Insensitive Friends / Family

Sometimes I think that people, our friends included, just don't know what to say.  My close group of girls night out friends, were great.  They gave me a boob voyage party complete with a boob cake! While my own sister has yet to pick up the phone to see how I am doing.  And I was dx. almost a year ago.  I had to call her to tell her that she was in the clear....my BRAC results were neg.  If we talk, I always call her.  Oh well.....

I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt.  But, there are times I just want to slap them silly!!!! 

Many of us have been through this.  I never got my BMX or chemo acknowledged by DH's SIL and my surgery was over a year ago.   I never got a phone call or card from her or my BIL either.  Some of my own family barely called at times and my own mom acted like I should be calling her.  My sister finally told her to pick up the phone herself.  I was let down but many people along my journey, but I was also treated wonderful by others that stepped up way more than I ever anticipated.  I am truly grateful for those that really went out of their way to do special things for me.  I have come to realize that BC is very lonely.  Most people don't get it and think you are curable.  They don't understand what it is like to be faced with real thoughts of mortality because of being diagnosed with an incurable disease.  I think I spent a lot of time convincing everyone I was OK because I didn't want them to worry but sometimes I needed people to show concern but they didn't get that.  I think the whole topic of any kind of cancer situation makes people uncomfortable so it's easier to not do anything than do something.  I really don't think that most people don't care, I think they just don't know how to handle it.  This journey has made me realize that I too need to be more compassionate to others and take the time to support others with whatever they are going through that is challenging in their life.  I know it makes you sad to feel like people are letting you down, but I don't think in most cases that is their intention.  Hugs!   Just know you will have lots of loving, caring support here

I have been so lucky -- I work with about 100 people and I have received so many cards, emails, flowers, fruit baskets and prepared meals -- they have been wonderful.  I have been off work for a bit so they have slowed down but still receive many emails with a quick "thinking of you" and "miss you". 

I have one sister in Florida for the winter also like VeganGal and I think she must be related to her sister ... it is almost like she doesn't understand how serious this could be -- I am lucky because I am not going to have to have chemo but that was not knows until last week.  Another sister finally visited last week - surgery was January 11.  I am single so my younger sister has been going to all my appointments and tomorrow I meet with the Radiation Oncologist and she is coming to that too. I have assured her I can handle it alone ...lol.

I have to admit, the people that I expected to hear from, I have not and some have really surprised me -- right down to calling and bringing dinner 2 x's.

Joanne....Yes, I agree with you.  The people I expected to be there for me, where often absent and those who I really did not expect much from really stepped up to the plate.  

MDG....I think many of us have tried to downplay just how scared and worried we really are to protect those that we care about.  I hate to worry people, especially those that I love.

All I know is that I try even harder than ever to live my life from a place of gratitude and show compassion and support to those around me. 

Now being a year out, I can say I have tried to let go of the negative feelings towards those that let me down.  I just don't have the time or energy to focus on negative things.  I know I have grown through this process and I know I will never treat ANYONE like that.  I feel good about how I handle myself and how I treat others.  I can't control what other people do....I have learned to let it go.  I also have learned to expect "nothing more than what I got" from those people.  I know they won't act any different at other points in my life where I may need them.  Don't waste your feelings and emotion on these people.  Realize that it is better to let the emotional stress of that go so you can stay healthy physically and emotionally for yourself.  Hugs ladies.....we "get it". 

I hear you on this. 1openheart, I had the same experience with my sister.  I went past the "WTF" stage to just not caring if I heard from her or not.  When I finally called her I was genuinely ticked off.  I mean, my co-workers surprised me with this heartfelt outpouring of just COOL stuff (like photographing the entire office, all 80 people, wearing pink and posting the pics on my FB page while I was in surgery) and my own sister couldn't pick up the f'ing phone?  Grrrrr.

I sometimes wonder if it just hits a little too close to home when it's your sister.  She did go get a mammogram a few weeks after my dx, so maybe she was just scared? I don't know. I still can't figure it out. 

You ask is there already a thread devoted to insensitive people?  You bet there is!!!! Come on over to the Bonfire of the Goddesses thread!  Just do a search (click the word "search" in the upper right hand corner and type in "Bonfire of the Goddesses").  We have so many people burning in that fire that last week, I could have sworn the entire East Coast of the United States was up in flames!  Not only do we have people tossed in, but we also have...hmmmm....let's see... our calendars filled with doctor appointments, scan equipment and the technicians who run them, and a real big one that gets tossed is, all the side effects we get from treatment!

 Jo1955, bless her, started the bonfire and I swear it is MAGICAL.  Because after you toss something, you feel so much better!  Come on down to the bonfire and start throwing in some of your fear, anxiety and frustration and see for yourself!  We have marshmallows toasting all the time there as well....