I'm Quietly Freaking Out

Hugs Shanagirl. I for one refuse to worry about anything until someone says its a problem. We get aches and pains all the time that have nothing to do with diagnosis. All this stress can make you ill (and might even be the cause of that shortness of breath/ coughing). You are having it checked out. Don't panic until they say there is an issue.

I just had my 3rd liver scan since diagnosis. Still no change in the lesions they think are cysts. Not sure if they are going to scan me again in a year (find out at my appointment in April). I still refuse to worry about it. I want to enjoy what ever time I have left… and I hope it's a long time for both of us.

Dear Barb, I think you really need a peace of mind scan. I don't think thinking about something too much causes it to happen, otherwise I would have won the lottery by now......or I'd have gone back in time and prevented all of this from happening in the first place (like that better)....I know it is very, very hard to continue on with our lives and not worry constantly about every little ache, pain, and morbid thought that comes into our heads.  I think this worry also gets pushed down and pushed down and then seeps up and overflows and this is why we have days of tears at times. There is no doubt...THIS.....IS.....HARD.. work.... I think what you need to tell yourself is A. I will get a scan and feel safe again and B. If there is something wrong, I will fight it, I will deal with it and everything will be ok.

Are you a smoker?  Perhaps what is happening in your lungs is from your treatment or smoking...there are a lot of other things it could be other than cancer. And I feel if they REALLY saw something they would have insisted on more scans? I think you are clearly, clearly worried about it and you should just get the scan and go through the process.  You will feel soo much better afterwards.

and do you know how small 3mm is? its incredibly small. thats not even half a cm. 10 mm=1cm right?

Hi,  Hope that you have a better day tomorrow. Sometimes a good cry does wonders. Lets us know what your onc says.  SharonH

Aww Barb,

I'm so sorry you are on that roller coaster again.  It SUCKS!  No two ways about it!  I wish I could give you some perfect words of wisdom but I get like you are too sometimes.  Last time it was my back, but as soon as I got the all clear things felt better almost immediately.  I think we do internalize all these new aches and pains and don't realize how much tension we build up in ourselves.  It DOES come out physically and emotionally.  I cry at weird times too now, and wish I could more when I really want to.  

Hang in there babe.  You'll get through this and we'll be here for you along the way.

Love,

Sharon

I think cheno can cause ILD. It is allergy season too and every since chemo my allgeries are thru the roof each spring. Many people with asthma, copd, bronchitis, have interstitial lung disease show u on xrays. One other thing just to share. A friend I worked with and I were both dx within 3 months of each other. She did lumptectomy with radiation I did the mastectomy. She had a nodule that they wanted to watch. She refused. She had a thoracotomy to remove it. It turned out to be granulation tissue. Praying for b-9 for you too.

Barb....if it makes you feel any better I had the same things....in fact a couple of small 2mm to 4mm spots in lungs.....7 years later I am still doing okay.

I remember a friend telling me that if they turned everyone inside out there would be all kinds of lumps and bumps.....but because we have had cancer....we just freak more.

Hang in there.

Jacqueline

Hi Barb: I'm going through exactly the same thing as you. Routine follow up CT came back from Radiology with "possible early lymphangitic spread" and "possible metastasis." A couple of chest lymph nodes were enlarged. I was totally freaked out. Upper left lobe, 3mm nodule (it's been there since my first CT). My husband was crying when he read the report, which prompted me to request a meeting with my onc. He kindly went over my CT with me, and explained why he's not particularly worried. He feels the lung issues were caused by radiation, and may take months to resolve. He said there's no sign at all of any cancer anywhere else, and since I'm still on treatment (Herceptin/Tamoxifen) he thinks it's highly unlikely that I have mets. But we're doing follow up scans anyway, for my peace of mind. I know my mind can play tricks on me!!! Hope this makes you feel better.

Shanagirl,

If you don't worry then something is wrong. As long as you worry you are healthy. But having said that, you need to rationalise your thinking, and order stuff in your mind. You worry when you are dam sure something is wrong, but what you are doing right now is anxiety that does you no good. I had a chest X-Ray and the report said Polumonary nodule of 0.5 cm I almost feeaked out, cried, and di all the drama in the world, but it did me no good. You need to calm down, excercise, work on mind therapy and tell yourself you are fine, nothing is wrong with you, smile, laugh instead of crying, pray, let this negative energy of thoughts out of you, and you will be in peace.

Whatever it is (and I pray it will be nothing serious) we don't have anything in our hands to do, all we can do is get treatment, and pray it works well for us.

Hugs coming your way