Its worse than originally thought...

Sonata · May 2012

I'm still waiting for confirmation via biopsy next week, but it looks like what was thought to be just a local-regional recurrence to the chest wall is in fact going to be metastasis.

Yesterday, I went to a regular annual visit with my GYN...you know, a visit that should've proved uncomplicated and not a big deal. I mean, after having a hysterectomy and a BMX, she doesn't have much left to monitor. During the visit, her hands briefly passed over all the lymph nodes in my neck. And at the back of the neck, right at the top of the cervical spine, she found a rather enlarged lymph node and a scattered few smaller but prominent ones. The biggest one she estimated at approx 3 cm.

At all of my recent appointments and scans, everyone had been SO focused on my chest wall, they never looked beyond that area. I believe that's why this was missed. I myself had not realized it was there as I've been distracted by the fact that I have a recurrence. So immediately she's sending me to a surgeon for excisional biopsy---no playing around. I go next tuesday, May 22nd.

I'm emotionally spent at this point. It seems I can't even go to a Dr anymore without leaving with bad news.

If this is a truly a metastasis, it changes alot. In fact, it changes everything. I'm not handling this well. How do you deal with that?

~Cate

J9W · May 2012

Cate, I have no advice I can give but am sending you a hug.

chrissyb · May 2012

Cate I sure hope that your nodes are just reacting to something else going on in your system and not mets. Good luck with your biopsy next week! Should things turn out to be ' the worst' please come across to the stage IV forum as there are many wonderful women there who will help you get through all the crap that goes with this dx.

I understand you feeling completely numb at this point and believe me when I say that is a very normal thing. (((((Hugs)))))

Love n more hugs. Chrissy

Sonata · May 2012

Thanks, ladies.

At this point, I feel nothing but numb. This just has to be some sick joke, doesn't it? At the very least, its a nightmare I can't wake up from.

I've gone through so many ups and downs since my BMX in November that I understand the feeling of being a never-ending rollercoaster ride. Seriously, in just the 6 months since surgery, this is how its played out:

-Surgery, but lymph nodes clear
-Some time passed where I thought I'd finally be able to move beyond BC
-OMG its come back in my chest wall (after just 5 months)
-Created a treatment plan, felt "ok" with moving forward
-Now I have an enlarged lymph node(s) in my neck that's probably mets

My emotions are ALL over the place. I'm scared out of my mind at even the suggestion/possibility of mets.

Thank you for being understanding and your reassurance.

~Cate

chrissyb · May 2012

Cate, you have indeed had the proverbial roller coaster ride since your Dx. (((((((hugs))))) I understand your feelings right now and the fear that you are hanging onto..........we have all felt it.....

In your Dx line you don't say if you are ER/PR + or - or your Her2 status. It helps to know these things.

There are so many treatment available now and not just for ER+. Even if you are stage IV, it is possible to live a long life.........a few more doctors visits are needed...........but it is possible to have a reasonably normal life.

Still hoping that the lymph is just being reactive.

Love n hugs. Chrissy

Shayne · May 2012

(((HUGS))) keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.....

keep us posted!

camillegal · May 2012

Cate we all hope for the very best results--just don't google things now and it's good u'r doing this in a quick manner- And as was said there are s many new treatments and big hope is there for u. There a lot of people here to help u any way they can. (((hugs)))

Sonata · May 2012

Chrissyb-- I've been updating my profile. I don't know why the DX line isn't showing up. I am ER+/PR-, HER-.

Camillegal-- Yes, I'm staying away from 'Dr Google' for now. I think I would completely freak out with any more info than I have now. Its enough to read through posts here on BC.org without flipping out.

Thank you so much, ladies. I've been out of my mind with worry these past two days. I'm not sure which is worse---the waiting/worrying beforehand, or finding out the results.
Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. It is what it is.

~Cate

Sonata · May 2012

Aha! There it is, the DX line finally showed up.

chrissyb · May 2012

Cate I think the waiting/worrying to find out is much harder to deal with than actually getting results and knowing. When you 'know' you can then 'do' and that makes us feel a whole lot better.

Try to organise something special to do over the weekend to try and lift your mood a little and take the pressure off the worry pedal. I know you said you were going for the biopsy next week and I'm presuming it will be early in the week.........or at least I'm hoping it's early in the week for you. I also hope they don't make you wait too long before they give you the results.

Yes, I now see your Dx line. Strange that it wasn't showing up before but that could just have been a glich or hiccup in the new format.

Love n hugs. Chrissy

Denali · May 2012

Cate, hang in there. Please know there's LOTS of us standing behind you. Hope you're staying busy--movies are always good to get you mind off. But then so is Xanex. My best friend after diagnosis. Truly, if you ever needed anti-anxiety meds, this is the time. Don't be afraid to call dr for prescription--yes, even if it's over the wkend! They even let you have one the morning of surgery!

Plz let us know how it goes and keep coming back for support!

Hugs,

Linda

Its worse than originally thought...

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