Lying about having breast cancer

When I came out of remission a few months back my Daughter-in-law suddenly had uterine cancer.  She told me she had to go to the gyn again and they were going to decide what to do about it since her insurance co. wouldn't pay for a hysterectomy.  I offered to go with her to be supportive but she wouldn't let me and wouldn't even let my son go with her.  I asked her last month about it and she said Oh it was just fibroids.  She is an ULTIMATE drama queen and I know she just told me those things for attention and to downplay my tumors coming back.  I wish I was just seeking attention.

Gracie1,

That has not been my experience on bco.

Caryn

Serina, My son isn't surprised at anything she says or does anymore.  We all know that she is mentally ill but there isn't anything we can do about it because she won't go to counseling or admit that she has a problem.  I stay as far away from her as possible.

Chemo is systemic - it reaches all. Sentinal node biopsy would leave her with an incision going into the armpit. I thought that most doctors didn't use stitches in these things now anyway. Every procedure that I have had lately has involved glue. Even my daughter's open heart surgery in 1998 used glue. All of my son's stitches, hyperactive child that he is, involved glue. 

I think that this is interesting and sad and it makes me angry, but I usually come to the conclusion that if I am not going to do anything about it, I would have to distance myself from it. I am sure you are still processing this mess of a situation though. It's like you are watching a car wreck about to happen, you know it's going to happen, but you have to look anyway. 

It sounds like she's lying or trying to get attention.

I work in school administration, so I would urge you (or anybody) not to send any anonymous notes about her or call the press, what a terrible idea.  I have never seen an anonymous note read by anybody in authority.  They go right into the shredder.  If you have an issue you want addressed, you have to be willling to speak up to have it taken seriously.  And, the press isn't going to care about this, first, and second, the school district will rally around the teacher and things will just get stirred up where they shouldn't be. No changes will happen, saying you are sick when you are not isn't illegal.

I would assume that this is a high school since she's got two prep periods at the end of the day.  She wouldn't be the first one I've seen abuse that time; most just say they are doing their planning at home. I have teachers with 6th period prep who have never heard the final bell ring.

As for Department Chairs, they usually meet once a month, right?  Maybe she hasn't missed as much as you thought?   Are you in the department she is leading?  Have you noticed a lack of focus about where you are to go instructionally?

Since I work in a high school, for me to take time off for surgeries, chemos, etc, I had to provide a doctor's note. This was only after I used up my sick leave and vacation leave.  I did go out on FMLA.  It's possible this teacher arranged with the principal to be gone an hour a day for radiation.  And, the principal may not know that radiation doesn't take that long, and since it's her prep, she's told him she'll make up the work.  Then he probably wouldn't look further.  From his persective, the work is being done, no children are being left alone and she has medical needs.

My advice to you would be just to ignore this woman.  It would not be unreasonable to sit down with the principal and express your doubts.  Several others may have done it already and he can keep an eye on her or request that she stay on campus until the end of the day from now on.

And, I would also ask why this upsets you so very much?  Honestly, I don't care what teacher leaves when as long as classes are covered and if somebody wants to tell people lies about breast cancer, it has nothing to do with me. I'm struggling to survive here and I can't worry about what other people do.  

Do you feel like she's getting attention that you should have gotten?  Other than that, I can't imagine why this upsets you so much.  I can understand when coworkers get attention you haven't gotten but upsetting you to the point of the stress shown in your notes is not good for you either.  I would learn to let it go.  It's important for your own health to lean when there are things you can;t control - to let them go.

. Personally I'd be pissed, not stressed. But I also would have nailed her when she tried to get away with telling that whopper about how chemo couldn't reach the cancer. OMG!



When you work diligently and follow the rules people like this woman piss you off. Lame ass administrators only contribute to allowing mediocre employees like this keep on picking up the same check you do.

Omaz,

Buwhahahaha...love your last line!

Sirena I think you are right to be indignant about this. It may be fraud and can be hurting the other staff and students and using resources unfairly. Some people may think they are administrators of these discussions but they are not.

she's an idiot.. i'd write her a little letter.. tell her to knock it off and let her know how it really is and how her idiocy is really getting you down.  anonymously

i think that would help you at least to put her thinking into perspective

Wait a minute - what personal attack did I make?   I'm completely confused.

I am no longer on FMLA, that ended last week.  I have so many posts on this board because I have been dealing with cancer for three years. I am Stage IV, with mets to the liver. I had half my liver removed to try and cure it back in October and have been off work since then. I was going back in December but I got a colon infection called c-diff and went septic, and spent some time in the hospital. I have been home recovering from septic shock and organ shut down since then. I just started back to work half time last week. I found out today that apparently the cancer is growing in my liver again so who knows how long that will last?.

I don't post at work, ever.  

Based on my experience, I was trying to HELP you, and give you advice on how to handle it with the administration. In reading your first post again, I see you even said this is a teacher at a different school, and yet you are saying you feel rage over it to the point of it consuming you.

 Rage is not helpful to your body as you recover from cancer, and if something a teacher is doing at another school is consuming you, as you said, than it will cause stress hormones to kick in and that isn't good for you physically.  I was pointing out that this is a situation you can't control and maybe letting it go is good for your health.  I really fail to see how anything I said is a personal attack.  I didn't call you a name, for goodness sake.   

And, frankly, you have no idea what the administration there is or isn't doing about it.  Personnel matters are confidential and they may very well be working to do something and you don't know about it.  Your union is very powerful and it is extremely difficult to discipline a teacher as you well know - there are lots of things that must be done and documented for a long period of time.  They might be doing that and trust me, they aren't going to do that and let the school population know about it.  Even the teachers don't know many of the things I know at my school.

I didn't disagree with the fact that she is likely to be faking illness, I only was advising you that you can't do anything about it and it's not even at your school, so try to let it go.  It doesn't touch you or your life. Hell, 90% of Hollywood actors are unethical - do you feel rage to the point of it consuming you over them?  

Oh, and by the way, I am the principal's secretary, not an actual administrator.  Just privy to everything that happens personnel-wise and thought I could help you see things from that end.  I know exactly how schools handle problem teachers, including how and why they surplus teachers and it isn't because they take two weeks off for health reasons.  They are secretive when there is an issue with a teacher, they have to quietly document and follow union rules, they don't read anonymous complaints and basically, they try to do what is best for the school and the school community while following all the rules that are in place.

I'm sorry you felt that I was attacking you but I wasn't at all, just trying to get you to see it's something you can't fix and let it go so you aren't consumed with rage anymore. 

Again, I wish you good luck.  I don't think adding stress over things you cannot control is helpful to you but it is your life.   

Ok, let's clear up some misconceptions:

Mental illness does not excuse lying, and lying to get attention is not by itself a mental illness. We are all responsible for behaving properly. More so if we are public employees teaching children. Sorry, but that's how it is.

Most importantly, let's not make assumptions about this woman's psychiatric profile. There is such thing as bad character. People, both mentally ill and not mentally ill, do bad things all of the time. BAD BEHAVIOR IS NOT BY ITSELF A SIGN OF MENTAL ILLNESS. Conversely, mental illness does not mean a person manifests bad behavior. Plenty of pleasant, benign people are desperaely mentally ill.

Also, lying is not a form of psychosis. Lying is deliberate deception. Psychosis involves nothing deliberate and nothing deceptive. Let's be careful about how we throw around medical diagnoses/opinions not based on facts.

I apologize if this sounds cold, but some here are running away with assumptions and misconceptions.

--Maybe I'm just pissed because I am watching a television program about lions who attack humans, and I am uncomfortable about the misconceptions that people watching the program could have about lions (NOT natural maneaters!)  Off to lick my own wounds.:-)

Athena--It's true we don't know if this woman has a psychiatric diagnosis, but there are indications that she may, so we don't know that she doesn't either. If anyone is curious about the criteria for a Munchausen's diagnosis (aka factitious disorder--aka, a disorder whose hallmark is lying about illness), here is the DSM criteria:

1)The patient intentionally produces or feigns physical or psychological signs or symptoms.

2)The motivation for the behavior is to assume the sick role.

3) External incentives for the behavior are absent.

Edited at an attempt at clarity!