Lower Stage Posting on Stage IV Forum

We are considering marking Stage 4 threads differently in the active topics. We certainly don't want to pull the Stage 4 threads out of the active topics, so until we've been able to make the change, this cross-posting will occur.  (p.s. We are working on a bunch of changes at the same time).

Thanks for Everyone's sensitivity to the issue!

Your Mods. 

Mods, I am sorry to see that you are bowing down to this AGAIN.

I think having a password protected "private" area is a good idea, while keeping the regular forums as well.

Hats off to the Moderators, BTW - what a job.

I agree. Password protection is unnecessry. And how would it guarantee anything? Anyone can say anythng to get a password. It would also only serve to separate us even more.who wants that?



I also post across the boards if i feel I can be of any help (I try to stay away from newly diagnosed or waiting so as not to scare newbies). Are we saying I don't qualify to post other places because I've never been there (dx stage IV to start)?



I think the current way is fine (with maybe adding sonething identifying a Stage IV thread in active topics). I think that innappropriate, insensitive comments are few an far between and are for the most part innocent mistakes. And someone who would do it on purpose would do it anyway even with further restrictions

Oh sorry!  I wasn't very clear - I absolutely don't think the entire Stage IV forum should be password protected - but perhaps if there was a "private" forum available for those that need it. 

I agree with you reesie - For the most part I don't believe anyone is being purposely insensitive and I think sharing our combined experiences and knowledge is one of the greatest benefits of these forums. 

Carpediem, thank you.

No, definitely don't password protect that area. It should show up in the listings and nobody should be restricted from posting there.    My whole long rambling post was merely to suggest that people try to look at things from our perspective before posting questions or asking for advice.  

And, I think most people do. 

Support is always welcome and nobody can go wrong there. 

I'm on a HER2 board as well and that one isn't broken down by stage, so obviously, this conversation never come up there.  It's a mixed marriage that works.     (Meaning, people debate other topics.    ) When things are broken down like it is here, people get a little territorial, and it's human nature to want things organized neatly and have clear rules to follow.  That's why this topic apparently comes up from time to time. Women may be confused about what to do but the people who are confused and thinking about it are not the ones that need to worry.  

Like I said, my threads are open to all.  Just don't ask me how much time I have left.     

I have found that some of the people that are not stage IV, that do post on it are fine. They are usually very supportive of us. There are a few daughters of stage IV that always post there and are very supportive of us.

The only thing that does bother me is when someone else's post, they were posting that they were just dx with stage IV and a stage II asked if they don't mind telling how they found out. Sometimes it is for venting by the person that wrote the post, not to ask them questions. We have to remember to be supportive even if you do not agree with a decision to not do chemo or something.

I also enjoy being able to help the children that come and post on stage IV. I give them advise like I am their mother and tell them I would want them to go to college and my early death to affect them as little as possible.

Basically I do not think it should be restriced to just stage IVers! I do not pay attention to what forum I am posting on, wht should you? I just look at the title and see if it something that I want to post about.

Athena .. I think you have a good idea.  I wonder if it's possible to implement something like that.  I think most people wander into the Stage IV forum the first time by accident.  I agree, if you keep posting inappropriate stuff in that forum, you need to get your hand slapped.

Bren

Hi again, friends!  So, this has been occupying my thoughts for the past couple of days.  I have a different suggestion.  Would there be any way to PM more than one person at a time (like on Facebook, you can start a message thread with a few people)?  That way, the public forums are public, but if a few Stage IV people wanted to keep a conversation private and get support from their friends, they could PM them together.  Just a thought.  As always, I will try to remain a respectful, grateful, and supportive member of the community. 

Mallory107 - excellent idea!  I've errored when reading the "Discussion Board Active Topics" list with the Stage IV posts and simply linked to the topic --- sometimes missing which forum I was in.  I try to be more aware now where the topic link posts to and not to make that mistake. If this  forum posts could be listed separate --- I think it might help posters.

When i was first DX over 3 years ago and did not know much about BC i didn't know how too much about the stages and grades and im sure i wondered over there not knowing how sensitve a stage 4 was and i apologise for that, I do still post condolences. But i was wondering if when a 'Newbie" registers for the first time if maybe  there can be some kind of written statement about this to them so they will know from the get go.

What's wrong with posting on the Stage IV forum if you can help someone. I felt so stupid the other day apologising for posting there but I did want to help (it was about a first time Zometa infusion). When Ann (Coolbreeze) was dx with Stage IV - I wrote because I knew her from our original chemo thread. I think some people are over reacting - any of us could end up Stage IV - we should be able to reach out and comfort and help if we want.

I don't agree that it should be left alone.   

I read Stage IV forum posts when I see something pop up in the Active List that catches my eye. I've been around here long enough that when I click on the topic, the first thing I do is check the forum. If it's Stage IV, I might read the thread, since it did catch my eye and interest me, but I will rarely post.  The exception is if the post is about someone that I know and care for, in which I case I will post to offer support or condolences.

In my occasional hits upon the Stage IV forum, I've read some posts from non-Stage IV posters that have had me shaking my head.  No one ever intends to be insensitive but I've read some really insensitive and unthinking posts. Some Stage IVs posting here don't mind this - they accept it for what is it (people attempting to be helpful but saying something that's not appropriate for a Stage IV audience).  But other Stage IVs clearly get upset at this - and that's understandable too.  

I think most everyone agrees that no one wants to stop non-Stage IVs from offering support and condolences.  So that means not blocking the forum or locking out non-Stage IVs.  But if the forum remains open, what's wrong with trying to do something to make non-Stage IVs aware of where they are posting (since not everyone checks the forum when they click on an Active Topic) and aware that they should be extra careful in what they write?  If something can be done to reduce the number of insensitive and inappropriate posts, why wouldn't we do that? 

My thought is that when a Stage IV topic pops up on the Active Topics list, there should be a small note next to it that says "Stage IV".  I also believe that we need to have a list of Board Posting Guidelines or Board Etiquette, something that all new members should have to read when they join and maybe something that pops up once every 3 months for existing board members, just as a reminder.  These guidelines should also be widely available on the board (at the top of the forum list?). In a thread last week (How Can I Block a Thread, in this same forum) I made an attempt at starting such a list.  I would add to it some specific guidelines or etiquette rules about posting in the Stage IV forum - and perhaps this list should be included at the top of the topic list in the Stage IV forum.

An approach like that wouldn't limit or restrict access any more than what we have now, but it might lead to more consideration before a non-Stage IV person posts in the Stage IV forum and as a result, there might be fewer insensitive posts and fewer upset Stage IV women.  And what's wrong with trying to do that?

It appears that there are as many opinions as posters - and as stage IV posters, specifically. This just shows how differently bc strikes each of us regardless of whether you are terminally ill or not.

I still propose my idea. The letter would come up the first time an individual contributes to the threads only. The message of the letter could say whatever stage IV posterws want it to say - my letter was just a template example, but it's not for me to say what the chief concerns of the sisters there are.

If I am correct (based on the thoughts bewing expressed here and elsewhere), while some Stage IV sisters don't mind others posting at all, the ones who do have no intention of NOT letting others post. They just have quite valid concerns about how those others interject. I don't think anyone has said they don't want to hear from non stage IV-ers. Rather, they would like those others to bear a few things in mind (which vary by individual).

So the idea of signalling a particular Active Topics thread as "stage IV" may have the unintended consequences of signalling to others "we don't want you here." And I haven't gotten that feeling from any stage IV sister. That might therefore be overkill.

I really think a one-time-only pop up message with a few etiquette considerations would help.

Mods: I also suggest something else. From reading this, what most seems to bother many stage IV-ers - and you hear this across the board -  is when someone starts a thread and posts to say "OMG - could this be mets?" Suggestion: can YOU, as mods, simply move that thread to the "not dx'd but concerned" forum? You can then PM the OP and say: Hey, so-and-so, just thought we would move this to the other forum so that you can get more responses. The poster may be more grateful than anything else half of the time.

Athena, the big-mouthed but ignorant stage II-er (whose proofreading abilities on BCO are  - well, nonexistant)

In my observation, the inappropriateness can go the other way.  Stage IV's do not get ticked off at this.  It's not an attack.  What I mean is I have, on the rare occasion, seen a Stage IV member post on some of the newly diagnosed threads and give long accounts of their Dx and lengthy journeys so far.  They will used the jargon and abbreviations that are only confusing to a new member, and can amount to TMI when someone might only have been through their biopsy.  I'm not saying this happens often (or that only Stage IV's have done this,) just that I have seen it.  Just sayin' there are probably caveats that could be mentioned for many more forums, not just the Stage IV.

I'm not in the "protect the Newbies at all costs" camp, because although they are thrown for a loop with their recent Dx's, they still seem that they have not lost their powers of reason.  One or a couple posts that are inappropriate don't seem to throw them off that much and they do fine.  For that same reason, I can't really get behind the "Stage IV separatist" movement, because I think most look at an inappropriate post in the Stage IV forum, see it for the untactful post that it is, and either ignore or let it roll off and go on reading the more fitting posts. A good number of the Stage IV comments here have said as much.

Keep in mind:  1)  "Inappropriateness" is in the eye of the beholder.  2)  We have all been guilty of it, regardles whether someone actually pointed it out.  Welcome to being human.  3)  The "inappropriateness" of posts (wherever) seems to be affecting a minority of members; and the old saying is, "Try to please everyone, end up pleasing no one."

Whether or not BCO implements some kind of external "gatekeeping," the gate has not been made that some little something can't always find it's way through.  Why not activate our own internal gatekeeping?  I don't think that B/C has the power to take away that ability and the bottom line, then, is deciding what WE want to let in.