After dbl mastectomy 2 yrs later...

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MelsMontie
MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
edited June 2014 in Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned

My dbl mastectomy was in feb. 2010. I JUST had my every 3 month check up..just last week. The cancer was in 3 lymph nodes, but they think it is all gone. I had chemo first, surgery, and even though they said no rad. Unless it was in 4 or more, when 3 came back positive, i went thru radiation. This morning, I am laying in bed thinking, why am I sore? Ok, I am way over weight... And I have side/back boobs... I think I feel a small place, right where I am sore. At first, I thought it was the weight being pressed down ... But really in after thought... It feels like my BC when I felt it. Mammograms missed mine... For more than 2 years. I had to have them feel it when I had the mammo. They then did an ultrasound and found it. It was not considered early detection. (mammograms do NOT catch everything). I can't decide I am being paranoid or should go back to oncologist? Did she miss it on physical exam last week? I have been so tired, exhausted and depressed since BC... Not sure I am up to it all again. That age old question, am I depressed because I am fat? Or am I fat because I am depressed? Yes, I am taking antidepressants . Yes I have talked to my doctor. She says due to the cancer, I can talk to a psychologist. Am I exhausted because I am depressed or depressed because I am exhausted. The aromasin builds up, and my hips kill me. They did finally give me pain pills for that, last week. I use a walking cane when it gets bad. I can no longer ride my horses. It has almost been a year since I rode. Sorry, I am just deeply depressed and don't want to worry my family. Maybe I should call and see oncologist again to ease my mind.

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  • cheryl1946
    cheryl1946 Member Posts: 1,308
    edited April 2012

    I think you should see doctor to ease your mind,and maybe get an us?

    Best of luck to you.

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  • lisagwa
    lisagwa Member Posts: 232
    edited April 2012

    Sorry you feel this way. I can relate to the part of not knowing which came first....the chicken or the egg. Sometimes the unknown can leave us anxious and frozen. For me, i then get overwhelmed with it all. However, since you feel a possible lump, listen to yourself and find the energy to get another physical exam or ultra sound to get a definitive answer. In the meantime, can you call your doctor who prescribed anti depressants. Maybe he/she can change dosage amount or recommend something else (a different anti depressant or support group). Good luck.

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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    She suggested psychologist. She is probably right.

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited April 2012

    Mels- Sorry you are feeling so depressed and feeling this way. I only wanted to add that when I was taking the aromisin I hurt all over and got depressed could it be that is what is causing your pain and depression? Second, It could be fat necrosis causing the lump you feel but I would get it checked out to ease your mind and be sure. I hope you feel better soon. ((((hugs))))

    Debbie

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  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited April 2012

    We're all a little paranoid after our diagnosis. I would definitely insist at least an ultrasound on the spot that concerns you. We know our bodies better than anyone else.

    A psychologist, especially one who sees a lot of cancer patients, would probably be a good idea. Also, if your antidepressant prescriber is a family doc, you might want to see a psychiatrist or ARNP who prescribes. Sometimes it takes a lot of tinkering to find the right dose or med.

    Someone on the side effects thread said taking a Claritin at bedtime did wonders for her joint pain. IMHO it's in the category of wouldn't hurt to try. Good luck and hope you'll be feeling better soon. 

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  • Karen3
    Karen3 Member Posts: 307
    edited April 2012

    HI Mel,

    I am so sorry you are feeling a bit low and I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. In fact, I was having the same conversation today with one of my friends. I just have very little energy and I am so tired all the time. Like you, I also have 'sore spots' here and there and my hip hurts etc. I even told my friend, 'Am I feeling this way because I am depressed, or am I depressed because I am unwell?". So, reading your post was de ja vu!

    I think that this is just the 'new normal' for us Mel. We both have to be realistic about this - we have to be vigilent about our health after a BC diagnosis but the chances are that we are fine. As for me, I have decided to monitor the 'sore spots' and check for changes and just look after myself. It's a daily battle sometimes though. You and I were diagnosed at the same time - Sep 2009. We've both been through a lot and sometimes just talking to somebody can help to come to terms with things. So, the psychologist might not be a bad idea. But, all the same, please do get any odd symptoms checked out.

    Karen XX 

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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    Thanks Karen! I almost always try to be upbeat.... Especially around others, but right now, I am spiraling down. My oncologist was the one prescribing,antidepressants..... Aromasin is the 2nd med we have tried er/pr+ meds. I even just flat out told my youngest daughter today I am severely depressed... wHAT was I thinking..... She is a senior in college, 1 week from finals...... That was stupid... She has enough to worry about. She has one more semester to go, but telling her right before finals was selfish and wrong..... Can't take that back. Siiiigh. I called the oncologist nurse. She is suppose to call me back.

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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    Debbie, aromasin is not the first one I have taken... This one is so much better tha n the first one.having permanent chemo brain (actually it is getting worse) I have no idea what it was called. I was on tamoxifen until I tested post-menopausal. Praise the good Lord on that one! She told me that all these drugs can potentially have the side effect of painful joints. Aromasin is just so much better than the last one. I would just love to feel the invisibility I felt at 17...... Just for a week... Nothing could hurt me... I would ride my horse bareback... Jump 4' fences and not think twice of it... Skinny as a rail, big boobs... Now no boobs and fat.. How funny. Life is always changing. LOL

    (yes I turn to humor a lot , my way of coping) thank you for your support. I do appreciate it.

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  • Karen3
    Karen3 Member Posts: 307
    edited April 2012
    Mel - dont beat yourself up over mentioning how you feel to your daughter. I would guess that she probably already knew and will be relieved that you have told her. My son is nineteen and in his first year at uni. I talk to him quite a bit about how I feel and he says that he feels happier when I do. I think you just have a bit of a 'downer' on yourself Mel. Your comment to Debbie made me smile! I often think about how I 'used' to be....I would go running every other day and circuit training every other day - I was totally fit. Now I feel exhausted most of the time. I am sure there are happier days ahead - for both of us. Hang in there Laughing X.
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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    Now I recall. I was on femara that was what made it hard for me to stand up straight... (saw it on someone else thread ... Femara

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  • marilyn113
    marilyn113 Member Posts: 118
    edited April 2012

    Oh if I had a dollar for every time I said or thought the same thing!  I've had depression (mostly PMS-related) for most of my life and fatigue issues for 20 years from fibro.  My anit-depressant wasn't working well before I was diagnosed last Sep, so I switched.  Now when I have days where I can be somewhat productive, I don't feel depressed.  But on the days I can barely function I get depressed.  How can you be happy when you don't feel good?  I plan to tell my MO next week that I am not taking any AIs.  I can't handle more pain and fatigue than I already have.

    Hang in there ladies!

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited April 2012

    Mels- Oh I know what you mean, wish I looked and better yet felt like I did in my 20's and 30's Seems like I am worried and scared of everything now, I was so brave when I was younger! Its good to have humor in this I think it gets us through the hard times.

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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    This morning my body feels like I had a ton of drinks, hung over from h___. I never was a drinker, but liked a drink every now and again. Chemo took that ability away. I was on major tummy meds for a long time. Anyway, I don't drink. But my body is in hung over mode. Wish I could stay in my chair today. I have a house to clean. Friends coming Monday to celebrate April birthdays. Steaming carpets is totally exhausting. I would say I am mentally better, but who knows? The coffee has not reached the brain yet. Ahhh I think I am better mentally. Of course all subject to change in a blink of an eye.

    Debbie, boy do I get that...scared of every thing. Is that the effect BC had, or old age creeping in? I don't know how old you are, but I aged 10 years since my diagnosis. First chemo my period stopped and menoooopause jumped in. I am 51 going on 65. I rode horses my whole life. Now I have not been confident in the saddle since this started. I have not been on since last June. Having bought a young horse 1 year before this began- I did not build enough trust in the relationship and he is still a young horse with no riding in a year. He was very laid back and easy.... But... Young horses need their constant riders. Wish I could hop on my old guy. We would still click, but unfortunately, I had to retire him due to lame issues. Wish I had someone who could jump on the young one and see where his brain is. Not that I could be constantly riding. Sorry.

    I am just sitting here delaying my day with this coffee, with nonstop typing.

    Y'all have a great day, I will check in periodically.

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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    Ok, they just called. I see a doctor Tuesday for depression.

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  • marilyn113
    marilyn113 Member Posts: 118
    edited April 2012

    MelsMontie - I hope the doctor can help you with the depression.  I switched from Celexa (which I think contributed to my steady weight gain over the last few years) to Effexor.  If I wasn't dealing with the radiation fatigue, I think I'd be feeling great.  My appetite has definitely gone down.  I don't feel the intense desire to eat all the time.  I'm eating healthy and trying to lose about 40 pounds.  I lost 10 and got stuck at a plateau, so I have been using myfitnesspal.com to track everything I eat.  So now I'm losing again and can track my protein and fiber intake as well as calories.  It boosted my mood this morning to step on the scale and see another pound gone!

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  • lisagwa
    lisagwa Member Posts: 232
    edited April 2012

    Just to let you know my experience with Effexor was good. However, if you decide to get off it at some point, you usually have to taper off and ask a doctor because it can cause dizziness.

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited April 2012

    Mels- Glad you got an appointment. I will be 54 in june I had an early menopause (46) I had lung cancer and part of my left lung removed and never had a peroid after that. I think its both old age and chemo. I am almost 2 years out from last treatment and had a hard time getting things done, no energy but then i started excercizing and lost weight I had started feeling better than i had even before chemo but somewhere along the last 6 months i started eating more, excersizing less and lost a lot of my energy again. I think the key here for me is get back on that horse again, (no pun intended) LOL!  Maybe you can start riding again or somthing else you love to do, it may help with depression too. Best Wishes!

    hugs

    Debbie

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  • Ang7
    Ang7 Member Posts: 1,261
    edited April 2012

    Oh Mel~

    I was just thinking about you and your horses the other day.

    My thoughts are with you sister.

    Hugs to you...

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  • MelsMontie
    MelsMontie Member Posts: 72
    edited April 2012

    Thanks Ang, I am currently on 40 mg. Celexa.... My mood swings are irritating. Yesterday was "ok" but then at dinner, something hubby said brought me back down. I am trying to put a vacation together, my "dream" once in a life time trip.. He has been once and all it does in discussions, is remind him of how horrible that trip was for him.... He was becoming diabetic - unknown to his parents, and all they did was yell at him. His father later apologized, after he too became diabetic, but his step mom never did. When I mention "Alaska" that brings up all those horrible emotions. Hard to look forward, when he just brings up the past. If I found somebody else to go, the cost would be half, ok.......



    I am in a winey mood.... I will take my gripes butt to the grocery store. Thanks everybody!

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