May 2010 Chemo
Comments
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I know what you mean about chasing down everything, but it is best to get things checked out. Prayers that it went well. Happy Memorial Day everyone!
Judy -
Popping in -- praying Xraygirl that all is good for you and no worries.
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Anyone heard anything from Daiva?
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Nope. I've been coming here daily to check on this thread. Anyone has her facebook or blog addy?
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She is my Facebook friend. She is okay, it was benign! My Facebook name is Patricia watkins if you are on Facebook !
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OH YEAH! This news made my week.. SO happy.. I have been thinking about her every day.
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Yay!
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Having a scare -- today my mammogram showed 11 tiny spots between the surgery scar and the nipple. (My tumor had been near the nipple.) I have a biopsy scheduled for Friday -- unless my onocologist (whom I've not met since they changed people) decides it would be better to do surgery. They said the window of opportunity for cancer is two years. It has been two years (April -- surgery ) (chemo -- end of July), (radiation -- middle of September). I am NERVOUS WRECK right now. Need to keep positive mental images but my darn nervous stomach won't let me. Thanks for letting me just post my concern and let my hair down. (I was just saying my hair is back to the "norm" of what it had been!) Life just doesn't let us get bored.
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Oh dear, Kim, I hope everything will be ok. I know I was terrified at the 2 years mark - my surgery was October 2009.
Let's hope it's just fat necrosis, that one mimics perfectly tumors. Please keep us updated, I will be praying for you.
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Kim:
Happy thoughts for you. I cannot imagine the anguish you are going through right now. I am going with what Day said and thinking only positively.
Please write back.. Talk about it.. Here for you
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Kim, so glad you came here to post. I hope we will always have this support when we need it. I wrote yesterday but it did not get posted for some reason. I am visualizing health and healing energy around you. You are such a strong woman, keep posting and we will support you. Take time for self care and know that in this by moment you are okay. Take it one moment at a time. That is all any of us have, THIS moment... Hugs and prayers and positive energy.
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Thanks everyone. Today my oncologist called and stated that he doesn't want the biopsy but wants me to see the surgeon and have her go in. He doesn't trust the biopsy to be an accurate enough reading considering the history of that breast. He said they could pull out scar tissue or one of the things and still be questioning any remaining ones -- he felt strongly that it is a wiser choice to have the surgeon go in. I have an appointment to see her on Tuesday (her only day in the office). So we'll see. I'll keep you all posted when I learn more. Thanks for the love! {I don't remember anyone telling me that the two-year mark is the time that cancer can mostly likely reoccur. Oh well!}
Trying to hold the emotions in check -- taking some Prozac -- might need something more. :0 -
Well, yes, apparently studies found out that the highest risk of recurrence is withing the first 2 years after surgery, and between the 6th and 12th year after surgery.
I'm rooting for scar tissue/fat necrosis. I don't understand though why don't they do a PET/CT scan first?Those are way more accurate than a mammogram, a mammogram sees tumors the same way as fat necrosis and scar tissue.
Please keep us updated? *big big hugs*
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I had not heard the two year studies but I was aware of the six through twelve years. I think that sucks because most of the statistics that make it look so promising for us are based on five years out? What is that all about? I personally know more women were the reoccurrence happened after year six.....
Kim we wre rooting for you, I am praying and hoping that you use what every you need, drug wise to help with the anxiety you are feeling. Take those moments to center and be with the moment, and keep us posted! Sorry you are having to wait to see the surgeon, that must seem like a long time, -
The "after the 6th year" I think it's related to stopping the estrogen inhibitors. I'd put a bet that all those "after the 6th year" recurrences are ER+. There are cells that escape chemo, and are held in check by the estrogen inhibitors so they don't grow, so once you stop taking that, here they go.
As for the two years mark, I think it's mostly grade 2 and mostly grade 3.
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That is so strange. Whey do they stop the estrogen inhibitors after five years then? Is there a reason this is done? I am ER+ and sometimes look forward to stopping because they cause me to feel so stiff and achy. I have tried three different ones and after a few weeks, they all cause the same symptoms. I sometimes feel like a 80 year old woman, especially when I first get up in the morning. I believe this stiffness conributed or caused(along with the radiation), the frozen sholders that I have been working to free up. I got it on the Left side first(the site of my mastectomy), then the right. I have a very small range of motion and have been in physical therapy for 6 months with only minimal improvements....
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Patricia: Oh my that is so sad. I didn't realize you were having these problems. what drug are you on now? For me I refused tamoxifen, I was done with it all. After taking taxol within one month I got 3 hammer toes, plantar fascitis and 6 months later a hip replacement. Sorry to say but I blame it on the taxol.
I am going to take my chances,
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Oh, Kim, you didn't say they were tiny calcifications. Yes, they definitely need to come out.
njbhwgirl, you are ER-, so I don't even know why they would want to put you on tamoxifen?!?
patricia, I guess they stop because there aren't studies finished yet that would recommend continuing the AI's. Some oncologists continue them, but I am not sure if the insurance would cover that, as the standard of care is 5 years of taking them. And I understand you perfectly, I am now on Femara, after trying Arimidex and Aromasin. Aromasin was the most awful of all. All these AI's have caused me the beginning of ostheoarthritis, and give me a lot of pain. That, combined with the shoulder impingement issues I have (that nobody is able to tell me if it's caused by the LD reconstruction I had or what) , with the chemo-triggered fibro, and with the post-surgery pain in bad weather, can make life quite interesting for me sometimes. I feel somedays like I'm 90. That is the reason I got finally to see a pain management doctor, and as bad as it sounds, I can say that my everyday activities areoxycodone-dependent. I only take very small amounts, though, just enough to take the edge off the pain so I can do stuff. And believe me, I am trying to get as busy as possible, always! Did you see the last photos of my garden on fb? By the way, if anyone else wants my facebook profile link, just pm me.
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Hi everyone,I have been on all three that Day mentioned. I agree that aromasin was the worst. I just keep on moving, walking daily, traveling and trying to be positive but I gave been compromised by the drugs. Day, your gardens are beautiful! You have really worked on them this year. I have two small raised beds and a herb garden. I have three new trees out this year ,and the drought here is really hard on them. I water every day. I have cucumbers , tomatoes, basil, green peppers and radishes. I am loving to watch them grow. Ivwi
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Oh my gosh its been forever that I have been on here........... Kim ....My prayer are with you, I had calcification's before my diagnosis! Had them since my son was born 21 yrs ago!..That was my first BC scare .. When they made me come back for the Sonagrams. and it when they noticed the enlarged Lymphnode. they made me come back at six month then they watch it all these years it never changed til 2 yrs ago.. when I hit Menopause!...Wish they would have taken them out back then, now the I have the hindsight! I too had never heard of the 2yrs out thingy..I knew of the 5 and 7th...My onc says if I'm doing good at 5yrs on the Arimdex that she will continue it through the 7th yr,,, Just got all my labs back everything looks really good. except for my Knee just had a cortisone shot in it to day. I hurt it at work thought it was a torn meniscus but it turns out its arthritis. if the cortisone doesnt work then it mico-surgery! I opted for the cortizone.
I seem to have hit a wall. Things were going really good till earlier this spring when I started having crying spells. I was having lot and lots of pity parties. Which is normally not my style (you go get your big girl panties on) but couple of weeks ago I was cying, trying to tell myself to get over it when my DH came into the room and I told him I.m trying to get my big girl panites on but they wont go up my legs! Now that I think of it, its funny. but I will be starting with a therapist the week after my daughters wedding. I feel like I have PMS but every day! sucks big time! she called me and we talked for a very long time on the phone . She seem really nice.
Yea I still feel twice my age in the morning too. but as long as I keep moving I do pretty well withthe stiff ness cause by the Arimidex. So glad to see you all on here I miss you ladies!
Davia put up on her facebook page everythihng was clear. so very happy for her ..just like we all will be when Kim get that too!
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Day: I am only ER- on left side, right side was multifocal Stage I - ER+/PR+, HER2-.. I am bad at computers and could never figure out how to put the whole diagnosis on my information page.. Yeah lucky me 3 types of cancer.. Wow I hit jackpot. LOL
Denise: When is daughter getting married? I so remember when she got engaged and you were planning the wedding. Wow that seems ages ago. Maybe you are feeling sad because of all the emotions of the wedding. It is very exhausting and trying planning a wedding. I will agree with you that I am much sadder these days. I guess when we were all going through our treatments we were focused and had no time to really grieve for ourselves but now that things are somewhat back to normal we are feeling lost.. I guess that is the best way I can describe how I feel. I cry every day that my husband is gone. I can't believe sometimes how I got through four months of treatments alone. I look back and call 2010 the dark days...lol...
However we are all strong women because we were proactive and did everything we could to survive physically and emotionally. Thanks for the update on Daiva and you are right,,,KIm will be reporting the same good news to us soon..
Kim: Keep us updated please
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I know about the sadness.... it takes a lot for me to remain upbeat, with my sweetheart being deployed since April last year. Now he's back - of sorts, he's in medical hold in San Antonio since April. And might be there for another 3 months, because they've screwed up his case and now they are taking all from the beginning - only now he started getting treatment. The people who were responsible for him (and others) are under investigation now, but that doesn't help none, as he's still not home. So, yeah, with him gone, everything is much harder. I manage not to cry but maybe I should, as that gets some relief.
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I am getting zanx tonight -- my regular md FINALLY called it in after I did a hysterical call in to his number late yesterday. My nervous stomach was throwing me for a loop. Smallest case scenario -- my meeting with surgeon next Tuesday will schedule an outpatient surgery to go in and remove those "particles" and test them. If nothing "alarming shows", then I am guessing we'll do a wait and watch for what shows on next mammogram. If some level of activity shows, then my guess is the big case scenario would be to remove the breast since I've done the big walk of chemo and radiation and am on Arimidex. Maybe there is an in between -- I don't know. Until then, zanx will be my friend. I think the very small nature of them means that it isn't going to be bad. But darn -- it is troubling that this breast can't just sit quietly into old age with me and not keep throwing curb balls at me. I might have to give her a name and send her on her merry way! We'll see -- I'll let you all know next Tuesday.
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Hey Kim,
Thanks for the update. You are in my thoughts.... Regarding the mastectomy, I really do not miss my breast. That is why I did not opt for reconstruction... If I had been thinking more clearly at the time, I would have opted for a double. Crazy reason, because I know that would not have prevented a reoccurance. It is just that I hate my prothesis, and would prefer to be flat chested and not have to worrry about all the "fixins" that have to go into looking "natural"
Does anyone else feel that way? I do not like the way I look in my "lounge wear" and certainly do not want to lounge around in any kind of bra. LOL.... Only Lilly (my dog) sees me and she does not care, but it somehow makes me feel bad to see one side sagging and then if the door bell rings, I have to run for a bra or a loose robe. Even if it is 100 degrees. and don't get me started on traveling with a prothesis and a sleeve . About half way through the flight, I want to jerk them both off and runn down the aisle saying free at last from the torture of binding garments....... LOL My age probably effects how I feel , but I just do not see my breasts as part of my femine identity anymore. Healthy is the way I want to see myself at this point, and comfortable.... I just want to feel comfortable.
There is not other place I can say this I guess, because I know we have all thought about these issues. I have been on an antidepressant Citolipram since diagnosis, and am considering discontinuing it, but things keep happening up that make me think I should wait. I also have a prn for Xanax, and I use it occasionally, when I am very anxious, just to head off patterns of anxiety. Having been a therapist, I have no issues with the use of these meds.
Anyway, I am ranting and rambling, so I will go. Take care everyone, and I continue send healthy vipes and prayers out for all of you.
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Thanks Pat! If I have to consider the extreme end, I might decide to go that route too or reconstruction -- hard to know. Maybe I am in denial.
I had thought to get both reduced so i have small ones that don't SAG as much as I age since I soon will be 56. But who knows. I know last time when removal of the breast was a consideration -- the onco was not open to removing both. Sooooo, you know -- it is all about how the particular doctor sees the bigger picture of it I guess and how they choose to relate it to insurance. That onco has left and now I am using a totally new one (new to me) in the group. I will post what I find out tomorrow. My nerves are frayed still even with medication -- I think because I fear it will drag on out till another week or two and that makes me wacky! I get all that you are saying in the situation though -- either have both or have none -- the half and half would be psychologically tiring. I would imagine even this far out -- if you wanted to remove the other -- you possibly still would qualify -- I don't know. I am just guessing. Hugs! Thanks for the positive thoughts / prayers! I am probably racing too far and making too much of something that is nothing. I tend to GO WAY OUT THERE sometimes! Got a grandbaby coming the end of this month -- praying all things work to where I can not be dealing with recovery while this precious new one comes into the world -- would like to be at the hospital beaming when that happens! But we'll do what we have to do! -
Kim, it is good to hear from you. I have been thinking of you often and praying that this will turn out to be nothing. I know it must be so hard to wait. I hope you get a definitive answer soon so you can move on. I know I wou,d be a nervous wreck, with or without meds. If you have any relaxation tapes, try to use them. I found that helped me as much as anything.
I have thought of removal of the second breast. I think it would have been covered by insurance at that time, but I doubt it now. It is so hard to think of the future when you are fighting for your life. And in all reality, our health is the most important factor, the rest is just aggervations. I guess I just needed to vent a little with people that would understand.
I bet you are excited about that new grand baby . My granddaughters are to light of my life, them and my dog Lilly! Take care Kim and I will continue to send you light and love. -
Thanks Pat! Saw the surgeon today. The hospital had not sent my records over -- so she wasn't able to see them but I am scheduled for surgery on Thursday (7/5). She says I'll have another mammogram that morning right before surgery so they can mark the tissue in question so she can remove it. She made it seem like it will be a light-weight surgery -- removing of just that tissue -- not much and that perhaps it is scar tissue. (Of course, she wasn't looking at the mammogram slides when she was saying this.) I pray it is scar tissue but I don't think the folks at the radiation area would have jumped on a concern about it if that were the case nor has it shown up till just now. I won't get the results till next week. IF it turns out to be anything more, she will have me meet up with a plastic surgeon and we'll make plans to do breast removal and reconstruction. She says I can't have additional radiation to that breast any more. (I am supposing that due to the heart/lungs being affected - damaged -- that isn't an option.) So going in -- we are hoping for scar tissue that needs to be removed -- HOPEFULLY. The next level would be cells not acting proper and removal of the breast. I did ask if the second step had to be taken -- could it wait about another month as my first grandchild was due any time this month and she made it seem like that was feasible. I think I'll need additional "nerve" medication to take until scheduling that -- but it is okay. I don't want to miss going to the hospital to be a welcoming grandmother for this little one if I can. I suppose the results will make all decisions from this point on. Just grateful to get this first step setup. Any advice from any of you is appreciated as I know many of you have already walked this walk. When my mind wakes up a bit more, I think I'll go back and read over the older posts. Muhc love! Kim
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I had the Surgeon take both my boobs .. even tho only one cancer...When I was trying to decide (the Surgeon gave me til the week before my surgery to decide ) then about a week after my diagnosis I thought I felt something on the right breast. I freaked out to the surgeon .. after it was determined that it wasn't anything I told him to take then both so I wouldn't have to freak out about every hair pimple....
I love not wearing a bra, but there are time when I miss my boobs. I don't like wearing the prothesi.. so uncomfortable, evertime I wear them, my arm swells with lymphodemia.
My Daughters wedding is on July 13th.... I am leaving on Sunday 8th, to help with the last minute things that need to be done.. And a bunch of us ladies and daughter friends are going to see Magic Mike on Monday night (that will be fun) Andria has done most of the planning and stuff on her own .. It's hard to help being so far away! But 10 more days!
I don't think my melancholy is from the wedding.. I do believe ( like you said ) it is from having to do so much the last couple of years, then all of a sudden everything is getting back to normal, everyone expects me to be back to normal, and I don't feel the same, I am not the same! My normal has changed. And I dont laike it! This is what I will be talking to my new therapist about!
My prayers are with you Kim ... I am so sorry you have to go through this ...and you too Day Hope he comes home soon ....Well Have a nice 4th be thinkiing of you all day and on thursaday Kim!
Denise
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Sacphotomom: I think the wedding probably generates all types of emotions -- happy ones / sad ones -- it is an emotional time. Praying you have a wonderful time and that it turns out to be a beautiful day for everyone! Day: It is hard to journey alone -- praying your love will be with you soon. I am so very grateful to have my husband there. At times he gets quiet but that is how he generates life issues. The more I think about it -- the more my inner self is feeling it is scar tissue. I even sent up my own prayer for scar tissue -- I had yet to get my mind to that point of feeling okay to do that -- weird -- I can pray for others but seem to get stumped for my own self! We had to clean up this morning for several hours a neighbor's oak tree that had blown over on three of our smaller trees. The physical activity helped me more than anything -- weird how that works -- just the whole body and nature interaction thing -- healing type of connection. I told my mind -- well -- let's just go with scar tissue and let that be the case. Perhaps next week if the report generates something more -- then I'll face that. For this week -- I am facing only darn scar tissue that needs to be removed -- more of an annoyance than letting fear grab me any more. I've told myself -- it - (cancer) can't be living inside of me with all that darn chemo and radiation. That is what I choose to believe because all of us on this walk have to believe that what we have been through is the healing power to give our bodies another level of moving forward.
It will puzzle me greatly if I find out differently. My daughter-in-law called and talked with me some as I did share the news (of scar tissue) with my son. She is expecting and works as a nurse in a cancer floor -- she was positive about stuff -- which helped lift my spirits. (I sometimes can't gather whether she likes me or not -- you know the ole worry about being a "mother-in-law" situation -- .) Anyway, I will post next weeks the results of the darn surgery / HOPEFULLY ONLY scar tissue removal. My biggest fear after learning of cancer and the fear from childhood of "cancer kills" was the lost of my breast. Not that it won't scare me to have to walk that walk but I think perhaps my courage and the knowledge that many of you have survived it give me strength to know I can walk it if I have too as well. Thanks for all the willingness you each have shared of your own stories -- at times I know it hasn't been easy. And it is a NEW US -- a NEW LIFE -- I think we move past the surgeries/chemo/radiation and 2 years and we are doing "well" and we tend to forget that we had that struggle and perhaps we expect more out of ourselves than we should. In other words, we need to remind ourselves how terribly special we each are to be survivors and to be here -- that our plan for this Earth is pretty powerful to be survivors -- the others we touch on a daily basis -- we just don't recognize how important even our smile and generous sensitivity to others might be to another. Much love and thanks! Will let you know -- please post photos of the wedding -- you will look stunning and we want to see the photos! ENJOY movie night -- try not to get into trouble ! OR if you do -- SHARE -- we need the laughter! Love you all! Kim
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