February 2012 MX

Nel and Mary625,

I pray that you guys can come to terms with your body....I know it is difficult.  The other day I spoke up to a room full of people saying, "I just realized that the only thing I have left that makes me a woman is a vagina!"  Its interesting how the loss of these items affects different people in different ways.  The first time I looked at my new foobs I laughed.  I look ridiculous!  My chest is spread out and most of my new foobs are under my arms!  But the swelling will go down and the breasts will drop a bit.

I hope that things get better for you ladies.  Your body does not define you.  You are the same person you were before....in some ways better....stronger for what you have been through.  I wish you the best.  Namaste'.

Hi Ladies,

Boy, I'm having more trouble with constipation and crippling nausea than the actual surgery.  I begged my husband to shoot me at 3am this morning.  I began to feel like an old wounded horse that had outlived its days.  Thankfully, after suppositories and enemas, I am coming back! 

But, Nel and Mary- the emotional stuff....we've been to hell and  back.  It's so natural that the emotional "breakdowns" will occur....and I figure, that compared to a lot of women on this board, I had it easy!  Yet, I had a friend call me last night complaining about how rough her life has been lately because she had to do FAFSA's (college applications) and taxes and how hard she's been working....and I thought, "you're kidding me...right?"  When I couldn't stand to listen another 20 minutes about how tough life was for her, I said "I'll just be happy when I can go an entire day without vomiting."  That shut her up...teehee....  but really, this has not been easy, so, again, emotional jags...that's the norm.

Anyway, gentle hugs, my sisters...here's hoping each day gets better and better for all of us,

Debbie

It's an emotional roller coaster and we are all on it together.  Thank God we have each other!!  I swear sometimes I think I'm losing my mind, then I log on here and ALWaYS feel much better.  I've laughed, cried and been angry with and for all of you.  It's a process and we are all going to make it through.  I'm so grateful and blessed that my BMX was a curative procedure...I don't have a next step (other than reconstruction) and I'm still on the emotional roller coaster.  Just last night I felt like none of my friends "get it".....some of my very best friends I haven't heard from in weeks!!  I mean I've had major surgery and their lives have gone on without me?  I woke up this morning with a whole new prespective and realized that I am just so tired of it all.  I wish I could move on.  All of you with chemo and radiation in your future....I'll be praying for you every single day AND I'll be here on this board every single day cheering you on.  I'm still IN this :-)

I had my MX 1 week ago. I almost can't type because of the nerve pain running down my arm. I think it is from the drains (which are scheduled to come out on Friday). They are excrutiating. I'm sick of being bound up. I had a one step implant on the right side, and a "lift" for the left breast. Now I am only an "A" cup, so that is why they could do it without TE. Has anyone had their drains removed yet, and how bad is it? It's really the only thing bothering me. The "foob" doesn't hurt, and the lift doesn't hurt. Just these damn drains!!

Hugs to everyone! I tried to read some of the posts, but I have a hard time understanding all the abbrievations!  

LTR227, I had my drain removed on Mon. The nurse had me take a couple of deep breaths, then I tensed and she said All done! It wasn't bad at all.

Pelicangirl, They told me to call when my drain was less that 30cc. I'd give them a call.

I had a hard time at the store yesterday. I looked at clothes while my husband shopped for food. I have no idea what is going to work later. If I did, I could start sewing and that would give me somethng to do. I had UMX without recon and can't wear a bra for 5 weeks. And until I can wear the bra, who knows what's going to work. Right now my wardrobe is mostly T-shirts. 

Alicethecat,

What the heck???? I am so bummed out about your DX.  I thought you had your MX, no drains at all, up and around super quick, I think you had what I called the "bionic" recovery.  I thought you had no chemo, rads, HT- nada on your horizon. 

So much for my keeping track!  I'll have to go back to some of the early page numbers on this thread. Maybe I confused two of my sisters? I apologize in advance.   

I am so sad and crushed to hear you are facing such an onslaught!  If in the unlikely event that I didn't mess up, then your final pathology report was the mother of all surprises?  I thought your last post was like the happiest ending possible in an MX story. If I only could find those ruby slippers and click three times I give you the DX I had thought you had.  I hope my error didn't make it more difficult for you.  I think I deserve one of those "That sucks, Deobrah2012, but rlisten to my crap more carefully especially while you are on any meds!".  You were very gracious.

We Feb. sisters will look for one another on the treatment threads based on what our oncs throw at us.

Anyone out there who has had their final, final path report post MX/BMX and met with her onc and was told there is nothing going forward to do? 

I think if one was a DCIS with a BMX then you're done.  

Anyone else have their onc say they don't want you to do anything at all going forward?

Anyone else going for a second opinion (if you can handle all the paperwork etc.) besides me  prior to beginning prevention treatment?

 Susanes welcome back!  It's great to hear from you so soon! So, do you have a recliner?  It seems to be the favorite item for the BMX crowd. We care about what happens to you.  So even though some of us are past where you are, we do want to hear about drains, moods, and recovery. 

Hope wildrumara (BMX), Bern25, and dreniger (BMX) are resting comfortably after their big day, today.

Thanks. 

I just corrected this post as I had erred in Alicethecat's status. Time for me to have a glass of the forbidden red wine! Sheesh!

Deborah2012

Carolyn,



I also was diagnosed with DCIS and after bmx learned that I don't need any further treatment either. I am so thankful, but also feel guilty. I wish I could do something to make things easier for those that did not the results they wanted.



No matter what others say, my doctors assure me that DCIS is cancer. You have been through a lot and if others don't understand, that is their problem. Spend time with people that make you feel good, you deserve happiness and support!

I forgot to mention this.  Last week, an RN from my UHC insurance called to check in with me.  Said they do that for all when they see some one has been discharged from a hospital or had surgery.  She asked lots of questions about the discharge instructions, well-being, other health issues, all Rx, etc.  She plans on calling again this week to follow-up, especially since the drains were still in then.

Now if we can get them to realize that the second opinion I had was from an IN-network clinic.  While the claims were not "denied" nothing was paid on them either.  Our benefits person at work has contacted them that she wants a line-by-line conversation about this.  She has a copy of the claims and bills from me.  Also, I asked about UHC having a cancer resource and she gave me the phone number.  Naturally, I did express my displeasure that no one had deigned to tell me about it when I'd called to confirm my coverage specific to breast cancer after dx.

No nurse visits would have been needed - have an RN neighbor and an LPN son. 

Dixiemine - did you check your insurance,you are supposed to have a home health care nurse on our insurance or call the patient nurse coordinator at the hospital,they had mine arranged for me but it really wasnt necessary after the first week. I can take my own temp and blood prz for crying out loud! And I would think I would know if it was infected!! She was good company tho,it got lonely with all my friends back at work and fiance was here but left so early and got home late so me & the dog and the dog doesnt hold much of a conversation..lol..

To my DCIS sisters,

Please don't feel guilty for even one minute.  People who genuinely care about others are delighted when they hear good news about them.  BC is not a competition for victim status.  We all are just trying to learn from each other. I lost my right breast in its entirety specifically because of DCIS.  This wasn't a "choice" I made to be extra safe.  It's the standard of care because I had IDC & DCIS.   I'll be happy to make up any shortage of happiness for the DCIS ladies tyou may be feeling due to "guilt" because I am elated when I read your posts!    

Gee whiz susanes, 6 drains! I hope you have some moisture left in your body. 

beth1965 your DX sucks.  It's a lousy, no good DX.  In fact, it's a perfectly irritating DX. I would be paralyzed thinking they are testing me for mets. How was your BC originally detected if I may ask? You're in the grunge pagent with me.  Tomorrow evening I'm hopping in.  Are you at home with your  pneumonia or hospitalized? Remember we are here to follow your progress (and any setbacks).

Deborah2012

Happy Leap Year, one and all!

On this last day of February I need to jump in and join the group.  But before I do,  I want to say how impressed I am with how caring, supportive, honest and funny this thread is.  Like many others have said before me, I wish we weren't here, but remain so grateful for the great company.

My question is this:  how does one tell if one should be taking pain meds .... or maybe switch to  anti-depressants?  My BMX ( no reconstruction) was on the 8th, and I still find myself in quite a bit of pain.  I can't take most of the entry level stuff, so it is either extra-strength  tylenol  or percocet, and not much in the middle.  Now I'm "down" to taking 1/2 or 1 percocet in the afternoon and then one at night to help with sleep.  The constipation and the other SEs of the narcotics really bug me, but I find that I don't have much choice.  I always thought I had a fairly high tolerance for pain.  And  other than the large malignant growth in my breast, consider myself a reasonably healthy person.  So I'm mad at myself for not feeling better... for not healing faster.

Yesterday my younger daughter turned two , and I had neither the strength nor the range of motion to do any decorating other than blow up balloons. 

She's such a great kid.  She deserves streamers, you know? 

  I find myself so bleeping angry at cancer these days.   I miss my hair and my breasts.  I miss being able to breastfeed.    I miss being able to drive my kindergartner to school and I miss holding the little one on my hip.  I miss being able to do things for myself.  And I miss the notion, misinformed though it might have been, that I was strong and healthy.   My usual feel good strategy of looking forward to some cool project or family vacation seems dashed by the big C as well.  After surgery comes 4 more rounds of chemo (Taxol), then radiation, then Tamox and the express train to menopause.  I know one day the treatment will be over and the new normal will show itself, but that seems like such a long trudge from here.

I know I could have it much, much worse.  The tumor was huge and the nodes were positive, but no sign of mets so far.  I have a good doc and a great support system.  Yet I can't help but feeling like I could scream and/ or weep  at almost any given moment of the day.  I don't recognize the woman in the mirror, and I don't recognize her journal entries, either. 

Sorry for the big vent session.  It must be time for me to take my medication and go to bed.

Gentle hugs to all,

Chris

I think most of us are feeling the feelings now....it is sinking in that our lives will never be the same...I wish you all well in whatever decisions you have made regarding treatment...it is so understandable that the emotional part of this is like a rollercoaster ride...whine away....most of us if not all feel the same way...I've been so up and down throughout this month....Nel - it is a little scary when you look at the scars but it does get easier...I am 4 weeks out of BMX and I am getting used to the scars...everything takes time.....PM me if you need to vent..((((hugs)))

oh Beth1965 sweetie,you are having a darn rough time...get the Kleenex out and have yourself a good cry,you deserve to complain more than me. My drain fell out by itself even tho I slept in the recliner with my arms by my sides and just called the PS this morning to see if I can go on the bed now. (I could have gone on the bed anytime she said) We are all to concentrate on good thoughts for Beth to pull thru this with minimal collateral damage. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

I took my first Femara this morning (generic name is something like Letrazole). I'll keep y'all advised.