Hard not to get caught up in the numbers...
In 2007 after the lumpectomy, chemo and radiation I was told that there was a 93% chance that I would never have to deal with breast cancer again. Four years, 1 month and 3 days later they found it again. Now because of the recurrence in less than 5 years they are telling me that there is now a 40% chance that the beast will come back. I didn't worry when I had 93% chance but now......its so hard not to get caught up in the numbers. I keep telling myself that there is still 60% chance that it won't come back and not focus on the 40% but it is very difficult.
Anyone had two Triple negative breast cancer bouts and then get mets later? I've pretty much resolved myself to knowing what will kill me but just not knowing when. Crazy, huh? And don't recommend "happy pills" cause I'm already on them.
Just venting. I thought I was strong.....don't feel so strong now.
Comments
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ah..wr smith...no one said you had to be strong...I hate that word..what the heck...it's not easy having all this crap thrown at us...I dunno..the good if there is a good is that the cancer is still confined to your breast...that's a good thing right? sucks you have to go through this again...I hate cancer and especially tn..so much...f the numbers..you are not a number ...and 60% is not that bad..hang in there...we will be with you....can't tell you not to freak because we have all been there done that....
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I was told 60% the first time around . . . hmmm.
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I had neoadjuvant chemo and there was still a 2 cm tumor and 2 positive nodes afterward. At that point they told me I had a 50% chance of recurrence so I did more chemo- which they told me they didn't know if it would help. I had low levels (5-10%) of ER receptors in the leftover tumor so I'm on tamoxifen but one onc said it won't help; two said it might. So everything is really unknown. It has been really difficult not to live in fear of recurrence. Every time I get a pain or take a shower I'm afraid I'm going to find something. I tell myself I have to live as if I am going to live, and then do whatever I can to help - exercise, low sugar, lower fat diet, and aspirin at this point. I'm also going to a group class on mediation and other relaxation methods that is helping me cope.
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Numbers is all I want right now even tho it doesnt make me feel better. My mom just had a mastectomy for a triple-neg recurrence that is lymph node positive.
Cancer is what will get her but its just a matter of when.... sigh. I want the when to be as far away as possible and for the time until then to be as positive as possible. How do I ensure this?
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wrsmith: Yup, a recurrence totally sucks - and so do the numbers, but do they apply to TN specifically? Because it would seem to me that, as a TN, your recurrence would be classified as "late," and as you know, the longer between diagnoses the better. That said, numbers are a crap-shoot anyway... I had about a 2.9% chance of getting BC with my age and history, and it happened anyway... as with all of us.
It's a binary thing: we'll get it or we won't. 100% chance or zero. Just know that you'll be on the side of zero going forward. And while you may feel like the wind's been sucked right out of you now, you'll be strong again. You will.
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You have to understand one thing. You are not a statistic. You are a subset of One. Your outcome will be yes or no, so your odds starting out will always be 50/50, and it's up to you to boost those odds by being aware and dealing with the best doctors you can find. You won't be 60% dead or 40% alive. You will be you, and it's up to you to see to it that you live.
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