April/May 2012 Chemo hang out

Cher, welcome.  I agree with Indigo; my original dx was supposed to be lumpectomy with tamox only.  Of course, that was before they got into that boob and everything changed.  And Indigo, I kind of "staged" myself at IIa and the my MO said no, Ib only because the lymph invovlement is so very minute.  That's a good thing, I guess. 

Fierro, enjoy the short hair while  you can.  Remind yourself that it's short during the summer, so you should be a bit cooler. 

Hi Everyone!!! This is my first post, probably way overdue. Diagnosed on 15th Feb. Great 42nd birthday present. Lumpectomy 15th March. Chemo started 17th May. Got an infection in my bellybutton of all places and my neutrafils (WBC) dropped dramatically to 0.15, so have to be careful not to pick up anything else. Dont want to end up in hospital. At the beginning, i had alot of support. It was coming from everywhere and was great. Now, everybody has ditched me. I havent seen boyfriend for weeks (he has chest infection). Everybody else just got on with their lives cos they think they have done their support. when I try to ask for support, Im getting excuses and fobbed off to others but everyones doing it, so I am sitting in my house right now, staring at the walls and have been here since 17th May. I broke up with boyfriend yesterday as he has been to parties, bought a new motorbike, which Im sure he is enjoying right now. All I can do is sit here and ball my eyes out. Ive tried to tell everyone the situation. They just agree with me, say they will call in soon to catch up, then, nothing...Everything in my life has changed lately. Im a single mum with 3 kids. I have been off work since the op as all the appointments and juggling the kids got too much by myself. I now wish i never got tested to start with cos now my life sux, when before, I was happy in my deluded world where I thought everybody gave a crap. My boyfriend made me feel like i am needy nutcase but i just need something, i dont know what. I know I need to drag myself out of this rut and i have been trying but everytime I hit the wall and i end up in tears. I try to leave the house and only get as far as the car and back in i go. I dont know what to do. pls help me...

Kath 

kath99-Welcome to this thread along with the other newbies!!!  Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time with everything.  Take some deep calming breaths and know that you are not alone on this journey.  If you are struggling with everything, you may want to check into getting some counseling where you live.  The American Cancer Society may be able to help you.  You may also want to talk to your doctors or the cancer center/hospital where you are getting your chemo treatments at or the church you attend.  You may just want to round up your family and/or gal pals and let them know that you are in need of help--- help with the kids, meals, etc.  Sometimes people don't know you are in need of help and assume you are doing fine.  It just happens and it isn't on purpose.  The fact that you recognize that you are struggling is half the battle; seems like you are looking for ways to move past this rough spot.   Keep checking in here to let us know how you are doing..... this is a good place to let it out and release how you feel.  (((HUGS))) 

Thanks guys, at least we have eachother...I have an appointment with hairdresser/wig etc on Tuesday and the friend that was supposed to be coming with me bailed out the other day. I have hardly heard from her in the last 2 weeks as she is busy with college course, assignments etc... but i have gotten use to attending most of my appointments alone now anyway. The oncologist appointment prior to chemo was hard though, Im sure there is stuff i have just forgotten. I think that ur right that some people just dont want to know about it and thats just the way it is. I havent told my oncologist about the support thing cos to be honest, I find it all extremely embarrassing to admit to people that no-one is there.

Hi all..guess I need to post here..get a port on the 4th of June..start chemo on the 6th..

kath99..wish i was closer to you..big hugs is all I can offer..Doris

Thanks Doris,

I will take anything I can get right now and an airhug is just what the doctor ordered. Thank u and right back at u 2 and all our friends here. Hope ur treatment goes well.

Yeah, I know Stacie. I do have 1 girlfriend that has been great but I worry that too much gets piled on her. She has had to deal with all of it and I dont want to overload her. Trying to take one day at a time atm, so todays mission is:

Go to the shops...lol

Waiting for Oncotype results (will take two weeks dr said), then they decide my Chemo treatment and it all begins.  I'm trying to wrap my mind around it.  I know there is a lot they can do for side effects, and logically I know I will get through it, but emotionally I am trying to understand it all.  How will I react when I lose my hair?  How will I react with that first side effect that scares me?  How will I react when I have my first dose of Chemo and know this stuff is in me? I know it's a day by day battle.  I want to bring my IPAD to treatments and listen to music, will they let me?  I want to be be-bopping to the music I logve, which I think will help me through the fear.  What other things do you ladies do through treatments to help you deal with the emotions to relax and still enjoy what brings you pleasure?  Please share...

Butterflylady, they let me bring pretty much any electronic toys I want to chemo. I just have a dumb phone but love my Nook Tablet, and when they told me they had WiFi, I told them, "Okay, I can do this!" DS#1 has been my buddy for my first two txs; he brought his laptop and we watched movies. Only littlr thing we've run into was access to an outlet, but the nurses have been great about letting us move stuff so we can reach it. You can ask where you are getting your infusions but I'll be surprised if you can't take your iPad.

Kath99, sent you a PM - hang in there!!!!!

Just got home from a wedding. This one was better than last week. I didn't bawl my eyes out when the son danced with his mom. haha I got awful heartburn in the middle of it, and when I checked my bag, of course I had everything except Pepcid in there. Ugh. 

Last night after my infusion, I got really really hot. I think my MO jinxed me! She asked me if I had night sweats. I said no. Sure enough, last night I was hanging out in front of the AC with a cold wash cloth on my bald head trying to cool down. No fever. I was just HOT! Damn steroids!  But, again, I'm going to say, if this is as bad as it's going to get, then I should not be complaining. I just have to get throgh tomorrow. 1 shoot, then Im off til Tuesday. Monday should be my crash day. Sleep sounds awesome! I'll have to record my tv interview. I am not waking up for it. I probably look like a goof! haha

Welcome to all the newbies. You are in good company here! Just keep asking questions. We are all happy to help!  

Hubby spent the day grocery shopping, cooking and preparing things for me to eat.  He is such a caretaker. I worry about him running himself into the ground.  Last nigh I fell asleep and woke up with pain throughout my chest. I couldn't tell whether it was heartburn, nausea, gas, constipation or difficulty breathing - maybe my gallstones acting up or pain in my sternum from the Neulasta?  He convinced me to get up and walk around and I did get some relief and finally went to sleep.  The best thing was that he just came in and talked with me - really talked and listened to all of my fears bubble up to the surface.  It was cleansing to let it all out.  I hope I turned some sort of corner and can be stronger today.  My family needs me.

 Butterfly, I am a week ahead of you and had all the same worries. I packed a bag with all kinds of stuff and honestly used everything I brough with me.  The hospital wifi was fine for normal surfing, but not for streaming stuff and a site I wanted to look at was blocked.

Kath, I'm sorry people have seemingly ditched you. Is it possible that they just don't know when and how you need them? How old are your kids?  Can you reach out to their friend's parents?  (For example, "Is it possible for you to take Jenny to soccer?  I have a chemo treatment and I am still shaky driving...")  I started a Facebook group on my progress and I am able to indicate what is helpful without having to ask outright.  Do you know anyone locally who has gone through this?  I have several friends who I call my beacons of light, because they have come through on the other side and offer such hope and encouragement.  No matter what, please know that you are definitely not alone.  You matter to us here and we will hold your hand every step of the way.  

hanging out here... while im waiting for my final patho report.  sooner or later, i have to schedule for chemotherapy.

Kath99- (((hugs))) I am sorry you feel so alone. I hope you find comfort in this group. I am a newbie to this group, but it is a very welcoming place.

Vball, glad you have a great hubby. Mine is pretty great too! Makes a world of difference! Do you do the Clairitin with your shot? If walking around work, hopefully it was just heartburn. Pepcid works good for me.

Wildflowe, buzzing mine off was the best thing I did. It was worse for me having it all come out in my hands. I couldn't stop myself from running my fingers thru my hair and pulling it out.

Kath, I also made a group page on facebook. Ive had a lot of people volunteer, but they dont know what i need. Thurs. I needed a ride home from chemo. All I had to do was ask someone.