Calling all TNs

I'm pretty scared right now. I've had a little discomfort in my neck nothing major but today it's really hurting when I move my head. Two big ole lymphnodes. I'm seeing my onc tomorrow but I know what I know. Man I keep saying it, this cancer is so fast. I'm anxious and scared to get my markers tomorrow. I always pray that I'm wrong but sadly in my heart I know that it is moving up my neck it's already jumped to my right side. I'm not sure if the numbness in my right hand is from the cancer or the chemo. My left hand is useless from the cancer I can't even button my jeans and it's not because they are tight I just haven't figured out how to do it with one hand. This pain in my neck today just brings me to tears. I just can't seem to stop crying. One minute I'm trying to make plans for spring but then I think what's the point. I was hoping the Halavan was still kind of working but it seems like it's not at all anymore. I was hoping if I could at least make it till spring they would come up with a new chemo. Oh man, I'm just so sad and angry. I've been trying to beat this ever since I was diagnosed. I had a month in a half break last June when I thought everything would be ok at least for a while. What I'd give for just 6 months pain free and chemo free. Hell, I'd love a month.

Well thanks for letting me share it just feels good to get it off my chest. I try and keep my positive cheery attitude and sometimes it just disappears for a minute. I'm so sorry if I bring anyone down.

LJ, you have absolutely nothing to worry about bringing anyone down.  You have my entire attention and concern. Goodness, it sure moves fast, but I am still hoping the neck is just something coming from a wrong sleep position.  Where exactly on the neck? LJ - are you taking metformin, I can't remember whether you had mentioned it or not. Is Halaven the last chemo you are trying?  I sure hope your markers are down tomorrow.  Is that how your doctor is monitoring you?  I am so sorry that you are down today, but I can imagine where you are with this.  It is very tough my dear and you have been doing so well with this mentally and emotionally.  I wish I could take this away and make you feel good.  I am so sorry but I feel so helpless.  All I can say is that it is never the same every day.  In some way or another things change, after every dark night comes a bright sunny morning. 

LauraJane - sending you gentle hugs.  You are in my thoughts and prayers and have been since I started reading this thread again 2 weeks ago.   So, so sorry to hear that you are still struggling with pain and are running out of options.  Just wish there was something that I could do to help!  ((Hugs))

I have been avoiding this particulart thread for quite some time.... Although I am TN, I have always felt out of place here because I have never been able to share in the Chemo experience (I was told I did not need it - even with a second opinion!)  I always felt like I was just waiting around until I was told that it was back and nothing could be done! So far - I feel pretty good! 

Then, I stopped reading all threads last summer, when I became a caregiver for my father who was diagnosed with throat cancer.  After he passed away in September, it took a few months before I really started reading the threads regularly again.  This is the last thread that I have caught up on and I can NOT believe the sorrow I feel when I read about Suze, MBJ and LJ's struggles.  I really do now think that this really IS all a crapshoot! 

Just wanted to let you all know that I am back and will be lurking regularly again - You have all been in my thoughts and I find that I really NEED to touch base with you ladies who are probably feeling the way I do, but struggling for normal!  It is also great to see familiar names and to know that there is still a sense of humour here amongst the sorrow!

Although I don't post very often, please know that your comments and suggestions are wonderful, not only for the newbies, but for someone like me who has been living with a TN diagnosis for the past 2 3/4 years and trying to have a "normal" life - or as normal as I can make it!   Thank you all for being here whenever someone needs you!

(((LauraJane))) sending hugs your way and wishing you some peace.

Ladies looking for recipes, come check out "So...what's for dinner?" in the Moving on... forum.  We share lots of recipes and life experiences. It's a really good group of women and you will enjoy the discussion.

((((((((LJ))))))))

LauraJane-first of all, big hugs to you. Second of all, please always say how you feel, don't hold it in, as we are here for you. This cancer stuff is scary, and of course we are going to cry and vent, we deserve to!

LJ - no apologies! I am so sad that you are scared. I wish there was something I could do to help. I really do.

Is there anyone out there that remembers taking the contrast for the CT scan and the injection they give you. Plus how long before the contrast makes you go to potty.   Mine is tomorrow and I'm freaking out again. Please help if you can. Annie 

LJ.......I agree with everyone's sentiments, you cannot possibly bring us down.  we are here to lift when others don't have the strength.  just know that you have been the one lifting us all so many times before.  warm and gentle hugs to you my dear.  spring is such a wonderful time.  keep that in your sights.  you will feel the warmth on your face and dance among the flowers soon.

CS.....the contrast tastes, well, yucky.  make sure you go for vanilla.  it is as close to non-flavor as you can get.  just drink it down as quickly as you can.  the contrast makes you super warm for a few seconds then a quick scan and it's over.  do make sure you stop by the bathroom before leaving the facility, even if you don't think you need to go.  it worked/moved pretty quickly for me.

Laura Jane thinking about you this beautiful sunny cold morning in MI. My daffodils are up about 3", I'm hoping the ice we get tonight won't hurt them!

Your post are always so comforting, you deserve the same and more!

Laura Jane - Sending you prayers for strength to sustain you and peace to comfort you. ((hugs))

LauraJane, Praying for good scans today!!!! 

LJ- thinking of you today and hoping you feel better soon!

Suze- I hope today is a good day with your family and that you're comfortable.

I have a job interview today with the local middle school for a paraprofessional position! I have not worked since my son was born almost 10 years ago! Yikes! I hope I don't bomb the interview!!

Good Luck Tif!