Relationship faltering

It's hard Janice very hard....I've experienced the same thing only I'm only out 6 months and time for my next check up. My husband doesn't understand my effects of the ameridex I take. I'm moody, cry, mean, depressed you name it I have it..Was on femara thought I'd lose my mind.. My doctor doesn't want to put me on tamoxfen and I researched and it doesn't stop all the estrogen in my body and now I understand, I'm 98% postive that the estrogen fuels my cancer, I'm torn don't know what to do If I don't take meds and am back to my old self I'm risking my life...With this medicne I feel better alone or with people that smile and takes my mind off all my problems...Praying we'll figure this out...

Xena1969 - My heart goes out to you.  I wish there was something I could say that would definitively help but here is the only wisdom I have.

There is an age difference between you and your husband that might not be an issue when you're both in your fifties but does become more significant as he moves into a different stage in his life than you are.  Without excusing bad behavior, I'm guessing that there's probably several things going on for him:  he's looking at his own mortality; he truly doesn't "get" the whole long-term effects of having bc (mentally and emotionally) so doesn't understand why you haven't "snapped out of it" 4 years later; he is seeing the lack of intimacy as something that tells him that he is getting old.  I'm sure there's more...but the bottom line is that this is about HIM and he's trying to push it off to being about you. 

There is no excuse for him being mean.  If you are comfortable with your level of daily functioning and uncomfortable with anti-depressants (and it sounds like you ARE functioning), then I think you have a couple of choices to face.  If he will do couple's counseling with you, that would be the best.  If not, I strongly suggest you find someone you can talk to who will help you figure out where you want your life to be for the next 25 or so years.  My experience is that behavior like this doesn't get better on its own so you probably have some decisions to make.

Sending you love and hugs on this difficult journey...

I am 7 years out and have gone through the ups and downs of life post diagnsosis. I finally divorced my unsupportive husband. But the real issue is how you face the various trials that life and the cancer will throw your way. One year post treatment, I was in a deep depression and my dr prescribed Zoloft, it saved me and I took it for a few months. But I do understand your feelings about antdepressants, I felt the same way. However, I trusted my dr and her approach. When a year later I faced a terrible divorce, we sat down and had a long chat. She was clear with me that too many people go on and off antidepressants and it was time to put some tools in place to face life's adversities. Her prescription the second time round (I did not want to take zoloft again), was to recommend a) exercise, b) dr. Galland anti inflammatory diet c) accupuncture, and d) counselling to learn meditation techniques (guided). The formula worked. Can I meditate, not really, but the sesiions helped. Did the accuounture work 100%, no but it relieved so many additional symptoms, (hotflashes, appetite and stress) I was amazed. A real skeptic and couch potato, I did not believe it would help, but it all did. My dr took a holistic approach. I need to regroup again, but realize there will be ups and downs. Like muhammed Ali said 'ain't no disgrace in being knocked down" it is the courage and resilience to keep getting back up. Find the right combination that works for you!