So angry!

sandik- I doubt if anything is truly wrong with you. You are dealing with a very new bc diagnosis. It's hard to see life going on all around  you when you feel like a bomb has dropped !!  For me, things settled down emotionally as I came to terms with all my treatments, surgeries, etc and knew what I was dealing with. And surprisingly, people were very nice, and understood why I was so "up and down" emotionally.  I'm thinking your anger isn't directed toward people, but rather to this crappy disease and how it affects our lives. Just be honest with people about how you are feeling when you need to. Best wishes to you....Joni

Sandi-You do photography? Cool! Yes it is frustrating when you can't do your normal work and activities, it is ok to be angry. I look back and think about this last year I spent in treatment, I get angry over how much time I lost to this disease. So much time lost sleeping, driving, waiting for doctors. Oh, and even though your business may be able to go on without you, I am sure it is not quite the same. But you can and should take pride in that you created a business with people you trust to keep things running through difficult times.

Thanks Essa!  I actually laughed out loud at both of those forums.  So, I tagged them to my favorites and will go back to them whenever I think people don't get it.  Who would have ever thought that I would "get" cancer jokes??  Thanks for the smiles and the reassurance I am not alone in this madness!

When it was officially confirmed that I had breast cancer (I say officially confirmed because I found the lump myself and in my gut knew what it was already), everyone that eventually found out about it, although all meant well, had different reactions to it and me.  In the beginning (which was not that long ago) there were times I felt like I was attending my own funeral.  For instance, my husband's sister-in-law kept hugging me and telling me how sorry she was and so as not to hurt her feelings I very politely and lovingly told her "Well let's not be too sorry yet, ok."  Others would tell me things like "Don't think the worst yet." or "Everything will be ok."  And of course, you're compared to every other woman they've known who has had breast cancer.  Even though we may be walking down the same path, everyone's journey is different.  My DIL's mother found out she had breast cancer when she was in her very early 40's.  She and I were very close.  She fought long and hard but lost her battle with it in October of 2007.  My DIL, who is now a 3rd year med student and who is going into the oncology field, came with me to one of my appt's and when we got home was advising me that I needed a double mastectomy and all kinds of other things that her mother had had done.  I'm like "Whoa, hold on here!!  I'm having a difficult enough time with having one breast removed and you want me to have them both removed?" and because of our insurance, I didn't know that I could afford to be as agressive with mine as her mother was with hers or if I even needed to be.  I knew what was behind all of that though.  She is still having regrets from not being there for her mom (she was in her late teens when her mom was first diagnosed and spent a great deal of time in denial, for which I don't blame her one bit); since her mother passed on, I'm the closest thing she has to a mother figure in her life and she doesn't want to lose me too (not that I ever could replace her mom or would ever try); and she couldn't save her mom, maybe she can save me.  But I have come to realize that everyone has played an important role in this and through this with me and I am thankful for each and every one of them.  Some have taught me patience.  There have been some that I could share certain things with that I couldn't share with others, like my deepest, darkest fears.  The ones who couldn't handle that were the ones who told me not to think the worst so I just stopped telling them. I have come to see each one as an important piece of this puzzle.  If a single piece is missing, this puzzle will not be completed.