Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited May 2012

    Mybee   Some of your points are deep: I think many of us struggle with your concerns to some degree. Myself, I have become very guarded and I ask myself what can this person do for me.  I use to be Miss Goodie Two Shoes, always trying to please someone else.

    No more! If a man cant give me what I consider important than as far as I am concerned there is no need to continue seeing the person. If that means I never find the "one"; so be it.

    Honestly, I have settle and compromised in the past and it doesnt work out..They just use you unil they cant or you will not let them squeeze any more life out of you. 

    I really have no specific answers. I think Joanne is correct when she wrote"you need to listen to your head and not your heart"

    Have a wonderful evening

    And love  and be good to yourself Ladies

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  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 1,907
    edited May 2012

    So true!  My bio on POF was truthful and my picture was as I usually look; eg no make- up, casual hair. If whoever looks at my profile is not interested, so be it.  I tell it how it is.  I make no bones about how important my family and dogs are to me. I get very few replies LOL.

    But that's ok. I think it is better to be honest.

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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited June 2012

    Hello Ladies

    Remember I mentioned in another post it is either feast or famine. Well, right now it is famine.  Hardly anyone has messaged me and only one contact from the one's I have met has contacted me again. This guy's idea of a second date is "walking on the beachr". I told him I want to go out to dinner and to a movie or go dancing.  Once I told him this, he lost interest and I have not heard from him.  That is ok. I am not looking for someone that wants someone that will settle for a cheap date.

    It just gets boring going out to eat and to movies with girlfriends. I miss doing things with other couples. I noticed that since I became not part of a couple, the couple "friends" do not bother with me.

    Have fun Ladies

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    I miss doing things with other couples too.  With three teens, I can't really afford to be doing a bunch of things with girlfriends.  I try to put the family first now.  Since BC I don't feel the same connection to the GFs I had prior to BC. I feel I've changed and am in a diff. place now.  Maybe those feelings will pass. Idk. It is not the same doing things with GFs - I agree. Maybe a diff. site.  I met a woman yesterday who met a man on Ok Cupid. She liked the site.  I've never looked at it, myself. 

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  • rakulynda
    rakulynda Member Posts: 286
    edited June 2012

    Famine here too. Some guy 80 miles away sent a sort of ananomous(sp?) "want to meet you" message with no personal message. Looked at his profile and he just wants a healthy motorcycle riding girl. I surely don't feel very healthy or want to be riding motorcycles at this point. 6 months of Navelbine has left me so tired most of the time, I don't think I'd be a very exciting companion - just want to lay around. Onc. says she'll be giving me a "chemo break" starting in July while continuing Aromosin. Maybe I'll get some energy back and be able to put some weight on (looking like a cancer victim) and then consider looking into the dating game again. It sure takes lots of work trying to meet these guys! Maybe will take my profile down for awhile and then try again later and then I'll look like a new fish in the pond!

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  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 1,907
    edited June 2012

    Joined a very intense exercise class yesterday. I was so tired after the 90! minutes of working hard with only 3 short water breaks that I took an hour long nap afterwards!

    Exercising keeps me from thinking about meeting anyone (which is another positive thing)

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    mybee, I am reading a book called "living single" -- just a novel but very interesting ... it is about a single girl that has an affair with a married man -- not finished yet but close HOWEVER ....

    in this book "romance" and "reason" voice opinions ...

    here is an excerpt ... "He's a power junkie, Reason spat, and he's got Erin so turned around she doesn't know what she really wants.  She says one thing and does another.  Where's the sanity in that?  There's no room for responsible decision making in this scenerio.  She's a puppen and he's the puppetmaster.  She only makes a move when he says so and even then the move is totally orchestrated.  That's ownership.  That's wrong."

    WOW!!! Did I ever feel like I was reliving part of my life ...... it certainly gave me a perspective on how things were when I was in that very bad and toxic relationship.

    I cannot wait now until the end .... maybe there is some lesson for me.

    Joanne

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    Yes - sounds familiar.  Let me know how it ends.  I don't know if I could stomach it now.  Am reading a book called Boundaries now.  Very interesting. Christian based.  Clarifies a lot of things...........not sure where all this insight is going to get me. Hopefully NEVER repeating the pattern again, but wish I had gotten this info. about 30 years ago!?

    You know that excerpt is spot on.  Again - what is the point of it all?  I understand intellectually, but what a road to nowhere for the guy too.

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    well it ended with her finally realizing that she was in an dead end "relationship" and that he was controlling her ....

    he called and called and called and she refused to take the calls and then finally she refused to meet him .... it was really insightful reading it ... wow .... I saw me in many ways ... even though my bad relationship was not married he still controlled me and the relationship.

    everyday is a new day and everyday I am learning something about myself !!!

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    I'm curious............did it seem like a happy upbeat ending?  Like, what does life hold for her now?

    I have trouble with the idea that I wasted all that time.............

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    Hi there -- we all feel that ....

    Last few paragraphs ...

    "she opens a collection of Lord Byron's poems .... randomly to these words:

    I have not been thy dupe, nor am thy prey -

    But was my

    own destroyer, and will be

    My own hereafter.

    And my own saviour, I thought.  I'm the one responsible for my life.  It's all up to me.  And I can have what I want, can't I?

    Life wasn't so bad at all."

    MYBEE -- as far as I took it, she had come to the realization of life was going to be better and she needed to rid herself of him.  Honestly I see so many things here .. and I didn't buy it as a "self help" book -- but it did make me see myself through out. 

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    My own self hereafter.................

    love the poem excerpt.  And it is so true!  If you are interested (and a strong Christian)  I would recommend this book Boundaries.  I am learning so much!!  It is changing all my relationships, although as they change, I do have a void.  I imagine new ones will take their place soon..............  Smile

    I am finding these conversations we are having on here so helpful in unexpected ways.  The book says it is difficult to learn to set new boundaries with people without support as we have an innate need for 'relationship'.  Hence, we compromise, sometimes 'buckle' under our own needs.  But here........on BCO - I think I have found that support.  Truly. 

    I think I will read your novel too.  I'm having surgery this summer and will have some time..............

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    I really did love that ending!!

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited June 2012

    Love the conversation and support sisters!  Thank you xo

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    We have truly found the support here on BCO and partially because we have no expectations -- do you believe that?  I do ... we put ourselves out there but we are still anonymous and in turn we hope for support. 

    mybee - I too am finding these conversations very helpful and I am hoping to learn more about myself still --  

    Your book - is it by Henry Cloud?  I think I will look at it too. 

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    yes it is by Henry Cloud.

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    thanks - I am going to look for it at Chapters

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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited June 2012

    H i Ladies

    How are you all doing?

    Mybee  I think I have that book Boundaries somewhere in the house. Don't think I ever got around to reading it.  You have sparked my interest in reading it. Now, all I need is some energy to look for the book.  Been feeling very tired for the last couple of days.

    I think this boundary issue is a big problem for alot of women.  I have seen problems with boundaries with some women in my own family as well as friends.  Perhaps we have more trouble with boundaries because we are more compassionate and loving than men. 

    Well Sisters I need to go to bed and get some sleep.

    Have a great evening

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    I think you are right on the Boundary issue and women.  We are socialized to be so very nice.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited June 2012

    Hey ladies, just checking in! Looks like the same old things going on, no fairy tale ending? :)

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    Hi DF!

    No, I don't think many of us are even trying to date right now.  PaintedLady keeps looking but it's tough out there!  Denise seems to have found a nice gentleman though.  We don't hear from her often now   :)

    How 'bout you?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited June 2012

    That's how you know someone found a nice guy,they stop coming here too often :) I don't look, not even interested in playing the game any more. I'm so busy with my girl and work etc.. Gives me a stomach ache to even think about trying to meet someone.

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  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 648
    edited June 2012

    I received an engagement ring yesterday. Almost a fairy tale ending.

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  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 1,189
    edited June 2012

    Congratulations sweetie!!  I'm so happy for you!  Wonderful!!!

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    Denise -- Congratulations .... I am so happy for you .... it is a fairy tale ending ... WOW that Antonio moves fast ...;)

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  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 648
    edited June 2012

    Well at our age (57 & 65), we can't wait too long! :-) No wedding date set yet. Probably the end of the year or close to the beginning of next year.

    I never, ever thought I would feel this way again!

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  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 1,477
    edited June 2012

    How wonderful and you deserve it ... enjoy all those wonderful feelings.

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited June 2012

    DEnise - please give us details....

    I'm doing well with the fire fighter.  We have fun together and I anticipate we will be together for a long time.  We just need to work out the logistics - he has two kids and would like them to stay at their current school.  I live in the next town (only a few miles away) but have a larger, newer house. 

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  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 252
    edited June 2012

    Denise   WOW!!!!!! Congradulations!   I am so happy for you.  So glad that you found someone.  

    Give us the scoop on the ring etc when you get a chance

    Blessings

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited June 2012

    Congratulations, Denise. All the best

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