Need help with mom!

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doloresmc
doloresmc Member Posts: 9
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

She had a lumpectomy followed by rads March last year. Now is on tamoxifen and hating every day with it, threatening with stopping it (bone pain, etc...everything is tamoxifen's fault)She's supposed to see her doc for a follow up in April (mammogram, bone scan, blood tests, etc) and she vehemently says she won't do it!. I do not understand!. and do not know how to go around it: let her be or push for it. She's a heavy smoker and drinks quite a bit too. She went through a period of severe depression but seems to be a bit better about it.  What do you suggest I do?.

I live in the States and she's in Argentina..I'll be traveling next month (April) and I told her ahead of time that I was going to go with her to her appointments..she says in no uncertain terms that she's not seeing the doctor!.

Any help, words of wisdom?. She's 64 years old and acting like an 80 year old recluse!!.

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  • dogeyed
    dogeyed Member Posts: 884
    edited April 2012

    Basically she's experiencing exhaustion from all the treatments, and she's in denial, and she's afraid they'll find something else to bother her with.  She's had it. 

    I can tell you that Tamoxifen can have a mental effect on people, it can make a person a little crazy, as well as cause bone type pain and irritation.  You can read what some of the women have said about it under "Hormonal Therapy," I believe is the name of the forum at this website.  Since you are going to be with her in April when her doc appoints are, I suspect she will go with you to see her doc even tho she won't want to, and if worse comes to terrible, you can call her doc and explain what's going on, and hopefully his offices will advise you. 

    And look at it this way, if she stops her Tamox and if she doesn't go to the doc, later on she may change her mind about one or both.  Your main focus should be to get her to the doc, and to take advantage of her depression lifting and have a pleasant visit, aside from a few words of well-placed wisdom from you here and there.  Smiles and laughter and some walks together will do as much for her healing as any of the other.  But she's just out of sorts right now, and since you are not there to get a good feel for the situation, that's really hard on relatives to handle. 

    The calendar just turned into April yesterday, so won't be long now!  I hope you visit goes well, I suspect she'll go to the doc with your coaxing, and just being with you will help her more than you know.  I hope this little bit helps.  GG 

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  • doloresmc
    doloresmc Member Posts: 9
    edited April 2012

    Thank you so much for your reply!!. It means so much to me!. THANK YOU

    I suspect you are right..It's hard being here and her sister is pestering her (out of love and concern) but I'm afraid it will end in a big feud..something's got to give :O  I'll follow your advice and try and just be with her, have fun and take it easy. 

    Thank you again for your reply!.

    Dolores

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited April 2012

    Wow u've got quite a trip ahead of u--maybe u'r Mom needs u more than u kniw and just being there will be what she needs. Like it was said first just enjoy u'r Mom, no sense in getting her more upset, then slowly work into what u need to do to help her. May another week or 2 will give her a different feeling, but taking meds is not fun for u'r body--everyone gets different SE, so u have to keep that in mind. It's great u'r going there. Being so far doesn't help any situation. And of course have a good talk with u'r Aunt and see exacty what's going on since she's there she'll kniw day to day things. Good luck

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