Making final plans this weekend. Too much.

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited April 2012

    I've been thinking about you all evening and I'm so happy that your husband went with you. I hope you are able to get a good night's rest... you are doing everything you possibly can.

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  • maccupiccu
    maccupiccu Member Posts: 67
    edited April 2012

    Thank you. The process has begun for her. It wasn't a good day at all.

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  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 2,859
    edited April 2012

    and now be very kind to yourself.

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  • maccupiccu
    maccupiccu Member Posts: 67
    edited April 2012

    Thank you. Bad day today. She's in a lot of anguish. Unfortunately the nurse's suggestion on morphine and ativan put her in unconsciousness so we have to back off on meds. I just want her to be at peace. It wasn't that it was scary for me, it was just so heartbreaking to know that she's fighting in the wrong way. She's very, very scared thinking certain things are happening and they're not. She needs mental peace. I told her it's ok to go. At least the day started off well. We had some good talks about nonsense--vacations, my son, etc. but then it just got bad. I told her I was here, I was going to protect her, just relax, I love her, and it's ok. I told her that over and over and held her hand trying to calm her. I left to get my son, went to the store, dad called in a panic about her unconsciousness, we called hospice. They said back off on the meds. I'm going there tomorrow morning after dropping my son off at daycare until about 4.

    The friggen chaplain though. To all future chaplains, it's all fine and dandy to talk religion, etc but don't show up to a hallucinating hospice patient "Hi, are you ready to meet God? Talk with him" and then talk about suicide, does she want to die, etc. Total WTF moment. Pissed me off (and her). Telling them no more chaplains. To each is own but none of us were religious anymore and that approach this guy took was totally, totally wrong in my opinion. Jerk.

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  • CoolBreeze
    CoolBreeze Member Posts: 4,668
    edited April 2012

    I'm confused, what is wrong with her being unconscience? I sure hope I am at the end!



    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My heart goes out to you. It's so stressful...

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited April 2012

    This is a bumpy, bumpy road, no way around it. I have to agree with Coolbreeze in that an unconscious state is probably a very good thing at this point. The Chaplain's behavior wasn't appropriate and I personally would have flipped the you-know-what out if that happened to me. I'm glad that you were able to spend time with your Mom... I'm sure she's very comforted by your presence... conscious or not. I do believe that my Dad felt my presence even when he was heavily sedated. Your Mom's pain and anxiety are being managed and that is what is important.

    Lots of love to you at this very difficult time...

    Rose. 

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  • katsOK
    katsOK Member Posts: 142
    edited April 2012

    To maccupiccu,  I  feel for you and the situation you are in with your mom.  I do not have any advise on handling the hospice part but some suggestions for afterwards.  My brother did not want a funeral and wanted to just be creamated.   His wife did let us come to the funeral home to see him before the creamation.  Before I went in to see his body, I listened to a song on a CD that meant a lot to me  To Where You are by josh Goban and I had had a small bunch of rosemary (remembrance) and a couple of magnolias (freedom) tied together.   I asked the funeral director if he would creamate the plants with him and he said he would.  Honestly my goodbys were very meaningful to me and probably did me more good than a funeral that was public.  Pick what feels right to you and do something by yourself or with your family to celebrate her life and what she meant to you.  Plant a tree, gather around a bond fire and tell stories about her, release a ballon in her name, think of what would make you feel better and do it.   Hope this helps.   Kathleen

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  • Margi1959
    Margi1959 Member Posts: 178
    edited April 2012

    Maccu I am so sorry that you are going through this.  You have a lot of challenges you are facing right now and I know your heart is breaking.

     I have been reading this thread and staying quiet because I can't fix your pain.  I lost my Mum October 1, 2011 so it's still pretty fresh for me.

    I have to agree with Coolbreeze though about medicating her into unconscienceness.  It was definitely a blessing for my Mum when she got to that point, it meant she wasn't struggling in pain at the end and she was aware that I was there with her. Let her sleep if you can. 

    edited to add:  yes, a family member does have to do the identification after a death.  My mum passed Oct. 1 and my dad passed Oct. 3. As their only child, I had to identify both of them at the funeral home on the days after their deaths (Mum later in the day on Oct. 1 and my dad on Oct. 4).  It was a chance for closure for me as I was Mum's primary caregiver for the whole year.  My dad lived in a different town (they hadn't been together in 45 years) so his death was a complete shock.  It gave me the chance to say goodbye to him quietly though and the funeral home (in both cases) was very gentle in their handling of our pain.  Honestly, it gave me comfort to see each of them out of discomfort at last and sleeping so peacefully.  Maybe that's just me though.

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