Lesbians Supporting A Partner Who Has BC

Jan: well i dont know if I fit into this picture. I have been married for 29 years to a wonderful man. He is my partner. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you have been through alot. I think you should keep coming to the chat and the discussion boards. We help each other every day. Cancer is cancer. Glad you found us.

Nicki

Greetings All,
Wow! I've been soaking up all the great information and wonderful, compassionate support from all these, well, wonderful women on this message board for awhile, and then, I finally find this thread. I'm the 'partner who has BC' I have ILC Stage IIIa, R mast., and have my 4th A/C next Tues., then 4 Taxatere, then radiation. I was diagnosed 11-04-05, surgery 11-23-05, chemo 12-20-05. Needless to say, it was an enormous shock, yet I am trying to have some equanimity about it. And it is just so reassuring to discover lesbians here. I mean everyone here seem so thoughtful and generous with their concern. And thank you, thank you for a lesbian thread also. My sense of self as a woman, a lesbian, my feminity, sexuality all feel, umm, under assault by breast cancer.
Then there is my mortality of course. What can I say? What can I ask? Someone else, wiser than I... I will type a quote here from Pema Chodron, from "When Things Fall Apart"
"...anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present without reference point, experiences groundlessness. That's when our understanding goes deeper, when we find that the present moment is a pretty vulnerable place and that this can be completely unnerving and completely tender at the same time."
Trying to get comfortable with uncertainty,
-E

bumping up

Are there any lesbian breast cancer survivors posting here? I've had some discrimination from some bc survivors who don't approve of my "lesbian" life style (even though I'm single and not having much of a life style these days LOL) and it's not like I walk around saying, "I'm a prochoice, athiest lesbian, nice to meet you." Breast Cancer events are about survival and awareness, not politics and religion. Last I checked breast cancer didn't discriminate by color, race or religion.

Hi Amy,

I'm a lesbian BC survivor...I've posted on this thread before but it hasn't been too active lately. I post on other threads too.

I'm sorry you've had some seemingly unpleasant experiences here. I'm very "out" and haven't run into that yet. In fact, one of the threads I'm most active on is about sexual issues after treatment and the women there have accepted me very much. I'm also an atheist and have expressed that about myself, and again, no negative repercussions yet.

I was dx in 10/04 at age 53 and just completed treatment 2/06 (except I'm still on Arimidex). I was stage 1, but my cancer was very aggressive. I'm just starting to get my energy back (thankfully) but am struggling to get my life in order at this point. What with chemo brain, seems like I just can't get caught up with things!

Sounds like you and I have some things in common! I'm an artist and a cat lover! My partner Cindy and I have 2 cats and 2 dogs, but my 22 lb cat Sydney is my "baby girl" (she was 25 lbs but she's been on a diet...lol). I didn't get her until she was about 6 yrs old and she's the sweetest creature on earth!!

I did look at your web site and I hand it to you for having such a social conscience to take the time and energy to do that...and it's a really nice web site. I also took a peek at Marianne's movies on her web site, which I really enjoyed! Eventually, I'd like to have a web site for my art as well!

I'm certainly open to a "cyber-friendship" w/ a fellow sister (on TWO counts!) so if you'd like to respond or PM me, that would be great! I'm in Florida around Tampa (we would like to eventually move up to the very eastern border of PA to be close to Manhattan...I lived in NJ before coming down here, and miss it terribly). Where are you?

Take care!
Hugs, Liza

Thanks for the warm welcome and support. Maybe I'm naive, but I just never expected to have my sexuality be an issue in breast cancer support and survival. Glad to know I'm not alone here.

Hi Sige,

Just thought I'd say "hi" to you! I was dx 10/04 w/ stage 1 IDC and just finished treatment 2/6/06. I'd like to hear more about you, including the particulars of your cancer, or where you are with things, if you care to share them. This thread has provided support for survivors AND their partners, so feel free to talk about yourself too!

Hugs, Liza

Sige, I understand completely. Let me know if there's anything I can do to offer you support.

Hugs, Liza

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis Sige.

Quote:

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I'm a lesbian and I have just been newly diagnosed...I would love to see this string continue for my dw

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I PMed Melissa and she said if there was enough of an interest, they could start up the lesbian survivor board again. I told her I'd be really active on the board if they did.

Thanks Ramona! I hope that partners will also feel comfortable posting on the lesbian survivors forum as well .

Just a quick note to say HI to everyone. My name is Helene and I am Sige's partner. So glad you are all here for each other. I know she loves this site and it has been very supportive and helpful for her. I look forward to having someone to read and write to in the coming days.

Hey all.
I've been sitting here reading posts while my wife is asleep, and I can't hold the tears back anymore. (At least she's asleep and can't see this). My wife (we're in MA thankfully) was diagnosed with DCIS four days before her 46th birthday. I know I should be grateful it's so early, and I am, I just can't get past the thought that I could lose her. We're still very early in the process, and I know it is going to be a long road. I just wish I could do it for her.
As much as it's killing me to see her tears and confusion,

DH used to cry in his office at work. It was such a relief when we talked about the what ifs and cried together. I know our spouses try to spare us - think if they don't bring it up we won't think it but that's not true. It's always on our mind and being able to share our fears with our loved ones helps. Don't be afraid to talk about your fears and cry together - you can't get past what you don't acknowledge.

Thanks. Any suggestions, ideas, anything like that would be really appreciated. It's strange. I have so many women in my life that have guided me through so many things, but none of them have been through this. I feel like I've been thrown to the wolves to fend for myself on this one.

"Aries"

Thanks rj.
My mind knows that I'm not alone, but my heart is having an issue figuring that out. I guess i'm just feeling how young I am (29). And unfortunately, all the older women that have been my mentors throughout everything have no idea when it comes to this. Luckily the communication in our relationship is amazing. I don't know what I did to deserve this woman or our relationship, but I am truly blessed to have her in my life. Which is why I'm so afraid to lose her.
"Aries"