Did you tell your teenage children?

Nissanz1,

I don't know your wife, nor am I qualified to make any professional comments so this is a purely personal observation. I would agree that this is something your wife has not come to terms with at all. Her reactions to your attempt at bringing it up and tossing the letter were very over the top. What a terrible dilemma this must be for you but your daughter must know so she can seek genetic counseling and make some decisions about her health. You seem patient and compassionate and I sincerely hope that this doesn't destroy your marriage but you can't withhold critical health information from your daughter. I hope your wife can understand this one day and find peace within herself.

Caryn

PS: I am in the process of BRACA testing and the family health history was extensive and detailed.

I don't know your wife but I understand the pain that a cancer diagnosis causes. It is life changjng in so many ways.



I am only 17 months from diagnosis, had only minor surgery and have made a good recovery. I have had counselling throughout and my life is getting back to normal. But I doubt I will ever 'accept' what happened to me and the year of life I lost during treatment. I try to forget as it's painful to think about, even though my life is otherwise good.



So I'm sure you understand that your wife's pain is real and counselling can only help so much when one has had cancer twice and lost a breast. So please be, and I'm sure you are, understanding of your wife's feelings and behavior, irrespective of what you decide about telling your daughter.

I have not. 

We have two children, a 17-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl. Consulting a genetic counselor, we decided to hold off until their early 20s. That said, my daughter declared with certainty that given her family history she "has a 50/50 chance of getting breast cancer." I helped clarify that even if she inherited my genes (without detailing BRCA2 issues), she still only had an elevated risk and that there are things she can and should do to lessen those risks. My son seems aware and quite concerned, but I don't want to push the issue quite yet. He's a budding scientist - about to major in physics in college - and knows that there has to be a genetic factor involved in a family with a history of many cancers (including at least two cases of male breast cancer). 

We'll forego testing until they are 21 or so, though. 

Re: breast cancer in men - I just wanted to add to this discussion re: testing for the BRCA gene. It is my understanding that any family with a history of male breast cancer in the family will be offered BRCA testing. Male breast cancer is much more common inBRCA2 families than it is in the general population.

When I was first diagnosed I asked about genetic testing, I gathered all of the information I could from my mother and fathers families. My older sister did most of the leg work. We were amazed to see how much ca had touched our family. My mom and her mom had breast cancer, both died of old age related things. my mat aunts had colon ca, and kidney ca respectively. My pat aunt had pancreatic ca and two of her sons also had pancreatic ca. My other pat aunt's son died of leukemia age 20. Oh my husband's mom had brain ca and his father and one brother prostate ca and still another brother had colon ca. Was I worried that I had two daughters and nieces (and nephews) as well as siblings (5) who were part of this toxic soup? You bet. I went to the genetics clinic at our Public Health Unit with this information and was given an appointment after the genetics counsellor was able to ponder the information.

Bottom line, there was no pattern, the diverse cancers did not fit a genetic component and therefore no testing was warranted. I let my siblings know all of this and gave each of them a copy of my family cancer tree in case it ever becomes an issue for any of them and theirs. Or if there are any new developments in genetic testing. It would be a shame to have all of this information just disappear as the older generations die off. They didn't record a lot and some of the history was oh yeah, Did I tell you about Aunt Lou?

I think that it is very important to tell our children, it is their legacy. (some legacy) it is then up to them to decide what to do with it. Kay