Lower Stage Posting on Stage IV Forum

Beesie - You are a wise woman and I agree with everything you've said.  Thank you so much for putting into words what I no longer feel safe expressing.  I'm sorry you had such an awful experience in your life that you're now able to relate to what I'm saying.  I wish no one had to experience such trauma in their lives. 

Otter - I'm so sorry to hear about your parents.  I agree, sometimes it isn't until we experience a situation until we truly "get it".  Today, my dd told me that her school will be having a "geriatrics" day for fun and it just seems insensitive.  Maybe, it's due to my memory loss issues, or aging before my time, or seeing my parents having age related issues, but I can't imagine how it's okay to make fun of a group of people. 

Sandy - I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through.  It must be very difficult & frustrating.  It really can be hard to always be tolerant these days.  I'm better at it somedays vs others. Pain really makes me cranky and I'd been dealing with a painful tooth (chemo, the gift which keeps on giving) until I could finally have a root canal yesterday.  Cancer has taught me that we never know another's suffering, but we can give them the benefit of the doubt, especially if they have terminal cancer.  I also hope these long standing issues are resolved.  I had no idea there had been issues for so long.  

Granuaile - I'm so glad that you may not have mets and I insist that you never join our club.  lol   I hope you stay officially "lower stage".  Thanks for your support. 

I'm really sorry I ever started the post about "being called braved" because I used to think of the Stage 4 forum as my "home" and now I feel as if that home has been invaded.  I never use the Active Topics button because I rarely post anywhere but on the Stage 4 forum, so it never really occurred to me that I would be sharing my feelings, and therefore, a piece of myself with the entire board who would then feel justified in telling me what they thought of my feelings and even me.  I plan to go back to just posting about treatment issues and offering support to fellow metsters.  It does make me sad that there's literally no place in my life I feel I can share what it's really like to be me right now (except occasionally to my bff), but I imagine that many of us Stage 4/metsters deal with this.   Best wishes to all of us and thanks to those who were kind enough to have my back whether you agreed with my post or not.  I appreciate it!

 ((((((cynthia))))))))

Chevyboy, I can only speak for myself. I think I am just looking for a safe place where, if I post something that is a rant or emotional dump, those who are walking in my shoes will soothe me and not judge. I don't want stage IV forums locked but I do think that by making clear that one needs to post here with great sensitivity, we can to some extent, achieve that. It will never be perfect and I don't want to exclude lower stages. I was for a brief period of time, stage II and that was frightening enough .Stage IV changes everything in ways I could never imagine.

Caryn

Chevy and Maya - Yes, this is a public forum and everyone can read everything, but that doesn't mean they have to comment when they don't agree with something a poster has said.  I just want the opportunity to communicate with my fellow metsters without being flamed for my feelings.  I have never told a fellow poster anywhere on this board that they didn't have a right to their feelings because I didn't agree with them.  I don't check out other threads to tell posters that I don't agree with their feelings, concerns, worries, fears, whatever.  I also never suggested that non-metsters shouldn't comment on the Stage 4 forum.  There is no reason why you can't continue to support your friends who are Stage 4 and no one has ever suggested otherwise.   

Chevy - So, expressing my needs is "getting up in arms".  Then, you tell that you sympathize with me, but then go on to say you don't even remember what my concern is and that I'm just dragging this on and on and will never be satisfied with the moderators results. We must define sympathy differently. This is exactly what I'm talking about.  You feel perfectly justified in telling me how I should feel about this situation even though you have no idea what it's like to be in my shoes.  What I am asking for is one place on this entire forum where we metsters can comment about the good and bad of our lives without being criticized by those who aren't also dying. A little consideration before someone posts would go a long way.  That is all I am asking.  I don't want the forum closed, I don't want to keep other stages out, I just want to be given some leeway by those who have no idea what it's like to be in my life.

I know I probably shouldn't do this but maybe I will be the thread killer and this will end. 

Anyway ... here it is. 

About a month after I started posting on these forums someone started a thread on the Stage III forum regarding how concerned she was that there were so many people posting on the Stage III forum from lower stages.  She wanted her "sheltered place" back where she didn't have to see in every post how unlucky she had been.  The original poster requested that the lower stages continue to post in "their" forums and leave the Stage III forum for those of us who were really Stage III.

There were a number of posts that were completely in support of that position.  There were also many that referenced lower stages posting on the Stage IV forum and how inappropriate it was to do that too. 

That was my first experience with what I have come to call the "Stage Wars" that seem to exist, for some, in these forums.  Honestly, I was shocked.  I posted this ... 

After reading some of the posts on this thread I think it would probably be best if I just don't post anymore.  I have posted on the Stage IV forum a few times and now I'm worried I might have offended some by doing so.  If I did, I'm truly sorry!

Don't we all have enough to worry about without having to worry if we are posting on the "wrong forum'? I know I sure do.  I really try to be careful about what I write but now I think I will be worried even more with every post I make.  This really does make me sad because just the other day my husband had said he was so glad I found this place.

Maybe I'll just stick to my favorite thread so far "Is anyone else an atheist ... " It's in the Just Diagnosed forum which doesn't really apply for me.  Everyone is very accepting & the thread makes me very happy.

Now, over a year later this thread is started to admonish those who post in a stage forum to which they don't belong.  Again, I'm shocked!  If a thread was started to simply remind people to be kind and respectful of each other, regardless of stage, I could understand. However, the premise of "stage segregation" still confuses me and honestly makes me sad.

Concerning the thread started by Cynthia1962 on the Stage IV forum titled "If one more non-Stage 4 says how brave we are, I will lose it!" ...

I agree with some of what Bessie posted.  I'm sure many of us have faced difficult things in life.  I know I have.  We've also probably been told by others how "strong" we are or how "brave we are".  As Bessie said, perhaps some of us were thinking ...

"I wasn't strong; if I was anything, I was a good actor, making it seem like I was fine and everything was normal.  The reality was that I was in a situation that I wanted no part of, and I would have sold my soul to change what happened.  But it had happened and I had no choice but to deal with it and continue to live my life."

Often, one is just trying to put one foot in front of the other and it's taking every bit of strength to just keep moving . It's understandable that bravery really doesn't fit how we might describe that movement.

It doesn't offend me that someone is bothered or "going to lose it" if someone calls them brave.  However, I don't understand the need to qualify it by saying if one more non-stage IV says it.  Would it be okay if someone that is stage IV calls you brave?  I would think not.  I want you to know, for what it's worth, that I don't think you should stop posting about things that bother you.  I don't think you should only post about your treatments. 

Coolbreeze ... I understand you wanting to defend Cythina's thread but perhaps you might want to go back and read your posts in a thread started on the Stage III forum ...

Why am I only ok talking to Stage III ladies? Feeling like a jerk.  

One very clear point you made which I'm assuming you didn't feel only applied to a certain stage was this ...  

Did Josie need to explain every little detail when starting a thread?  Well yes, because the written word is all we have to go on here.  I know not everybody is a professional writer but people should take care to say exactly what they mean in their thread starter and subject line.

Regardless of what we may disagree about, one thing I bet we can ALL agree on ... cancer sucks!  Unfortunately, that's one boat we all share. 

Or, join the lymphedema thread because I'm possibly one needle stick or blood pressure reading away from having lymphedema.

Actually as a frequent poster on that thread, I welcome anyone who wants to know about precautions...because we are all at risk.

Also I have no problems with anyone who is wondering if they have LE or how not to get LE, or even what their relative risk is.

The sad thing is that some of us are one bug bite, or needle stick, or lift away from LE...

I am not comparing it to having mets, but honestly what we want is to be understood, and not be isolated.

If anyone wants to call me brave for going out in public in wraps or a sleeve, I got no problem with it. 

By the way I just think some of this is the nature combined with the stress of cancer.