Desperately seeking a positive attitude!

Options
jenlee
jenlee Member Posts: 504
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

how did you find a positive attitude?  I need to figure out a way to flip the switch and turn off the voice that's telling me, even before chemo & surgery, that there is not going to be a happy ending.  I can't seem to turn off these dark thoughts, they're so loud & persistent and haunting me more each day.  It's as though the negative thoughts are winning and I feel like I need to start planning & get everything in order for my family.  I don't want that to happen, but the thoughts won't go away. 

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited February 2012

    jenlee, it's impossible to be positive all of the time, especially when you're still going through tx. Let the dark thoughts roll through.  Cry if you need to; it can be very therapeutic.  

    When I was first dx'd, a bc survivor friend of mine in Colorado sent me a piece of paper with this on it:  

    Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."  Mary Anne Radmacher.  

    I can't tell you how many times during my tx I needed to read that, and each time I found great comfort in it.  I hope it helps you, too.  

    Yes, you will have some rough months ahead, but you're going to be fine!   (((Hugs)))   Deanna
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • galena_79
    galena_79 Member Posts: 107
    edited February 2012

    Aww Jenlee, I'm so sorry that you're struggling with your thoughts right now.  (((((hugs)))))

    I don't always have a positive attitude.  I certainly throw myself a pity party from time to time - and I don't feel ashamed about them.  I think it's healthy to let those feelings out.

    But I find that my thoughts and feelings do change.  I've found that somehow, through all of what is happening, I can still smile about something little.  Things can still make me laugh.  I cling to those things as much as I can, when I can.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jenlee
    jenlee Member Posts: 504
    edited February 2012

    Thank you all so much for responding.

    I do think that once treatment is over and I can return to a more normal life, I won't have so much time to think.  I'm always amazed if I can wake up in the morning and not remember that I have cancer for just a few minutes.  I've stumbled across posts in the "Fear of Recurrence" forum and from the stage IV forums that have scared heck out of me...such brave & positive women, and I feel so weak and self-absorbed to be feeling this way. Which is why I don't belong to a support group and originally stayed away from these boards, because I can't bear to hear about anyone who isn't doing well. (Yet I have gotten so much important info about treatment, and have seen so many strong women to inspire me.)  Ultimately, I don't want my daughter to be without a mom!!!  As some of you have suggested, I should let my feelings out more.  I think I've talked to my husband about "fear/feelings" part less than a handful of times since diagnosis.  I don't discuss it with my friends either.  I've sort of isolated myself by choice.  Everyone thinks I'm so incredibly strong, but I know differently.  But I do see a therapist who specializes in people with illnesses, thank goodness for her, she's the only one I do talk to about my fears.  The suggestions to let the feelings out are good, so obvious, but silly that I haven't done it -- I haven't cried since starting treatment and I know there are a few good cries inside.  I do already take anti-anxiety meds (so it's already been a problem), but maybe need something more.  One of the big reasons for my fear is my Ki67 score of 75%. I happened to have an appt. with my MO this morning and he was a little more encouraging about the fact that the chemo IS working and the tumor has shrunk by about 80%.  I just pray that the chemo is killing any other nasty cells that might have gotten loose in my body, those are the ones I fear most.  Thank you all for being here and for being so kind and compassionate!

    P.S. - I have no idea why the font size keeps changing in the middle of most things that I post :) 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited February 2012

    I have made major changes in my life to decrease my stress and increase my happiness.  I quit the high stress job, started yoga, I continue to exercise daily and take "happy pills".  I don't always have a positive attitude, but it really helped to get on medication.  I was DX in Dec 2010 and started on medication this past fall.  I tried to do it for a long time without meds but I just couldn't.  I am glad I caved and got some.  It really does take the edge off.  Hugs!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • greenfrog
    greenfrog Member Posts: 269
    edited February 2012

    Jenlee - it is ok to be scared. My son had just turned 1 when I was diagnosed. I never thought I'd live to see him start school - but I did. You are doing everything possible to be here for your daughter. For me it helped to stare right in the eye of the beast and confront my fears head on.

    You are in the thick of it at the moment. The treatment will end and you will feel better again and life will return to some kind of normality. It will. Honest!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jenlee
    jenlee Member Posts: 504
    edited February 2012

    I guess it doesn't help that the mother of one of my daughter's classmates died two years ago of breast cancer.  I saw her a few weeks before she passed and she had to be carried or in a wheelchair because she couldn't walk.  The morning after her mom died, the father brought the little girl to school for a few minutes because she really wanted to tell her friends that her mama died. This class of kindergartners were so sweet, hugged this little girl & of course told her stories about their pets and grandparents who had died.  Then a few of us saw him carry her out crying when she was done. Father & daughter seemed like quite the sad team for the remainder of the school year.  Everyone tried to help with playdates, etc.  The good news is that she seems pretty well adjusted now.  Most days, she seems like a really happy bubbly second grader.  I need to rember that worse case scenario, kids are resilient and lots of friend and family would be around to support my daughter.  I've heard the dad is dating now, so maybe someone nice could tolerate my husband and date or marrry him. I need to remember that I have no idea about the specifics of the mom's cancer, when it was detected, how she was treated!

    More importantly, you have all done exactly what this board is meant for, supported me, inspired me to confront my fears, deal with the sadness and see the light at the end of the tunnel.    For this, I truly cannot thank  you enough!!!! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Wendyspet
    Wendyspet Member Posts: 246
    edited February 2012

    What a beautiful daughter you have!

    Chemo messes with you.  I was so angry at times, I just cried.  And watch out for me on the freeway!!  I certainly didn't feel myself.  You shouldn't expect too much from yourself--these are pretty rough treatments we go through.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • peggy_j
    peggy_j Member Posts: 1,700
    edited February 2012

    jenlee, I'm so sorry you're going through this and yes, after seeing someone else struggling with BC, it's no wonder you're feeling down. BC sucks. No way around it and no amount of pink ribbons and teddie bears makes that go away. If you want someone to commiserate with about not having a positive attitude, Barbara Ehrenrich wrote a book about getting BC and being shocked at how much of the "message" was to stay positive/ etc etc. (Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America)  Personally, I don't think that book is what you want right now, but just an FYI that you're not the first to be discouraged by the pressure to "stay positive" in the face of cancer.

    I'm glad you're seeing a counselor. Mine said that some patients are afraid to cry because they feel that once they do, they won't stop. Maybe something similar is happening to you, that it's hard to let your feelings out because it may feel too overwhelming.  My counselor recommending writing these feelings in a journal, and I did that lot and it helped. Also, as a tidbit, my counselor said "no feelings about feelings." i.e. don't add the extra pressure to yourself thinking you *should* feel a certain way. If you can accept and experience your feelings, then you can move through them. Each person moves at their own pace.

    I also had good luck with a Guided Imagery class and walking daily for 30 mins. The walks were interesting because it gave a continuity to my days. (i.e. some days I felt sad on my walks; some days tired; some days not so bad; many days it was fun). On days day I felt bad I knew there would be days I'd feel good again. Good luck! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited February 2012

    A antidepressant has really helped me. I've never needed one. Then about a month ago I started walking.my last chemo is tomorrow!!!! I just had to tell that bitch with the negative attitide to just shut up. I like to put on my ipod so and turn the music up and just walk it off. Chemo is a really isolated time. Or it was for me.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • libraylil
    libraylil Member Posts: 528
    edited February 2012

    Jen lee, I think the fact that your tumor has responded to the chemo so well is fantastic. I too had neoadjuvant chemo. About a year and a half since my diagnosis and I don t think about BC all of the time now. It does cross my mind a lot still. I think what you are feeling is normal. Hell, we are scared!

    The thoughts will begin to intrude on your brain less and less. You have had a great response and have reason to celebrate this.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories