Bonfire of the Goddesses

nice and toasty fire....without any violence!!!!!!!Unbelievable...

congrats to Dancetrance let the healing begin...

Now what happened to the bong?????

Yesterday my lill GreatGrandaughter turned a year old.I swear she is as big a a minute walkin and talkin...My St Patricks Day baby.

Ohhhhh....cabana boys in my pocket!  Awesome!   Yea...I am still pissed off too.  I was feeling so wonderful on my BHT estrogen and testosterone pellets.  My husband and I were enjoying the "new me".  A me with a sex drive.  I miss all of that so much.  Don't get me wrong.  I am forever grateful that my cancer was discovered early enough to still be stage 0 and that I got off of this roller coaster with "just" losing my breast and taking a pill everyday.  

Granny!!! Hurry up! Come on down! The party started!! We got Pongs and Bongs and cabana boys hoppin! And chocolate vodka too!

Well Jo I thought you did , but things change so fast. Hey a few more congratulations never hurt and can make you smile. HEY CONGRATULATIONS, ON THE CONGRATULATIONS.

 VR SUMMED IT UP-TO THE FIRE FOR SOME QUITE WARM FIRE WITH RELAXER OF CHOICE.

Whatever will be, will be. Good vibes and chocolate vodka (or drink of choice) to everyone!

TranceDancer - what a poowerful flush, congrats.

Chocolate vodka, now I may be tempted to drink.

Onto the fire, again, the bill from the same old clinic that did the wrong dx so ins will not pay for the ovarian cancer test to be read, been 6 months.  I would think that a woman with a suspicisous breast mass (that turned out to be cancer and node involvement) and  abdomen swelling, back pain and severe ttearing sensations would deserve to get an ovarian cancer test.  I deserved it and I want it paid for, I refuse to pay on the grounds of justice and my health care rights.  

ONTO THE BONFIRE OF THE GODDESSES

MY NEIGHBOR WITH THE

OUTDOOR WOOD BOILER (OWB) - I have to do this a lot.....

I KNOW he means well for asking but he is just too damn ignorant to get it.  

Long story short, his OWB smoke is 24/7/365 and full of pseudo-estrogen, gasoline for my ER+ PR+ cancer.  I deep-breathed it all last winter and spring and summer and autumn.  I gardened in it, ran the dog in it, swam in it, painted in it, worked on the veehicles in it, washed windows in it, slept in it on the sleeping  porch, thought it was his burned bacon at 4am every morning...... the smoke came in every crevice and vent of my brick home until now it is zipped up so tight we will die of carbon monoxide poisoning and mold first, but we can breathe until we can move.... I have not had an open window since we moved in that the smoke did not fill my home and it is deadly to me. After he has been forced to shut it down for summer, another horrible story, I have opened windows only to go out into the night to hunt down the smoke culprit and find he lied to us and IDEM and started it again, illegally, and it takes almost two weeks to get it shut off again, on low smoulder while we suffocate and die.

First did not know what it was, smells sweet and funny and sometimes like an old wet dead campfire.  Just thought it was stinky, not knowing it was deadly to me. 

How can I make this short?

I got sicker and sicker and sicker and finally found a mass.  Asked him to put out the OWB, tried to force him to to no avail.  He burns cause he can, legally and illegally and no one stops him. 

He just stopped me in driveway when daughter dropped me off.  "Diane, did those pills get rid of your cancer?" 

NOTE:::: LIKE IT IS THAT SIMPLE?!  (I told him about some treatments that he used and his dog who had spinal cancer now is fine and shows no signs even on x-rays, so he told me that this worked and I am grateful for this, but still, it is never that simple.)  

I said, "No, not yet."  And I went off on him, he was not expecting it, I know, but neither was I. 

"Bill, I am spending $400 a month on supplements and treatments." 

"You're kidding?" 

"Plus $90 a week for infusions for treatment and $75 for fuel to get there." 

"WHAT?!" 

"And we are foreclosing on our home and filed bankruptcy so we won't have to pay the lien deficiency when we were not even late on payments, but we have to move because of your wood boiler.  It never stops." 

Now he looks angry. 

"So Bill do not come over here asking how I am, if you won't turn that thing off.  It's 80 out here for two weeks and you still have it smoking away so do not pretend you care how I am or if I recover because I know I will not recover as long as I have to breathe that smoke." 

AND HE SAID, "You know why that is, don't you.  People who come from Gary always get cancer." 

"I DID NOT COME FROM GARY.  I came from an organic world in the country, where I am supposed to be now, small town, lovely places, organic living.  And you have poisoned me. Now please leave." 

And he turned and left.

Into the WOOD BOILER WITH HIM.

ONTO THE BONFIRE OF THE GODDESSES WITH THE OWB WITH HIM IN IT.

Like I said, he is too damn ignorant to be angry at, so I have to let it go a...g....a....i....n.

But Judas, do you know that first thing he asked me when he snuck up behind me in my garden last April?  He asked, "Is my wood boiler bothering you?" It took me about two months to figure out just what it was and how it was affecting us and how bad it was for everyone, especially the way he runs his old one.  Then in mid-July, sick as a dog and with no real memory left and could not work to earn money anymore, I found the mass and had cancer.

ONTO THE BONFIRE goes my anger.  And him.  And Hubby for not saying all these things to him.  And IDEM (Indiana Department of Environmental Management) officials for not helping more than they finally did for us breathe safe air, all so he can save on paying heat and water heat.  The lady who sold us this place and had leaf piles and a garbage pile smouldering to hide the OWB smoke, and who lied to me whaen I asked if all the smoke was hers when she KNEW I was sick from the smoke at the other place we left.  And that is that.

DD just called to see how I am, and I am not okay, I am so angry I could projectile vomit. 

I must see this as something positive.  

Like the pills he asked about.  I was talking to her and realized I got confused about the ones he gave his dog.  I am taking the one and need the other, ran out and have not reordered, too valuable to miss taking, but I forget stuff.  So dear neighbor just was useful to remind me to get the other ones I need.  He is so much my sstepdad's energy, I moved in next to 'my dad' (stepdad) and that was a ticking bomb.  So once again, thank you Universe for my Dad and the reminder. 

But still the OWB has to go in the fire.  

KingJr, there are a multitude of possibilities.

Would love to also, but in NY and still in treatments.....g-d dang I want so bad to take it down but a sledge hammer or an explosive would work better.  Better yet, would like to see this guy get a piece of his own medicine.  Wishfull thinking that the "carcinogen" may give him cancer down the road and then he'd wish he dismantled it when good neighbor Essa asked him too.  Never want to wish cancer on someone but this wishfull thinking is for a good cause.  Essa so sorry for your plight.

madpeacock, I am on your way to IN - in TN - just stop by and pick me up and we can do some serious damage to that OWB! GGRRRRRR!!!! (I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR!!!)

Wishing everyone else a nice gentle warm by the fire as we weclome spring (er, is that summer??? - I think we missed spring).

Congrats on finishing rads!  I'd like to throw in the awkwardness of walking around in a gown before and after rads in front of male patients, husbands, and a convict and his guards.  Back fat exposed, saggy boobs barely covered by the thin material.  Glad that is over with!

throwing in the endless tornado sirens tonight, but maybe a tornado will carry away the OWB, if it would only be selective and leave all the rest unharmed.....

thank you for your ill-wishes toward the OWB, you would be welcome guests, and believe me I have wanted to do much harm to the thing, but the man is also off-mentally in a way, he has been over here with his rifle to find out who was in our yard when he knew we were not home, he threatens people, beat his wife, he has an attack dog by the OWB and he has informed me there are several ways to break into my home, even though brick.  Yelling at him was not the smartest thing I have done all year.  Today I had out the binoculars trying to see smoke or heat from the stack, couldn't.  Thought maybe he put it out after yesterday's altercation.  But NO, tonight there it went, in 80 degree weather.

I am glad you are both done with the rads. 

into the bonfire, the black bra that doesn't even pretend to still fit on the right boob, one great big hollow side.

into the bonfire all the empty bottles of stuff I have been taking for nine months, I never throw anything out it seems.

YAY king!!! I had Mammosite, which has its own fun set of complications, but I can't even begin to know what external rads are like for SIX WEEKS! I do know what it feels like to be DONE, though, so celebrate! 

dancetrancer - hope the fire gives your hubby some calming thoughts. I know mine is one to keep things in. When I was first diagnosed, he jumped right in and kept busy with finding the best doctors, made phone calls and set up appointments, communicated with friends/family, etc. His family are "hoverers" when someone is sick/hurt/had surgery. They're constantly fussing with things, trying to do every little thing for you, and just being there. They don't want you to read, do needlework, watch TV, or anything. Just lie there and be sick. That makes me crazy. My family is the complete opposite - "call if you need me". My MIL lives with us and was constantly saying "Don't you lift that/do that/get up/get down on the floor/breathe/blah/blah/blah." If I had to sit still with just my thoughts to keep me company I would have walked out and found the nearest bus to jump in front of. Sheesh.  

Marilyn - you made me remember something. My rads center has separate waiting rooms for men and women, but you would occasionally pass in the hallway going towards the treatment area. Men were there for prostate rads and they were walking around in their gowns with skinny butts hanging out and dress socks & shoes. Had to giggle. Then there was the older lady with stage IV BC. Completely bald, in a wheelchair, on oxygen - but just talktalktalktalktalk. You knew everything about her in five minutes. Your end was limited to "Really?" "Wow!" "Um-hmn"... 

Sas, I'm glad you got the approval. OK, I'll use the excuse of chemobrain because I forgot what sx you need.

And into the fire with chemobrain! Yeah, it's better but that's just by comparison to what it was.

Leah