I hate it when people say "Lost the fight"

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cs34
cs34 Member Posts: 253
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

I haven't been on in a really long time but someone just sent me an email regarding cancer and it said "and for those who lost their fight" and that statement just pisses me off. 

I'm sure this topic has been discussed but I needed to vent somewhere that it would be understood.

We start "fighting" the day that word is said by the doctor and those who pass away didn't LOSE THE "FIGHT"... I see my friend (and others) as someone who MASTERED fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Lost the fight" my ass. Oh, it angers me. Half the world couldn't do what any of us have to do on a daily basis, regardless of our Stage. 

Sorry if this insults anyone. I just cannot stand to think of my friend as "losing" ANYTHING after all that she went through. I guess I feel as if it's a negative "thing" to say when anyone passes away and maybe it's just me and all of my insecurities but, to me, to describe it as they "lost their fight" takes away from all the strength and love they possesed. I know that when I tell people that my friend passed away.........NEVER do I say, "She lost the fight!" nor would I. Just saying. 

I know no one out there means it that way but I would love to see it said another way. That's all. 

Thanks for letting me vent.  

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Comments

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited May 2012

    I have had the exact same thought. It somehow implies that they did not fight well enough or hard enough. Usually it is just the opposite.

    I also don't like the idea that if you just fight hard enough, you can vanquish cancer. Obviously you can't, it kills stellar fighters all the time and it is a right nasty beyotch of a stupid disease.

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  • leggo
    leggo Member Posts: 3,293
    edited May 2012

    I despise it too. When my time comes, I'm going with "treatment failed her".

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited May 2012

    I'm not "fighting". I'm having treatments. The whole cancer-as-a-battle bugs me.

    I also don't call this a "journey". It's a disease, and I'll be dealing with it for the rest of my life (may it be long) until, as Gracie said, "treatment fails me".

    Leah

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  • hopeful123
    hopeful123 Member Posts: 191
    edited May 2012

    Love Gracie's idea. It is definitely the treatment that fails. I'll remember that one.

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  • dltnhm
    dltnhm Member Posts: 873
    edited May 2012

    Grates on me also. I have had this discussion with my husband and close friends. Someone who has cancer and dies has not 'lost his/her fight'. Courageously she/he has faced this disease, sought information, and endured any number of treatments: surgery, chemotherapy, prescription drug therapy, radiation, and the like.

     I agree that the implications of using the terminology 'lost the fight' leads to a path that the person did not 'fight' hard enough or use the right weapons, etc. Also agree that using that phrase implies that anyone facing breast cancer can somehow vanquish cancer by fighting long and hard. 

    What we have are brave, courageous loved ones, friends and selves who are facing this disease with dignity and perseverance. 

    And in the end, whether we die from cancer or something else, we will have LIVED ... not lost.

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited May 2012

    "And in the end, whether we die from cancer or something else, we will have LIVED ... not lost."

    Absolutely, well put! 

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  • cs34
    cs34 Member Posts: 253
    edited May 2012

    I'm glad that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I thought it was just me with my wonderful insecurities. 

    Well said!!! "The treatment failed her!" 

    I can only hope something else will stick instead of lost the fight. Such crap when people say that. It infuriates me.  

    Wishing you all a peaceful day.  

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited May 2012

    CS34 I totally agree, it's like when did u train for this so called fight? There are a few words that eally bother me but I'm sure no one would agree and yes journey is another one. I don't believe I've been on a journey I feel like I'm living a nightmare while smiling. I feel like there are no words to "pretty " this disease or make it sound like a nice place to be.

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  • MrsMom2
    MrsMom2 Member Posts: 13
    edited May 2012

    Hey, you look like me!!!! We could be sisters:):)

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