How to deal with mom's recurrence

Lisa-I know how scared you are right now, but try to think positive.  My mother was diagnosed with bc when I was just 18 years old, then again 6 years ago.  I was diagnosed last March.  We are both still here and doing great. I understand how frightening it is when Mom is diagnosed with a life threatening desease.  I love my mother so much and could not imagine life without her. Now I am dealing with my 3 girls, all in their 20's, who are just as frightened. When I was first diagnosed, they were scared to death.  I try to keep reassuring them, I am not going anywhere.  I am going to be here for a long time, putting my nose in their business.  Hang in there, and come here whenever you need to talk.  I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a great big hug.

Hi, Lisa ~ First, let me give you a very caring virtual (((HUG))).  I can only imagine how difficult and scary your Mom's recurrence must be for both of you.  But it does sound like it's been caught early, and hopefully she will have an excellent prognosis.

And don't let any doctors make either of you feel bad or guilty about a past choice.  I'm sure her decision not to do RT was well thought out, and, although it goes against conventional recommendations, was what she wanted at the time.  For whatever reason, it's come back.  But it might have also come back with RT, too.  We just don't know.  And looking back isn't going to help now, except to add guilt to her worries.

What I would strongly suggest... if she hasn't already... is to get a 2nd opinion on her course of tx this time around.  Her situation sounds a bit unusual (e.g. recurrence, and possibly a change in hormonal status), and it would be wise to be dealing with docs who have seen the most of this type of recurrence in the past, just so that they have real firsthand experience dealing with it.  If your Mom isn't already at a major comprehensive cancer center, here's a list of some of the top ones:

http://cancercenters.cancer.gov/cancer_centers/map-cancer-centers2.html

I absolutely think a second opinion would reassure both of you that she's getting the best possible recommendations going forward --  just to be sure surgery first, for example, is the best option now.    Deanna 

PS ~ I wanted to add that having bc in the lymph nodes can also be looked at as the lymph nodes having done their job and stopped the bc from going any further.  Obviously, no lymph node involvement is better, but positive nodes may not be as negative a finding, if it happens, as you are fearing.