Calling all TNs

HUGS lovelyface!  We are here for you!

Sorry to hear you're feeling so alone.  Sending some Canadian HUGS your way.

I feel like I have less tolerance right now.  I was sitting outside the cancer centre after my 2nd last chemo and a guy was wheeled out by a volunteer to wait for his mobility transport van.  He lite up a cigarette.  I LOST my mind and started asking him why in hell he was smoking in front of the cancer centre after just being wheeled out by a volunteer.  My blood was boiling.  I would have never approached someone before, just would have stewed in my head.  I find I am more outspoken now.  I was SO angry when my husband pulled up with the car.  I told him what happened and then I screamed "And I get friggin' cancer!!!".  Just makes me angry.  I just seem to get set off more easily now then before. 

Heather - people can be so clueless!  

I've definitely changed.  I'm much more tolerant of stupid people.  Who knew?!  I've always been outspoken and have chosen friends carefully (or only intrepid people like me).  Now I'm more tolerant, less judgemental and generally more accepting of life.  Maybe it's because I might not have time to change them all?  Maybe, or maybe it's chemo chemistry changing something. Heck if I know, but it's a lot less stressful for me.

I agree that all of this very lonely-making.  I've always been the "strong one" and I suppose nobody around me has expected that to change.  So I try to cut them some slack.  However that doesn't take away the fact that cancer shifts everything.

Born - I would NOT have been tolerant and accepting of the smoker!  He would have been lucky that I didn't find something to whack him on the head with.

phgraham,

"remember I'm early stage" is like my mantra, I just keep repeating myself in my moments of panic.  Which, honestly does not happen nearly as much as before but they sneak up on me every now and then.  I do still think about it alot, just not the panic attacks. 

Wow great conversation.. the seperation of family and friends that dissapeared when I was diagnosed- they did not even wait till I was done with treatment- I just started rads. Trying to talk to my DH about the what-if's is like a dead end street. He refuses to even let me talk to him about anything that involves my thought process. I was recenty told I am very straight to the point these days. I answered back, I don't have time to beat around the bush, if you pissed me off you're going to know it. I love coming to these threads, they give me a sense of belonging. Yall understand and are going through the same thing as I. It gives me a feeling of sisters no matter what!

I have to admit, I'm am shocked at the people that walked away and the ones that stepped forward.  The ones I thought would be right there holding my hand we're the first to run, the ones I expected to run we're holding my hand.  Funny, how I managed to misjudge all these years.  Hubby actually told me that I've become a b*tch since going thru chemo.  Now, he didn't mean it in a nasty way.  Just a whole lot more straight forward then I've ever been and a lot more opinionated.  To be honest.  I sort of like it.  I'm tired of always trying to please everyone, now I spend more time "about me" 

Hi all,

Good thread about friends and family. My story is similar to everyone's. Now that I'm approaching the one year post diagnosis I find that it's even harder to convey my fears and concerns with those close to me. Every little ache or pain sends me spinning into the "what if" territory. Sometimes it seems like it's even harder at this point to stay positive than when I was going through chemo. At least that had an end date. Staying positive until the next mammo or test is in some ways much harder. I'm glad we have this board to be there for each other and to sound off.

Looks like I should change my photo. Now the hair is gray and curly. Going for my first trim in a year next week.

One big change I've noticed is that I don't sweat the small stuff the way I used to.  In most areas of my life, this has been a good thing.  But oddly enough, it's had a negative effect at my job.  I just can't seem to work up a head of steam over the little day-to-day "emergencies" the way my co-workers do, which makes it hard to relate to them.  And I'm very short on patience for all the bs....sometimes I just feel like screaming, "People, we're not saving lives here!!!"  It's like a constant reminder that I've been through something that most other people haven't experienced, and I have a different perspective.  And that makes me feel sorry for myself, if that makes any sense.  Sorry for the rant....thanks for letting me whine

Thank you Michele,

When we first learned of MBJ's reocurrance, I took it pretty hard and told my husband about it.  Told him about the pain she'd been having in her shoulder. 

While on vacation I had mentioned to the people we were with that I can't sleep on my port side due to shoulder pain (this is caused from the port, I can feel it) My husband didn't know this, all he heard was shoulder pain, we were traveling on an overnight train and stuffed into a little cubicle that slept 6, poor guy got up in the middle of the night to get sick he was so worried.  If only he had said something I could have relieved his worry but he was afraid to say anything in front of our friends. 

Needless to say, I DID NOT share our losses with him. 

Great picture, Heather!  I love to see the pelicans!

Heather-- MBJ's death scared the pee outta me as well.  Actually, I owe it to her that I came back to this thread.  I was looking up "shoulder pain" at bc.org and saw her thread.    Needless to say, I have been spending a lot of time and energy telling myself that "I am OK".  I think that we all (collectively) have good reason to be afraid.  However, I think that it is also important to try to reassure ourselves whenever possible.  The facts are that the vast majority of us will survive without recurrence.

Michelle and Heather -

While Mary's progression and then her death so shortly thereafter knocked us all for a loop, please also remember that Mary had problems from the get-go with that bad frozen shoulder, so as her pain worsened (and if you read back on her posts- the pain became totally excruciating and totally disabling to her), she just kept assuming that it was still the frozen shoulder.  The move from CA to KY took so much of her time, and the lack of insurance, she lost so much very precious time in finding out that it very obviously wasn't the frozen shoulder, but cancer that was eating away at it.  Such a tragic, tragic shame.  I mention this only in the hope of trying to keep each of you from going to that "dark spot" we all so often cause ourselves to do.  While I don't have pain in my shoulder from it, I have a "recessed" dent from where the port was, and it still remains sore to even touch it and mine has been out for about two years.  

Hugs,

Linda

Beccad: I am so sorry the abraxane is taking such a toll... maybe it's a sign that it's kicking the cancer's butt too. In any case, I hope you feel better soon - and get your appetite back. (((((((hugs)))))))  

Beccad, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time.  I hope that does mean it's kicking it a**!  Hope your feeling better soon and you get your appepitite back.

Bak, I can't believe your drains back.  How long did they say and  why?