CANCER MAKES YOU CRAZY

BIG HUGS from me to you, Green Monkey.  I understand how this ca diagnosis makes you ccrazy....Before this diagnosis at 57, two months ago, I thought I was pretty, (had/have great boobs for a 57 year old until I was told by the first PS I had seen that I had "droopy" breasts), had a great supportive hubby, was a strong person, was athletic, a little overweight but good enough, was healthy (unlike my sister and mom who had br ca...that was THEM, I, yes, I was the strong, healthy one...geesh), etc., etc. 

 Last night I yelled at my husband over and over again becausse all he does is work, come home from work and work again, play his piano, then go to bed.  He's done ZERO research about this whole thing...he doesn't even look at me anymore...I feel like the walking dead.  Thank heavens for my girlfriends- 2 of whom just called me this morning and make me feel alive again..LOVE them....

Yes, cancer does make you crazy....

BTW, I am set up for my MX one week from today....I take Xanax daily and I STILL am going crazy...maybe I have placebos (lol) because I am normally a sane, competent, woman...

Do you know that when I saw my br surgeon 2 days ago, I wouldn't take my clothes off for the office visit? I told her that when I take my clothes off, I can't think, so I'm not doing it anymore unless she needs to look at my breast right then and there....

Well, Green Monkey, hang in there and know that your "sisters" here care for you...just keep writing and we"ll write back with hugs....and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE...we are here ....

GM - LOL, I love the good, bad turned good husband!  Even better is that he's making your lunch! 

As for wigs, you guys are better than me!  I can barely stand to wear a hat even when it's cold outside.  I just go bald indoors unless I'm afraid of scaring someone I like.  I'm the "cancer lady" that a lot of people don't want to be.  It works for me because I'm more comfortable PLUS it works in perfectly with my Oppositional Behavior tendencies!

Phyllis

GM, LOL, of course you may! I was verry happy, myself, when I found it. It explains so much!

Hi dodged, I'm using the cooling cap to save my hair and will carry on. Down side had to have my long hair cut in short bob as it died badly. Have been told on here not to wear a wig because you have to keep your head cool. So spent £200 on the wig what do I do. I will have to wear it when I need to and maybe stick a hat on but the onlyone i have that looks ok is wool. My hair has thinned very badly on top and I ashamed how it looks.

Forgot to say what breed of dog have you got? My youngest daughter is mad for a dog. We have a cat and I would like a smallish dog and hubby says he doesn't want one. He did change his mind when he found out about me. She is also mad about horses so I have decided to let her loan a horse. Any tips on having a dog.

GREEN, love them Hollywood glasses on your doggie.

ALI, I could write a book of tips on "having a dog," but let me just give you the link to the website for the "Dog Whisperer" on NatGeo TV for now:  www.cesarsway.com   Our last dogs were Husky and Chow mixes, with a German Shepherd Dog in between, and this one is a sight-hound mixed with Aussie Shepherd, reminded us of the Husky.  For a smaller dog, Green has a good one, she can talk to you about their fur.  Find a book on breeds of dogs, see what their temperments and requirements are, plus which ones you're drawn to and why.  You can adopt a similar one from your local shelter or the exact breed from a local breeder.  Try to get a dog that is already "house broken," house trained, potty trained, any of those terms.  The dog must have a soft bed inside, a Nylabone and toys, many walks outside or fenced yard, play time, sleep time, breakfast and dinner, treats, reward-based training and no harsh treatment, for their souls are noble yet sensitive. 

Also, ALI, Tina Turner in her part in Mad Max III (Beyond the Thunderdome), had to shave the front of her head so her "Road Warrior" futuristic headgear would look right, and she was totally into it.  GG

Oh, GREEN, that was some kinda funny description about your husband and the giant dog.  Yup, that ought to keep him busy for a while!  Ha!  And glad SK will be the place you go, you were wise to visit them.  I also prefer Valium to Ativan, no question about that.  I had some sort of deep massage that had an Asian name to it and it was downright spiritual.  The docs at SK will know what pain pills to give you, and halfway thru chemo when I was ready to quit the program, doc gave me oxycodone, worked fine for me, but no refills on scripts.  The funny thing about surgery for me was, the incision wasn't too big a deal, but THE DRAINS really ruined my attitude, and many women here said same as me, that I was a new woman once they pulled those out a week later.  I'll give you a free tip:  A nurse will say to you several times thru the day, "Do you need more pain control?"  Your answer every single time should ALWAYS be, "Oh, yes, please, thank you."  GG

OHHHHHHH, GREEN, the Rolfing is what sent me to the stars!  I remembered the name.  Basically it's deep massage where they tear your muscles apart and throw them out the window.  Hahaha.  I'm SO glad you had your Reiki.  I'm all for massage.  Looks like you put together a whole congregation whilst at it, too!  And yes, dear one, once they pull the drains, you will be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound cuz... BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK, come on show 'em what you're worth, give it to them oh, oh, oh!!!

Well, Green Monkey, I have to say that it's horrible timing but it's sounds like your husband is an absolute jerk and you would not want him around during this very scary time. During my six months of weekly chemo, I realized that even if I was still with my ex-husband (or ex-fiance), I'd still be going to chemo with my parents because neither of them would be supportive or caring. Right now you need to be surrounded by those who love and care about you, not those who cause you additional stress. I hope that you have the support you need. You are not alone.

FLAUTA LEE, you know, I have some thoughts, not based on much experience, altho I was divorced from first husband many years ago.  But it just seems to me that since your husband basically lives out of town, and now you are stricken yet again with cancer and all the treatments and fear, and nobody was there to hold your hand the first time and no one is there to hold it a second time, and with his attitude being in general quite negative, that while I know you want to keep the peace, YOU NEED A KITTY OR DOGGIE.  I've had both, we've stuck with dogs, they were always our favorites, we cannot live without a dog. 

Sooooo, I think you and husband should sit down after a nice dinner that you make for him, tell him you want to talk, sit beside him (they do better when they don't have to look straight at us, I read that somewhere), and start in about how you are feeling vulnerable with this new cancer and must know if he loves you, and thus ask him how come he was generaly disrespectful to you on a couple specific occasions.  Then bring up the cat/dog situation again, first explain how you were so alone when you went thru cancer the first time, that you do not believe you can bear to go it alone again, and this is why you want a cat/dog.  And if he doesn't know, you tell him how you borrowed a cat last year, just for the company, even.

See, my husband is as faithful and loyal as the day is long, but about five years ago when we had to downsize, I lost my nerve because I loved that house, and so once we got settled into this house, I had to sit down with him and ask him some questions about some old history and if some bad events meant he didn't care for me.  And that man came clean with me, he said the items I mentioned had nothing to do with me, rather some other stuff, and then he was able to tell me more often after that how much he cared and so forth.  We are much closer now, and even closer still with the cancer stuff.  And of course I was able to talk with him pretty freely about a lot of things then, with some exceptions because the whole thing made him tearful, too, so i didn't want to make him sad.

Now, could be he does not want a dog for a specific reason, maybe one bit him ages ago and he simply cannot get it straight in his head.  Or if cats are out of the question on top of everything else, perhaps you could ask him which would he choose.  And if he has to overcome some dislike issue, next time he's in town, you all can plan to go together to get this dog, and fix him a bed to sleep in, in the house, and a couple toys, food dishes and food and treats, and that way he can ease on into the thing with you and see that there is nothing wrong with a pup.  You see, for him to just outright say "NO," he obviously does not know your side of the story, so I think it's a good idea to try to draw him out on the issues, help him see your point of view, and thus hopefully he will be much more sympathetic and give way on this thing with the dog, and could also be his respect problem has more to do with his regret with not being able to be with you very often, or maybe some junk at work, who knows?  But you need to know, so you will not feel abandoned and not listened to.

As you well know, BC is a nightmare enough as it is without all this other bothering you, and I really cannot imagine why he won't let you have a little pet, for gosh sakes!  There are BC girls in my other forums, waaaay back when I started chemo even, and one of them got her a dog just when all this started, and that dog slept with her and stayed right with her the whole time she was miserable with chemo side effects.  And in our home, I too could not have made it without our dogs, warms the heart so much, and believe it or not, both died during my year of the cancer routine, and we had to wait a couple months to get another, and we were both bereft and out there, we were desperate for a new dog, and at long last, we got one, and I felt SO much better almost instantly!  Let us know how things go, dear one.  GG   P.S.  I played flute thru college, bought a crystal flute many years later and blow on it now and then.  Smile.

Yah, GREEN, thanks, and when YOUR husband gets lost, he really gets lost, winds up in Mongolia or something, for heaven's sake!  He is sort of funny, tho, the way he just goes off.  Those guys ought to watch some of the movies like the one with Michael Douglas, where his affair girlfriend came to his HOME to cut everybody up.  Ann Margaret was in another one ages back, that one works too.  As for where you husband ought to go, I used to tell people that when I got stressed out or did stupid things, I'd go out in the backyard where I had a mule tied up and let him kick me in the head, and I'd be fine.  I wonder if you can get one for your husband on Ebay?  Hahaha.  GG

FLAUTalee, sorry I missed your post for a week, but I am 61, I had chemo, surgery, rads, in that order, and it took six weeks for the FIRST wave of exhaustion to end after rads.  And now, five months down the road, I still sleep, sleep, sleep, and except in the mornings, I cannot do much.  Some say this radiation tiredness can last for six months or more.  So, I guess you could say I'm in my SECOND wave of sleeping.  The way I see it, you're just a couple weeks after when I was finally able to take some baby steps, so I should think before long, practice getting up and moving around will finally click for you.  I hope you are breaking your 5 hours into two parts.  Perhaps 3 hours sometime afer you wake up, and then polish it off with 2 hours later in evening.  Listen, people trying to finish their thesis, some can take YEARS of fooling around with it, so it's nothing new.  But if you simply know at some point there's no turning back, and you cannot finish it, then you will have to explain again to the profs what happens to people when they get radiated at your age.  Let us know.  GG   

AND HI THERE GREEN!  Hope ye are surviving well enough!  GG