Positive Girls Club

Hi all, as much as it pains me to admit this....I think exercise has really helped me. I am a former slug . Started exercising last June and changing my eating habits. While the weight drops slowly I have gone from a 16 to a 10/12. Sigh...the burden of shopping for new clothes:). Bought my first pair of cowboy boots.

Please, may I join, as well?  If one more person sidles up to me sideways and whispers in mournful tones, "... how are you FEELING...", I swear I'm going to slap them upside-the-head! 

The week I had surgery, I ran 25 miles and cycled nearly 20.  People kept telling me to "... slow down and take it easy..."  Two days after surgery (wedge resection aka partial mastectomy aka lumpectomy), I ditched the bulky bandage, tucked a gauze pad in my bra and went out on my bike.  My sister was appalled.

I've had my "pity parties", believe me.  There are times when I've wailed, "... why me?..."  Then, when I think about it, who the hell would I want this to happen to?  And, sure, there are times when I'm scared that I might have to go through this again.

But a funny thing happened a few months ago.  I decided that I can't live in fear.  I can't continue to obsess about recurrence rates, test numbers, BRCA tests, potential- and dangerous side effects to treatment and gawd-knows-what-else.  I can't be afraid to eat this because I might get cancer or drink that because it might cause cancer to recur.  I can't keep picking away at this cancer thing, making it bleed every day and never letting it heal.

Sure.  Despite being early stage with a good prognosis, I could still die.  It happens.  It's happened to better women than me.  But I could, also, LIVE.  And I can't bear the thought of living the rest of my life - however short or long - fearing death when I could be LIVING.

So.  I've opted to be positive.  Some would say, I'm hiding my head in the sand or in denial, but I figure that I've just been handed a second chance and I'm not going to waste it brooding. 

Exactly!  Although... as much as I don't want breast cancer to define my life, I imagine that it's going to shape a part of it.  I just don't want that part to be the part that everyone sees or the part that I project most.  I am more than just "left-side lumpectomy" and  I have an utter horror of being unable to get past this and MOVE FORWARD, so I keep hitting the ground running.

Literally.  I did ten miles today.  I feel GREAT !!!  #fistpump