help!! concerned for a loved one

Hi Fufu,

Sadly, in my experience, everyone who has turned down even surgery has had a bad outcome.  I've heard some anecdotes of people who beat it without surgery, but I can't verify it and I haven't seen it.  I'm really sorry that she is making these choices, especially with a ER/PR -, Her2+ diagnosis - that's really aggressive.   

My friend's mother chose that holistic route, some sort of body wraps and supplement therapy.  She had a small, stage I cancer.  She died two years later with it ulcerating through her skin, having spread to her lungs.  It was quite awful.  She was not in the medical system so couldn't get hospice care and her children had to do everything up to the end.

Her2+ cancer is very aggressive.  I had a Stage II HER2+ cancer and did all the treatment: mastectomy, 6 rounds chemo, a year of herceptin, and only four months later it was back in my liver.  I cut out half my liver and guess what?  It still grew back.  I'm back on chemo again and will be forever.  

Yet, hercpetin works for many women and they get long lives out of it.  Not trying is beyond my understanding.  I know the alties will tell you that nobody knows and there are lots of successes that are not documented, but you won't find me believing it.   I am pretty sure that your neice is going to succumb to cancer without treatment.

But, you can't make her do it.  So good luck to you. 

Fufu, when you say she is not looking well, what are her symptoms - is she in pain?

So sorry to hear about your concern -it must be painful and worrisome.

I fear that they may be nothing you can do - you can't make an adult get treatment if he/she doesn't want to. Sometimes it comes down to that basic principle. Somewhere, deep down, she may already have made a decision.

IDC grade 3 PLUS locoregional metastasis PLUS no surgery PLUS not looking good a few months later is quite ominous, to say the least.

My only advice is to try not to trouble yourself too much with research of what can or cannot happen. I would turn my attention to supporting her immediate family at this point.

There is so much we don't know here...

Anyway, sorry that we can be of so little help. Wishing you the best.

Edited.

Fufu,

I'm sorry she won't get the help she needs.  She does have the option of complimentery medicine and traditional.  She could alter her diet and get treatment as well.  I'm stage IV from the start in 6/09 and doing well but I realize many stage IV pass on even with treatment.  Treatment can prolong our lives for many years.

Terri

As sweetbean and many others have said...not having surgery to remove the tumor is a very risky venture.  The most adamant alternative gurus still strongly suggest that if a tumor can be removed by surgery, do it, beause the body's immune system must work too hard to try and kill off a cancerous tumor that has grown out of control, and it will then not have the ability to keep the body in a healthy state.  If nothing else, your relative must consider surgery.  That said, HER2+ is very aggressive, and whatever tx is considered, it should also be aggressive.  

Sending prayers and healing energy! 

Sometimes it's of the fear of losing (or having lost) control. Your cousin can't control the fact that she has cancer, but she feels she can control it HER way. She probably fears giving up control of her body to chemo, and opts for the "known" of diet, supplements, and her own value system.

Before long, unfortunately, she'll fear dying in pain. Which is what we all fear. Not dying, itself, but dying in pain.

Asking her where her fears lie may be quite an eye-opener. It may be none of the things I have mentioned.

At a minimum, she should have pain management, regardless of what she thinks the pain source is.

I am so sorry you are having to watch her go through this. She has made a less than popular choice. But as an adult, it IS her choice. My hope is that she has no regrets about her choice later. If she's living life the way she wants, so be it. (I know that's not a popular attitude/opinion on my part, but that's okay.)

Fufu, She is lucky to have you.  i know that you will be a blessing to her during this, whatever happens.  Sadly, I agree with Athena - things are looking ominous.  AnneW makes really good points about fear being the motivator.  "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" is a wonderful book by Bernie Siegel that talks about the power of the mind in these situations.  He was a surgical oncologist who believed that the mind had a lot of healing capabilities - however, he always advocated conventional treatment when it was recommended.  He just also saw visualization and guided imagery/meditation as powerful tools in the fight against cancer.  it's a wonderful book.

Furu, have you tried any sort oF intervention, with a group gently giving her the many reasons they want her to have the surgery? Perhaps have a minister from her church address the issues?