Children's reactions after it's over

Brandy, although my dttr was an infant during my treatment, she has had some separation anxiety and has a really difficult time with change. She cried everyday for the first two weeks of kindergarten. Interestingly enough, my girlfriend is a kindergarten teacher who had a child who was exactly the same as my dtr. And his mom also had cancer when he was an infant! I think there is just so much emotional turmoil going on that they pick it up, no matter what you do to try and love them and keep things "normal". Anyway, what I am trying to say, is first of all, do not blame yourself! Second, I think this is normal and third, maybe have them get into some counseling - both individually and as a family. And lastly, hang in there! Raising a family is hard enough - having cancer just adds to that! My dtr was smaller and has had a lot more time in between to adjust. It is helpful to let their teachers know what is going on - I had to fight to get my little one in with the teacher I wanted this year, but she has been fabulous for her.

I have two teenagers, and my youngest turned 16 right after my dx.  My husband and I did everything we could to make sure they were OK, and as a 'double check' we would were checking in with teachers on a regular basis to make sure all was well and would talk with their friends parents.  Everyone kept saying they seemed 'normal', but both my husband and I were concerned about our 16yo.  

After I finished active treatments we thought perhaps we were overly concerned about the youngest and life was moving forward and our oldest went off to college.  Nope we were wrong.  A downward spiral happened with our now 17yo, some of it could be said to be typical teenage stuff, but I know now for a fact it all started once I had finished chemo, but didn't become evident for several months.  Lying, sneeking behind our backs, grades dropping, and other stuff too. I contacted a family counselor, thankfully it was a good fit from the very beginning.  My son did not want to go, so we said that was fine, but we as his parents needed to go because we did not know how to communicate with him and help him, although of course he said we were the problem.  We told him we loved him and wanted a relationship.  After we went he asked us how it was, good sign. We were honest with him, talked about the session.  Once he realized we were going to figure out how to have a relationship with him again we asked him to come with us for our next session.  He didn't need to say anything, just listen.  He did join us and then agreed to go on his own.  We also continued to have sessions as a family too.  

Jump forward about 6 months.  We are no longer going for counseling but know it is there if we need it.  His grades are improving, he is excited about applying to colleges this coming fall, looking for a summer job, becoming involved with positive activities again, we are communicating and having great conversations and the trust is being rebuilt.  I feel like we are getting our son back again and are definitely on the correct path.

I know my kids are older than yours, however cancer affects the entire family, and I believe if they are having issues they hide it while we are going through 'active' treatment because don't want to add anything to our plates.  But once they see that we are done with the 'hard' stuff of treatment they start to relax a bit and the issues they are dealing with begin to show in various ways.  

You are doing the right thing seeking professional help.  For us working with a counselor who worked with us as individuals and as a family unit really helped, but every situation and family is different.

Best wishes.