Son Admit to Having Anxiety

DivineMrsM · May 2012

I have a terrific college-age son. He graduated high school at the top of his class. Never had any disciplinary issues with him. He has close friends that he's had since childhood and a very nice girlfriend. He made a great transition to college, made new friends there, got good grades.

Now he's home for summer break. Last summer he had a job at a movie theater. He tried for three weeks to find other employment this year with no success. He is going back to work at the theater.

He said the job gives him anxiety. I am surprised at this. He said the people who go to the movies are often so rude, yelling at him because of high priced tickets and concession stand food. I have worked for many years and dealt with all manner of rudeness in people, so perhaps I've learned to deal with it. But I don't recall ever having anxiety over it.

Currently I take mild anti-anxiety medicine due to the bc diagnosis. I suggested my son consider using it, I want to get him to the doctor to get his own prescription.

I guess after having so few problems with this great kid, I'm a bit thrown for a loop that he's having work issues. Any advice?

chrissyb · May 2012

TheDivineMrsM I was wondering if perhaps he is having this issue because of loss of confidence. Sometimes when our childrens worlds are rocked in a big way, and you can't get much bigger than BC, their confidence can be damaged and present as anxiety. It doesn't matter if they are small or young adults they can still react the same way. You are thinking the right way in trying to get him to the doc to be assessed and perhaps get some meds to help him through.

I sure hope he gets through this without a lasting effect.

Love n hugs. Chrissy

Leah_S · May 2012

MrsM, I'm wondering if the real source of his anxiety is your dx. The immediate trigger is the job, but the real cause is bc in his mother.

I'm glad you're getting him to a doc. Maybe some talk therapy might be helpful for him, also.

Best of luck to both of you.

Leah

leggo · May 2012

MrsM, I can so relate to your post. Perfect son...no trouble...ever. He was working a job at a senior's residence and over the last two years he worked there I just noticed little things changing in his personality. I thought maybe it was the stress of university/working but he hadn't had trouble doing both before. I couldn't figure it out so I just called him on it. Turns out he was incredibly sad working there...having to hear/see people die almost every week. When your job starts to affect your happiness (not that anyone is overtly happy in their jobs but they deal), I think it might be time to quit. Once he got the o.k. from me to quit, he was so much happier...I have my happy guy back. A job is just a job....he'll find another. Perhaps he could move home until he finds gainful employment? Go to school close to home maybe? I can't advise you on the anti-anxiety meds though. I'm against them so I can't be of any help in that area. And, yes, some people in movie theatres are incredibly rude. Not everyone is as good as dealing with it as others.

camillegal · May 2012

Maybe coming home hit him hard this year---His thouhts might be more fear than he's like to admit or knows . And sometimes when u are working with rrude people u even notice it more because u feel it's a waste of emotion. there are more important things in his mind (you) and he just doesn't want to be bothered with them and it causes him to become anxious.

I was never one to run to a Dr. but I would if it were my son And I hope he would go for it. There is so much pressure on our young people to succeed and work hard sometimes and now worry--maybe he needs just a little help to get thru it. So I'm with u on this thinking Good Luck.

SandyAust · May 2012

Hi TheDivineMrsM. I feel for your son and for you. I am now 44 but I had a similar issue when I was at university after leaving school. I am also a high achiever, have received excellent grades and many academic rewards throughout life. I have also had a successful career. My sister was the wild one and I was never any trouble. I remember when I started having anxiety issues at university my mum also said to her friends that I used to be her "perfect child". Even though I am high functioning and sucessful, I know a fair bit a anxiety and the trigger may seem trivial to other people because they have been through the same thing and able to deal with. But this is what anxiety is, it is the reaction not the issue that is important.

If your son has the beginning of an anxiety problem it is important that he gets help and also that his self-esteem is protected. I know many people can put up with rudeness, but if he can't he needs to feel that he will get help and not be looked upon as weak.

You are a good mum for coming here to ask this and you obviously care so much about your son. Your stage four diagnosis is obviously hard for you and would also be impacting on your son. I really for you. I would like to say more but I don't really want to on the boards but if you would like to talk to me please feel free to PM. I really feel I could offer a perspective but I don't want to push myself on you, I will just leave the option there.

You probably don't know me but I have been on the boards for seven years. I have friends here I check on, but I don't post a lot.

Take care,

Sandy

Linda1966 · May 2012

Ive owned and managed a takeaway food shop for 7 years now and deal with approx 300 customers per day. Most are fine, but the problem is you never know when a true pycho/creep is going to rock up. I had a staff member receive death threats from a lady who was off her meds. Had another threaten to jump the counter with a knife and have had sundry others who seem to take great personal satisfaction in making 15 year old girls working their first job cry. Just one bad customer can really wreck my/our day/week and it does make me anxious as you just can never tell which customer is going to suddenly go ballistic. Had one charming lady call me fat ugly and stupid my first day back at work after chemo when I was still bald, face swollen from the steroids and had no eyelashes. Made me so mad/upset I ended up feeling shivery and faint and had to go home again lol.

Your son may well be experiencing anxiety due to your dx, but I honestly cannot blame anyone for being scared/worried/anxious about dealing with customers. The staff from the local movie theatre are regular customers of my shop and they have had similiar experiences on a regular basis as well.

My sister worked for me for a few months when I first got the shop. She had a customer who went nuts on her and she quit and went back to office work where she didnt have to put up with people like that. Personally Ive come to the conclusion that some people are just not suited to customer service and there are some customers who no one should have to ever deal with.

I hope that if it is just job related, your son can find something that will suit his personality more. I hate seeing young kids hating their jobs as they have may many more years to work and a bad experience early on can really put them off.

DivineMrsM · May 2012

Thanks, ladies, for your words of comfort and advice.

DivineMrsM · May 2012

It is often more difficult to deal with when it's my son. As a mom, I want to get in there and 'fix it'. But part of me knows he has to work his own way through things. I plan to help in some ways, like getting him to the docotor, yet I know he has to grow/go through the process. If I were looking at someone else's child, it would seem much easier to figure out how to help. It sometimes seems when dealing with my own son, I question what is the right thing and what is the wrong thing to do.

Son Admit to Having Anxiety

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