Joke of the Day - laughter is the best medicine

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Shrek4
Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am not sure if there is a thread like this or not, but I thought that we can post here the best jokes we hear or read. And we can come and read them when we feel we need some laughs.

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Typical man

 A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

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  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
    edited March 2013
    A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
    The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature. " After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
    "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer. "
    This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
    After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
    She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.
    After half an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
    "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
    Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
    fter a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."
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  • mrsnjband
    mrsnjband Member Posts: 1,409
    edited April 2012

    ROFL

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  • GramE
    GramE Member Posts: 5,056
    edited April 2012

    The blonde gal buys a new car.   Driving during the day is great, but she cannot get it to start once it is dark.   Of course she goes back to the dealership and complains.    They keep the car overnight to check it out and find nothing wrong.    

    A couple of days later she returns with the same complaint.   The mechanic asks her if she knows how to start the car.   Her reply:   yes, I put it in D for day time and N for night time... 

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  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
    edited March 2013

    lol!

    I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''. 

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  • CapeTownBM1
    CapeTownBM1 Member Posts: 17
    edited April 2012

    I was buying a large bag of Dog food at Pick and Pay and standing in line at the check out.  A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    On  impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Eukanuba Diet again, although I  probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd  lost 22 kilos before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out  of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

    I told  her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to  load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time  you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to  try it again.  I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.  Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my b@lls and a car hit me.

    I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

    Stupid b!tch...why else would I buy dog food??

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