Sex in the week after chemo?

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JoanQuilts
JoanQuilts Member Posts: 633
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Gosh - this is my "raciest" post ever!  If one is feeling up to it, is it safe to have sex in the week after chemo.  I am concerned about infection, but don't know if this is a legitimate concern.  Thank you my dear friends!

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  • jgbartlett
    jgbartlett Member Posts: 112
    edited April 2012

    My onc said no sex for 7 days, not because of infection but because I had all these toxic substances in my body that my DH could come in contact with. But maybe a condom would make it ok, not sure on that one.

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  • shore1
    shore1 Member Posts: 739
    edited April 2012

    Joan, I asked my onc & she said "Have fun! Enjoy!" Ha ha - I had to laugh because it was really the last thing I felt like doing, but thought trying to keep things as normal as possible was good for both of us. So, we did & everything was fine. I had AC &Taxol/Herceptin and also worried about infection, but never had a problem (didn't use condom either).



    Once again, ask 10 different MO's and will probably get 10 different answers!

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  • shore1
    shore1 Member Posts: 739
    edited April 2012

    Btw joan, im just south of you down in mercer county. Love the jersey girl thread you started :)

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  • JoanQuilts
    JoanQuilts Member Posts: 633
    edited April 2012

    LOL Shore1 - it's the last thing I feel like doing too - but I hate to disappoint him!  Thanks for your remarks about the Jersey Girl thread.  Looking forward to getting to know you better!

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited April 2012

    Yes, and it did wonders to improve my sense of well-being.  You may need a bit of extra "warming up" time.  I also exercised throughout, so this was one of the areas!

    You will be done with everything soon, and on the mend in time for summer!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2012

    Hi Joan,

    Hubby and I kept up our sexual relationship all through chemo. No directives to "wait" or use a condom because of harm to either of us.  For me it was harder to "get going" at times, but it's good for you--releases endorphins--and good for our partners, too. MyDH was such a caring, concerned partner during chemo--helped me through depression, crying jags, fear.  I wanted him to have a break too. I couldn't do much for us but I could do that.

    It was sometimes the only time I felt normal...well, more normal...that pre-BC.

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  • SpecialK
    SpecialK Member Posts: 16,486
    edited April 2012

    I was told to definitely use a condom by the onc nurses in the very first briefing because of DH's exposure to the chemo drugs through contact with soft tissue.  Be a bit careful, or maybe gentle is a better word, as that soft tissue can tear and you can end up with an infection if your WBC are low. 

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited April 2012

    It never occurred to me to ask while I was going through chemo - nor did it occur to me not to do it.

    Leah

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  • K8ykat
    K8ykat Member Posts: 4
    edited April 2012

    I am so glad for you that its an option.  When my husband heard it was important that I not get pregnant during treatment he thought that meant he should stop having sex with me or hugging me.  So for ten months, nothing.  I had to really get creative and talk to my OB about how to make it successful; I was worried that the changes to my vagina would make my husband nervous also, but he did not seem to notice.  I got hormone levels checked and am using estring to maintain vaginal well being.  It has really helped to make it possible to be comfortable during sex, and more comfortable day to day also since the dryness etc is taken care of.  Good luck to you!

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  • dougieswife
    dougieswife Member Posts: 171
    edited April 2012

    Oh, wow...we were told not to....

    Now that I am finished with chemo, I'm wondering if it will ever happen again...but I'll save that for another post.... 

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  • CharB22
    CharB22 Member Posts: 310
    edited April 2012

    We weren't told anything and I didn't even think to ask. Sex has been the furthest from my mind. DH is probably glad I finished chemo on Thurs - he may actually "get some" soon. Poor guy has waited 5 months!

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  • luckykitkat09
    luckykitkat09 Member Posts: 190
    edited July 2012

    Ask the ONC and perhaps your surgeon. I would use a condom on the safe side even when the doctors say yes b/c you don't wanna risk infection.

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  • ang7894
    ang7894 Member Posts: 540
    edited July 2012

    My doctor said 5 days or later after your treatments are fine. But out of 5 months or so only had sex once yeah only once was never really in the mood gosh it's time to do something about this poor guy stress is bad enough but no sex either gees never thought about this but now that i am it's time...

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  • tina_jason
    tina_jason Member Posts: 147
    edited July 2012

    My ONC told me 48 hours after chemo was safe.  I usually didn't feel well then and waited 5 or 6 days.  I think it was good for both of us and was one of the few normal things I did throughout chemo.

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  • angeleyes12
    angeleyes12 Member Posts: 11
    edited July 2012

    Not sure how we will handle the sex issue, yes we are just sex maniac's lol...no not really but sex is a large part of our relationship that allows us to have the closeness we want with each other....we adore spending that special time together.  Other than the sex we are also very close and intune but I a sad about how this monster will affect our relationship...and my image of myself...ugh. any advice?  will be having rad and chemo and other drugs soon and have to make the choice of what type of surgery I will allow...its a bummer no doubt.   I might sound crazy but I will miss the pleasure I get from my nipples during sex, and don't know how to compensate if that is the case.... just don't know....

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  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
    edited March 2013

    0

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  • mags20487
    mags20487 Member Posts: 1,591
    edited July 2012

    I was never told one way or the other..just knew that I was no longer on birth control pills so be extra careful to avoid pregnancy.  for the first time in many  many year I actually have a great libido!!  My husband is loving it too!  we are having more fun now than when we were younger...quality is important--more important than quantity

    Maggie

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  • txstardust
    txstardust Member Posts: 599
    edited July 2012

    My doc told me to be very careful about birth control - didn't want to get pregnant.  The only other issue to consider is the possibility of infection if you have a low WBC.  I ended up in the hospital twice during chemo due to UTI's  Normally, a UTI isn't a big deal, but with nearly nonexistent WBCs, it nearly killed me the first time.  I don't want to scare you, just wanted you to know to be careful.

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  • PoliceWife84
    PoliceWife84 Member Posts: 136
    edited July 2012

    Hi!

    My Oncologist said it was fine if I felt like it! My husband and I did continue to be intimate, but I required a little more time to um, prepare, as chemo put me into immediate menopause at 31. We were very careful and always used a condom, just to be safe, as pregnancy was not an option at that time. Also, I second txstardust with the UTI's - just watch your WBC. :) 

    Love,

    Brandi

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  • christina0001
    christina0001 Member Posts: 1,491
    edited July 2012

    Wow, no one told me to not have sex at all. I don't think we ever did the week or so after chemo though. I was too tired. And after the third chemo treatment, I dried up and no lube made a difference, so sex was out...I'm seven weeks PFC and I'm still "broken."

    angeleyes, it has been rough...this whole process has really taken a toll on my self-image. Fortunately my husband has been very sensitive and understanding. The best advice I can give you is to just take it day by day, and when you feel up to it (emotionally and physically), there are all kinds of ways to be intimate with your partner. It takes patience and creativity...a sense of humor helps if things don't work out like you both planned.

    I thought about getting a BMX but onc and surgeon both said there was no medical reason to have my "good" breast removed...I thought about it anyway and decided I'd rather keep my "good" breast and still have sensation at least on one side.  I don't think it's worth dying for but if I can safely keep one breast I'll do it.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2012

    My partner and I continued/continue to have sex (but I was not told not to). I had to instigate the first time after my first op and again after stating chemo to reassure him that it was OK. Not that I felt like it much but I tried to keep life as 'normal' for him as possible . . . especially since I'm putting him through living hell with my mood swings and irrationality. I think it is good to feel like he still finds me attractive after everything to want to be with me like that too . . . . .

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  • alcb70
    alcb70 Member Posts: 166
    edited October 2012

    I know no one has posted in a while...but I am getting ready for my 2nd chemo tx (no surgery yet)....and my husband doesn't touch me.  We've never made sex a huge part of our relationship, but he's always been affectionate and cuddly.  Now I just feel diseased, and although I know he's trying and he still loves me, I feel like I'm just not attractive to him at all.  We have decent communication....but I feel like if I tell him that I need him to "make the first move" so that I still feel he's attracted to me, then he will...but I won't know if it's sincere or if it's because he's trying to make me feel better. And God forbid I make the first move and he isn't interested...then I'll be totally crushed.  I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.  The last time we were intimate was right before my 1st chemo ~ 3 wks ago. I have my 2nd round this week and know that I'm going to feel like crap soon.  That window will be gone and we'll be to almost 6 weeks again. No hair, a nasty tumor, bloated and moody....I'm a real treat!  What do I do??? I went to Victoria's Secret yesterday thinking that maybe I could drop he hint with a new nightie...but it was SO depressing just being in there!Ugghh just want to feel normal!!! :(

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  • Trina25
    Trina25 Member Posts: 99
    edited November 2012

    Hi ,I am not married but I have been having a sexual relationship wit a long time ex of mines . He is definitely a person that is familiar with my body and has been there through weight changes and actually likes the current weight changes , so I am comfortable with him. Of course I still have my personal hang ups but I feel as if you need that physical to add to the emotional. You have to let him know that you are ok and actually want sex. Let him know that's it's ok , maybe an old fashion conversation . He's most likely doesn't want to pressure you and most likely wants to be with you but he jus doesn't know . And I say if you are physically able to have sex go ahead cause alot of women are not , I was so happy to discover that I didn't have the common vaginal dyness and not anything really different . And also you probably should get into a routine now before surgeries and reconstruction if that is in your future. Hope this helps

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