March 2012 chemo

I can't get the link to work on my iPad. If I ever get my butt out of bed I will try it on the desktop. I like the lyrics.

Hi ladies, I've been around the last couple days, just hadn't posted. I finally found out about chemo and wanted to let you know. (Thanks for the PM's Katy, Karri and Alice).  I am officially done with chemo after my one cycle.  My oncologist did hear back from the "gray hairs" oncologist (more experienced, but that is what my onc said).  Anyway, the other one said she would not do any more chemo with me.  Today my oncologist said she has mulled this over, slept on it, and just feels like it isn't worth the risk that I would have an anaphylactic reaction next time.  I agree.  That oncologist also did not think I would get a 5% reduction in recurrence risk with chemo. My onc pointed out that my recurrence risk with tamoxifen alone (besides my bmx) is 10%.  If it was 30 or greater or if this was neoadjuvant, we would HAVE to try something else.  I agree with her that it isn't worth the risk either.  It's just so weird that I reacted, because I don't have any drug or food allergies, or even hay fever allergies!  Even anesthesia doesn't bother me like it does some people.  My oncologist did point out that since my hair is (mostly) gone, we can assume the chemo has done it's job. (I still would've like to get in the 4 cycles I signed up for!) 

About the song, I haven't listened yet but love the lyrics.  You country fans might like Martina McBride's song I'm Gonna Love You Through It, I think it's called.  A friend told me about it so I bought it on iTunes.  I can just about get through it without crying now.

The hair topic, anyone else have more trouble with losing your hair than you did your breasts? (Don't get me wrong, that was rough too) I am really struggling.  I like my wig and am getting used to it, but this is so hard.  The last of my femininity, gone!  I don't like my dh to see me without my hat/wig/turban, whatever.  I know that sounds bizarre, and I never expected to feel like that, but I do.  I don't care as much about the kids seeing me.  I guess I'll get used to it, and then maybe I won't care.  I think the reason I don't want him to see me is because I don't look feminine.  He says it's fine, but still...

I have been keeping up with everyone, I just can't address everyone tonight.  Those of you suffering bad SE's, I really feel for you. That first week after tx is rough.  Amy, with the embolism, so sorry about that - how scary.  Will pray for you; I hope you are in a better place with that right now.  You mentioned you are a physician.  What is your specialty?  It must be nice to have connections to other doctors.  

Hope everyone has a good night! Karri, lunch - soon!

Amy 

Tx2 Day 16. I went to Look Good Feel Better this morning. It was fun, although I feel a bit over-made up now, and I'm not digging the brightness of my lippy.

I was the youngest there by a couple decades, until the last woman arrived. We sat together, and I found out that we are doing the same treatments on the same days. Kind of nice to know someone in RL who is going through the same thing.

It was 'meat week' at Pak'n'Save last week, so I bought a big cheap leg of lamb. This afternoon I intend to cook up a storm. My hubby has been looking forward to it for days, lol.

Speaking (typing) of eating, the left side of my mouth is really sore with ulcers right now, so I'm only eating on the right side. Frustrating.

I am making a memory bracelet during chemo, marking each infusion appointment with a bead. Today I ordered a sterling silver bead which looks like a breast cancer ribbon.

Katy- Yes, 'Kia kaha' is Maori for 'Be strong'. I like it too. Also, I get my bloodwork done on the day of infusion too, so I don't know how I'm doing in between infusions. And yay, I love India Arie.

Sissydi- I'm glad that you're feeling better. I checked out ostrich head pictures, and had a good laugh. Identical to my balding head at the moment. I expect it will be all gone by Tx3, or very soon after!

tc9876- I try to write my replies as I am reading the posts!

MLB- They probably should tell you if they infuse sedatives, so that you know not to drive afterwards. I wonder if they did that the first two times?

Gabbi- Glad to hear that your hospital visit was a short one. I've got a few mouth ulcers at the moment too, aren't they a drag? Yay for a new car!

Amy- Yikes! Sorry to hear you've had a rough time lately. Sometimes I think it is ridiculous that we get pumped full of drugs and then sent home to monitor ourselves. I'm hope that you're feeling better now.

CAYH- As well as the infusion, I take 2x Dexamethasone on Days 2, 3 and 4. It hasn't been preventing me from sleeping those days. Also, I was so glad to avoid the constipation (pine cones!) in tx2.

gelina99- Welcome to the board. Hope you find some good support here.

Laura- I had awful indigestion after eating lemon, and then after eating pineapple. Each time it was in week 2 after treatment. I treated it with Acidex a couple times, and slept sitting up in bed. That seemed to take care of it.

Amymom- I had much much much more trouble with losing my breast. Nearly lost my mind over having to make that decision. I was always big breasted and part of my identity and sexuality belonged in that breast!
In comparison, I have always enjoyed messing around with different hair styles, and I am enjoying scarves and turbans a lot. I feel really comforted knowing that my hair will grow back.
Having said that, I can totally understand how losing your hair could really mess with someone's sense of self.

Amy- sorry you had to lose your hair before they found this out. And I LOVE.that Martina Mcbride song. Little did I know when it first came out that it would become my anthem.



I'm also in it for the long haul unti July. My hairs just now is starting to thin and shed like crazy. It's really starting to hit me that I'm going to lose it.

Wow there are alot of posts.  Been feeling a bit icky since yesterday although typical from past TX's.  I'm supposed to go to excercise class today, hmm I'll see how I'm feeling.  I suppose I should just go and do what I can, will likely make me feel better. 

Amy

You gave it your best shot with the chemo but your doctors are right in discontiueing it with those alergic reactions! For a 5% reduction in re-occurance it's not worth the risk. I feel the same way as you do about the hair loss vs the loss of my breast which continues to astound me.  Like I've said before, with the exception of seeing myself naked, I don't even think about my breast really.  Its easily disguised with my prostestis and I was gratefull when diagnosed that the cancer had not spread beyond it (that we know of anyway).  But the hair thing sucks.  I wish I was more confident in this. 

I did however have a good chuckle over it last Thursday.  My BFF came down for the night to accompany me to last TX.  I had my wig on when she arrived.  She immediatley said take that thing off I want to see your head!  So I whipped it off and we laughed our heads off.  I've known this gal since I was 12 (49 now) and her Mom is a BC survivor for 25+ years now.  So she has a good perspective on everything.  She was amazed at my MX scar vs her Moms too.  I guess things have come a long way.

Galena

You continue to amaze me with your fabulous outlook.  You made me LOL with the pine cone analogy, can so relate back to my first TX!  I know what you mean with the LGFB program, I felt a little to made up as well.  I  haven't worn so much make up since the 80's!  I'm glad you were able to connect with someone on the same schedule as you too.  It helps to have someone like that during TX.

When going for my pre TX bloodwork last week I ran into a friend with his Mom, she's a day ahead of me.  Before I left I sat with her for about half an hour and we just chatted about all things BC while he got a coffee.  She was happy to talk to another woman, only has her son and husband and doesn't go online at all.  I told her I would stop by next visit for sure. If you can believe it this woman was diagnosed in another city and told to get her affairs in order. She said when she asked questions, the MO put her hand up ie "talk to the hand"!  She came down here for a consult on a thyroid issue and asked for a referral to the oncology centre I'm attending.  She is now in pre surgery chemo to reduce the tumor and treat the nodes but told her they will NOT give her an experation date!!  I'm so happy I'm also being treated here.

Katy

Love India Arie!!!

onvacation

Sorry the shedding has commenced, I know it feels like crap.

Complaint of the day...my mom telling me "oh your hair isn't shedding that badly, you don't need to cut it off yet."  That is all.  More later.  Posts, not complaints. 

Edited to add I just dropped a box of 100 paperclips.  I must now either pick them up or step over them all day.

I take magnesium every night - did before chemo also - I use natural calm and got it on amazon.  Helps get and keep things "moving" and relaxes you too!   Hope you find some relief!

Oh and yes, I have found I am pretty emotional, especially if I overdo it.  When I get tired I just start crying over everthing!

Kitb04- something so poignant and funny about dropping 100 paper clips. It sort of represents the frustration of the chemo. Go sit in a chair and veg and stare at those paper clips until one has the energy to deal with them or have a very UN Zen like moment picking them up, one by one. Today the paper clips would remain on my floor while I contemplate going to work for the first time in 2 weeks.

Ok, I have time to catch up now - had my oh so nutritious breakfast of coffee and pound cake - told you the appetite was back, as well as the 10 lbs I lost - and picked up the paperclips.  I didn't need my boys (kitties) batting them about under all the furniture (that is, if they ever choose to get up today, did I mention they are fat and lazy?)

MLB - What a MESS!  I guess milk will cause a bit of an odor in time as it pools under the fridge!  And OMG on your friend's mom.  "Get your affairs in order?"  Really?  How awful for her.

Lost - I PM'd you...hope your day gets better.

Corky - good luck with TX today.  Speaking of 80s songs, when I had that infection/seroma pre chemo I kept singing "My Seroma" to the tune of My Sharona...

I get super emtional at night - not necessarily crying/sad - just irritated as hell at everyone and everything.

fedfan - sorry you had a bad time yesterday - ugh on the "rushing" of the A....I was really lucky my first TX and there were only a few people there.  Yesterday when I was having labs, they were bursting at the seams.

Laura - I started taking Prilosec for the heartburn and it seems to be helping.  The only reason I chose that one is my mom has a huge quantity and she can't use it anymore so it was here.

Ok, I know I probably missed some even with my two browsers open reading/posting system so hope everyone has a good day.  Katy - do you go today for TX?

I (and my mom, its like she is my bodyguard or something) have to take my girls to the eye dr this afternoon for exams and new glasses (contacts for the older actually) and then we are doing a little belated birthday get together for my dad over at my bro/sil.  I have decided not to do the big buzz yet as long as I can still get my hair to look ok and it isn't falling out in clumps.

Constipation - in general - I don't think anyone in our group has that screen name - how to put this...I don't have the most regular time of it anyway so I got clogged up pretty quick...I managed to get it under control with just stool softeners although they take longer to work than laxatives...there are lists of foods out there that are natural laxatives but at the time I couldn't eat anything much less things I didn't like.

Amy - you know I have been thinking of you with the chemo decision and I am relieved for you a decision has been made.  Yes, lunch soon - after I am safely in a wig so I do not shed all over the food

Well ever since corkys post I've been walking around singing "they're trying to make me go to chemo bit I won't go go go". Then karri's post about "my seroma"! What a musical we have going on here today! Hope everyone else is having a good day!

way to go Karri!

Okay, here goes, I actually had to make a photo bucket acct to post.  The thing that looks like a dead rat is my hair.  My mom had already cut it to right below ear length so I just chopped it all off.  Why didn't anyone tell my my hair was the color of, well, a rat?  Hideous!

I have weird faces in these pictures...you know the "I am taking my own picture with a phone" face.

Beautiful Karri!

You look gorgeous!! Show it no mercy!