How Do I Stop Feeling Guilty

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zara123
zara123 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hi Everyone,

It's my first post on this board.  Up until last year I was in a ten year relationship which sadly broke down .  He was diagnosed with leukemia around 7 years ago. We were fine up until about four years ago when his diagnosis gradually got worse and it was nothing but bad news.  Just over three years ago I was diagnosed with BC myself.  We both tried to make the relationship work and I was as supportive as anyone could be but he couldn't find it in himself to support me when I really needed it.  Things dragged on but we finally made the break for good last year.  It breaks my heart to think I lost my best friend and cancer has caused so much misery for both of us.

I have a colleague at work who was diagnosed with BC and I tried to support her as much as I could going to chemo etc (this made me feel really depressed as I had so many bad side effects the last place I wanted to be was the same hospital I was treated in but I couldn't say no), she began to rely on me too much.  I have had to take a step back and not get involved.  I feel really bad about this but I need to look after myself and get over the relationship which was a big part of my life and to be honest my coping mechanism is not to think about cancer I did all the research after diagnosis now I just live a healthy life as possible. I still feel guilty though even though I had reached breaking point, how do I stop? 

Thanks for your advice 

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  • lago
    lago Member Posts: 17,186
    edited April 2012

    Zara believe it or not when I was first diagnosed I decided not to join a support group because I was fearful that others would relay on me too much. I like to help people but sometimes don't know when to say no. At that time I knew that I was going through treatment and needed some energy for me.

    You are still healing. The best you can do for your friend  and you is not to have her totally dependent on you. Recommend other resources including this site. This site ended up being my support group.

    You have nothing to be guilty about. If you give everything you have then you will have nothing for yourself. Balance is important.

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  • etherize
    etherize Member Posts: 423
    edited April 2012

    I agree with lago.  You've been through an awful lot in a short period of time -- bc, the breakup of a relationship, trying to be there for a friend who also has bc.  I totally understand not wanting to be at the same hospital you associate with pain, bad side effects and your own dx!

    I think you did the right thing by stepping back and focusing on your own recovery and mental health.  Like lago said, you have nothing to feel guilty about! 

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  • Sommer43
    Sommer43 Member Posts: 600
    edited April 2012

    You stop! 

    Guilt is an emotion that can do untold damage to health, and health will always be our best asset.  If a person was stealing your assets, as in material things, you wouldn't feel guilty for no longer having contact with them, because you had been wronged.  Why take a chance with your health?  It is already being questioned with your breast cancer.  Guilt eats away at us, like a rat gnawing away at our inners, the only damage is to ourselves. 

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  • zara123
    zara123 Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2012

    Hi,

     Sorry I couldn't reply sooner as I didn't have internet access for the last few days.  Reading your responses has made me feel so much better.

     Lago thank you that is how I feel too I like to help people but my problem is that I get too involved.  Just like my bf I was more concerned about him and his treatment rather than myself.  Looking back it seems crazy that I didn't concentrate on my own issues.  Thankfully, the "fog" has lifted and I am now my number one priority.

    etherize it's difficult as I see her every working day but she knew what I was going through but I guess she's concentrating on herself which is fair enough.

    sommer43 so true even though stress didn't cause my cancer it did affect me for a long time.  Same as Guilt it's a negative emotion and none of us need this.

    Thank you for your kind words and I will stop the guilt Cool I'm currently training to run a marathon so focusing on the good and not looking behind me.   

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  • Sommer43
    Sommer43 Member Posts: 600
    edited April 2012

    Hi Zara,

     Hey, am glad you are doing something positive.  Think about you for a while, it never does a human being harm to do this... 

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