Things We Wish People Would Say to Us

My husband told me when I was breaking down and asking, "why, why me?  why do I have this shit happen to me?"  and he told me, "because I'm strong enough to take it!"  and I am and always will be!

"I'm going to bring you a casserole Friday evening.  Do you have any food restrictions?"

Said instead of "Let me know if I can help."

"I'm so sorry you are dealing with cancer."

Said instead of "Oh, my grandmother died of that!"

I wrote up a bunch more. 

I hate it when my friends say "call if you need any help" because that only makes me stay away and not call them.  I do wish people would just call to say that they are thinking about me and wishing me well.  There are some family members who call to ask for my "progress report" which I feel is insensitive and makes me not want to share anything about my health.

My neighbor (who was listening to me through the whole mammo/biopsy process) said when it came back positive--  I don't know what to say or do for you but I am willing to be here and listen to you. I may not know how to answer, but anytime you need to talk, I am here. This is from someone who works FT w/ 3 kids and is willing to add my stress in her life. It was the best thing for someone to say. On the other hand, I've heard some dumb doozys, but that is for the other thread.

Sweetpea,

You are lucky to have someone like your neighbor in your life.  I too, had a friend who emailed to say that she really doesn't know what to say but will be supportive and listen to whatever I had to say.  

I don't want to appear selfish, but I don't want to hear from my family member that her life has been adversely affected by worrying about my health and how stressful it is for her. Instead I would like her to say 'it's all about you' and mean it. It doesn't all have to be about me really but I would like understanding that my problems are greater than hers.

And instead of my family member commenting that my wig did not look real enough and telling me to get it fixed before anyone would notice, she could have gently helped me to adjust it.



It was not helpful either when she refused to look at my almost hairless head when visiting me in my own home and told me not to take my hat off on the beach or at a holiday resort town when my hair was regrowing three months after chemo. And would not look at my newly grown hair as we sat on the beach when I did remove my hat briefly to feel the breeze in my hair.

While I was in the middle of chemotherapy and about my darkest days, I had one doc dump on me and I was really down on myself and scared for my treatments, and my oncologist must have been able to see the pain all over me those days. Without asking what or why, he just looked at me and sincerely said "How can I make your life better?"



I just pulled my armor up closer and said, "I will be fine." But what I really thought was "You just did." Because for at least a few minutes I had a smile in my heart and one crossed my face. I knew I mattered because of those few caring words.

Instead of telling my mother "we haven't called her because we don't want to bug her" (please!) send me a funny card! Facebook me, email me...anything. Jack ass cousins who I grew up with (mostly boys, ok since I was a Tomboy) can't even do this....

Wish my best friend would say, "I'm working hard to stay healthy even more now" rather than telling me I'm her inspiration. Inspiration? Who is inspired by someone who's leg is caught in a trap or snare and is willing to chew it off to get free? It grosses me out and sickens me. Down day I guess. Need a nap!