anyone starting chemo in Nov 2005

I love reading the good news and the wonderfully loving responses here! What a great day!

Yes, I too am praying for our Kaye. And for you, dear Deb! Please let us know as soon as you hear. Do the results of your test determine the date of your surgery, too?

Odalys, I have spoken to my doctor about the sadness. It seems right under the surface at all times, and where I used to be able to cry at the drop of the hat, at any old commercial on TV, now it's more than crying, it feels earth-shattering. All it takes is seeing someone suffer, anywhere, in the doctor's waiting room I might see a child, and it's obvious to me that the child is not the patient in this setting, but I also know that there are children who have cancer and the thought that a child is going through what we are going through just blows me away. Or I hear a patient reacting badly in the next room at the oncologist's office, and I feel it as if it were my own pain. Just writing this does me in.

Anyway, my doctor prescribed Paxil and I really don't want to drug myself any further, so I filled the prescription and set the bottle aside. She also said I might look into seeing a therapist, and I went so far as to get a few names, but how on earth do I choose? Where do I start? I don't have the umpff to do anything yet.

I know I need to do something because there is a huge elephant lurking on the sidelines (a family member issue) and it's something my husband and I are very carefully avoiding dealing with, we're too happy just having each other and enjoying our little routines. Both of us like avoiding elephants. So I do need to move on this, and not just for myself, I guess.

Isn't it nice to have spring all around? Longer days. The light at the end of the afternoon is so lovely. We go out for our walks and here in Virginia the trees are just incredible. We live on a dirt road, and for a while the dust was horrendous whenever a car drove by, so I carry a blue mask to cover my face whenever someone kicks up a lot of dust. People seem to be getting more careful and slow down and wave when they see us. I think I look mighty funny with my baseball cap over ever so little hair and my blue mask. We got some rain recently and yesterday's walk was dust free, but people slowed down all the same.

I think I am getting a little stronger. I still have to stop a few times going uphill, but it feels less overwhelming than before. I am enjoying the effort as opposed to dreading it.

Have a very good day!

Anna

Anna,

I can relate to not wanting to drug yourself any further. I felt the same way however decided to take the Effexor and feel great now. Effexor does not have a drugging effect and also controls my hot flushes. I feel like the old me is back again. There are several ladies taking it and we seem to be functioning pretty well. You may want to check out the discussion thread under help me get through treatment.

As for the "huge elephant lurking on the sidelines" all I can say is that these elephants tend to get bigger and bigger and seldom go away on their own. A good therapist will know how to probe until the elephant is revealed and dealt with. Please take care of yourself so you can have enough strength to beat those bc cells for good.

Sending Love and hugs your way.

Kim, great news! I'm happy for you.
Hugs,

Heehee....I'm back with Mr. Sandman lurking over my shoulder again...just want to say that Anna, you are such a kind and loving person to be carrying the burdens of all the people around you that are suffering, while you are going through such a rough time yourself! I will also say that if you are still considering a therapist, I would suggest a Christian counselor. I went to one right after being diagnosed, and left with such a sense of peace and tranquility. I know it is different for everyone, but I think that all of us in this group are very similar in personality trait.

Margerie, good luck on Friday if I don't check in before then (yeah, like that is going to happen! I check in here daily!).
Love and prayers (always!), Debbie


PS-We get more and more like family each day! I LOVE our group!

Kim and Margerie - Yes, sure hope you are both dancing with NED in June. Thanks for all your input.



Well ladies, I went to see my onc today to discuss phase three of treatment (hormonal treatments). He offered three choices: tamoxifen, injections than AI's, Ooph and AI's. After much discussion of the SE's and considering family hx of circulatory problems and high blood pressure dx he ruled out Tamoxifen. So now I get to decide between the injections or ooph. He suggests the ooph due to ER/PR + and Her2- status, the fact that I had 4+ lymph glands, my age, and overall good health. He feels this more aggressive approach would give me a better chance of no recurrence and higher survival rate. I can't argue with that. If I opt for the injections, I would need an injection every month for a period of two years. Arggggg...I don't want any more monthly reminders. I want to be done with this so I can move on with my life. Plus, I want to be around for many more years for both DH and 8 year old son. So far, I'm leaning towards the ooph but before I make a final decision I will also undergo genetic testing, just to obtain additional information. OMG there are so many decisions to make, so many risks, and so many obsticles to overcome. Anyone else besides Kim and Margerie also considering these options? Can anyone tell me about the genetic testing?



Liz, how are those WBC's?



Debbie, I too have to check this board every day and absolutely love this sisterhood.



Good night dear sisters. Take care. Love and hugs.

Debbie- LOVE, LOVE the sucker idea. I may have to copy it. Let me know if you find a place.

Odalys,

I have no family hx of bc. I took the genetic test because I wanted to know for myself (other breast, ovaries), my 2 sisters, my mom and my daughter. I tested negative for both genes. It is just a blood test and it was covered by insurance. Of course, there may be other genes at work. But I was glad to take the test and know the results. Knowledge is power when it comes to your health.

Ladies- some of my own insight and meandering to follow:

And yes, when all of this hit the fan last October I thought someone would hold my hand, medically speaking, and take me down the road of bc treatment. What happened? I had to wrestle with all of these decisions during the most stressful time of my life. DH and I are in the health field (dentists) but it was still very hard. The decisions just keep coming don't they?

OK enough of that reminissing. My 2 yo daughter told my hubbie "Dad, that is just not acceptable." when he was giving me a hard time for getting so much Easter candy

Wow! That was a lot to catch up on. Anna, I hope you get everything worked out. I also think taking the Paxil for just 1 month will tell you if it makes a difference. I felt different after just 14 days. I would cry at the drop of a hat.

Debbie, my prayers are with you. I have it marked on the calender.

I'm very tired, so I will have to close for now. I just wanted to say hi , and let ALL of my sisters know that I'm keeping them in my heart.

I really think you all are the reason I have kept it together as well as I have.

BTW, I went to wall mart yesterday to pick up my meds, and I went topless!!!!! And it really didn't bother me at all.

Don't get me wrong, I love primping, but don't have to if time is short. I really do it more for Michael, than myself. And it makes me feel sexy. LOL

Mary Lou,
Maybe you already know about this, but I never used the stuff until after my eyebrows came in but were then and even now pretty sparse. It is Maybelline Ultra-Brow brush on color. Unlike the harsh eyebrow pencils, it is powder with a thin brush to brush on, and they look really real.
Denise in PA

I am on eyebrow and lash watch also. Where are they? My hair started growing on the taxol, but the lashes kept going and going and now the brows look mangy too. I have tried pencils and powder on the brows. I pretty much stink at the application. I think I have the wrong color.

But I can go hatless, about 1 inch of head hair that lays flat. Original brown color, but a lot of gray. Last night I decided to color it with "light golden brown". Well, this morning I am a red-head. To be exact an orange-head. But it is fun. I am just so happy to have hair again!

Fingers crossed for an excellent MRI Deb!

Hope everyone's neuropathy gets better.

Margerie

Denise, thanks for the tip. I will try that.

Kim, my brows came out long after my last treatment. But seemed to grow back quickly. In fact I thought it was dirt.

I have only been out of treatment 5 weeks, so it wasn't to long to wait. But I will say, there was not a brow in site, and then all of a sudden, there they were.

Margerie, I will be so glad to buy hair color again! Good for you. How long has your hair been growing? Michael thinks that mine will be thick by July. I know it is really going to be salt and pepper.

I may let it grow a little, just to see what my "Real" hair really looks like. LMAO

Well ladies, take care. I'm thinking of you all.

ML

Yes, we are finally talking about hair/eyebrows/eyelashes coming in! Finally, we are making our way back. I no longer have fuzz. My hair is definitely coming back salt and pepper; there are some bald spots and you can still see my scalp so I'm not comfortable going topless just yet. I too plan on coloring it as soon as there is enough hair.



Debbie, Thanks for the tip. I know what you mean. Those medical bills are piling up but I try not to worry about it. BTW- I’m still praying for you and keeping fingers and toes crossed for good results.



Kim – The last Taxotere took almost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. It is powerful stuff.



Mary Lou - I use a brow powder too and folks can’t tell that I only have a couple of hairs left on my eyebrows. Eyelashes are returning; they look like dots. Hope your neuropathy gets better soon.



Margerie – Wow…one inch of hair is great! Hope you had a great vacation. I’ve been thinking a lot about you the last couple of days and have been praying your ooph goes well on Friday. Will you be staying at the hospital or going home the same day?



Well ladies, it’s hard to believe I just received the 11th rad treatment today. So far so good. The skin is still in good shape.



How is everyone’s port-a-cath doing? I am concerned about mine because the nurse had some difficulty flushing one side. The blood was not flowing as fast and she told me it may give me some problems in the future. I’m thinking of taking it out. Has anyone had theirs removed?



Take care ladies. Love and hugs…

Odalys-I was told that I will have my mediport for a year! Yuk!

I so have to go to bed.....I shouldn't take Ambien and then check our page!
Good night!
Love and prayers, Debbie

Hello everyone. I don't post often but I do keep up with everyone's posts. Hope everyone will have a great week.

I have a question about reconstruction. Is everyone here having it? It has never really crossed my mind to have it. I realize that it's a very personal decision, but I guess I would like to know about other people's decisions and why they chose to have or not to have the additional surgery. Maybe its something I should think about having done.
Again I would like to let all of you know how much this discussion board means to me - the faith & strength (and humor) has helped so much!!
LAT56

I forgot to mention that I had to buy bifocals yesterday. It seems the chemo has done a number on my eyes. What next? This was a shocker! Little me still thought of bifocals as a definite sign you are getting older. Yeaks...I don't feel a day over 30. When I am asked my age I usually tell folks I am 30 and holding, well now they are really not going to believe me. LOL!!!!!

Hi everybody. I had a great night tonight. Went to the "Look Good" "Feel Better" class. Got some really nice make-up. And a neat red bag to hold it in. I wore my ball cap, and brought my wig along for going home. It was wonderful!!!!!! Three of us were topless. In fact one lady had her wig on, another a hat, and both took them off after I did.

I just had the best time. And made some new friends. They even served us dinner . I'm going to the Relay for life on May 19th for the survivors reception and walk.

The ladies I met tonight are going too! They hollered ( Yes, country ) at me as I was leaving and said they would be looking for me. I really feel good tonight!!!!!!

Update - I have the staples taken out tomorrow at 4:00, I can't wait.

Lat56- I'm having the reconstruction. I was a double D before BC. I want a reduction, and a reconstruction. In the end a smaller C will be just fine with me. I figure after all I have been through, I can at least look forward to a perky set of boobs at 50 years old! It is a gift to me, kinda like the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm so lopsided now. And the fake one won't stay in place. It moves when you move. I just want to feel put back together again. And to not have a bra digging into my shoulders would be heaven.

Kim, thanks for the email. It was to cute.

To everyone, my prayers are with you. If you have not been to the LGFB class, sign up. Some really expensive stuff in the pack. About $300.00 worth.

Odalys - LOL, my eyes have done something to. I seem to be blind as a bat. Guess that is my next stop, then to the dentist. I'm a teeth nut, so I have always loved the dentist. Even when I was a child, I always asked to go there or to the doctor to have a shot. I know, very strange but true.

Love
ML