January 2012 chemo

good morning.

i went mia over the weekend trying to take care of "things".  "j" is feeling much more fatigue than the first  ac tx.  day 5 post tx #2 and she seemed to notice there is quite a comedown from the steroids.  "j" had a hard time dragging herself out of bed today...i kept trying to talk her into to staying home from work, but she wouldnt listen.  maybe we over did things a bit yesterday, a trip to her brothers so our son could play with his cousins...frito pie and calabacitas...yumm...although the green chili does not sit with "j"'s taste buds or tummy right now.  she is feeling a bit more nausea than she did last time...complains of strange busy dreams, has a bit of constipation (taking colace and senekot with limited results).

at times she seems very weak...concerns me quite a bit.  her mind still seems sharp though, even if she is a bit cranky.

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funny story:

scene:  2 am - just came back to bed after rocking the baby back to sleep.  standing by the side of the bed.  

"j"  i am so hot!

me:  why dont you move some of those blankets off of you?

"j"  come over here!

me:  why?

"j": just come over to my side of the bed?

me:  how is that gonna help?

"j":  just do it now.

me:  how am i going to help by coming to your side of the bed?

 "j":  dont argue with me...just get over here now!

me:  ok, now what?

"j":  help me sit up!  why do you always have to argue with me...just listen to me for once!

me:  ok. im sorry.

"j":  not with one arm, two arms!  ouch...that side is where my port is!

"j":  you are pulling my hair now!  what's wrong with you?

finally sitting up "j" fans her pajama top once like a southern belle and falls back into the bed snoring.  confused i retreat to the couch.   i related the incident to her the next morning and she has no memory of it at all.

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@DianeNMil:  i have no words for the comment made by your husband.  it was extremely crass and self-indulgent.  i cannot for the life of me begin to comprehend what / why he said what he did to you.  all i can do is to tell you to stay strong.  above all, take care of yourself and make sure you are making  yourself priority number one in all you do.

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i am wishing all of you good days today!  thinking of you all and keeping you in prayer.

Morning all from cloudy Australia,

 Thanks for your lovely comments Jennt28, Janetanned and NancyHB.

 I think the onc listened to me because she could see I could not go one step further with the treatment she had me on. It was either do something or I'm off all this stuff ( even though  I know that's not really an option!)

Any way was supposed to have 3 infusions of Taxatore but won't be doing that , will just continue on the chemo for 3 more sessions, so can't tell you how pleased I am about that

As she said my body would not have coped on taxatore so thank goodness for common sense from onc.

As for the juicer stuff, I know how you feel nancy, at the moment I am living on green jelly and green ice cream, 2 things I normally never ever have , both full of sugar. I just feel like damm, everthing else sucks so I want food that I want!! makes no sense I know but one day if I can get my head straight and can think straight for longer than 5 mins I will look at this juicing of vegies and see if I can make it work for us. My hubby is keen, but I suspaect I will do all the work about it

anyway ,everyone take care of yourselves, as best you can

Lynne

Nancy - I called my MO today to check about the neulasta shot.  She says I should have the shot after my first taxol, but we will decide then whether it is needed for the remainder of tx.  The steroids are prescribed for the first two txs, but not the 3rd or 4th.  Not sure why.  I will have to check about that!

I am post menopausal, so I've been through the whole hot flash business.  Not so much fun!  Weirdly enough I've been having mini hot flashes recently.  I think it might be the steroid flush.  My scalp get very sweaty, then it freezes.

My youngest daughter came to visit for a week.  She got in from a 21 hour trip at 4:30 AM.  She was up at 6:30 to go with me to my PT appointment.  Good news there.  PT said my Lympoedema is very mild.  I just have to do some exercises and massage myself at home.  I'll see her in 6 weeks and if it not worse I won't have to go back.

Today my daughter are going to the Kotel (Western wailing wall)   in Jerusalem. I will offer a prayer for all you gals. Then having lunch out and visiting her sister.  I'm so pumped.  

Peggy 

NancyHB, hot flashes are a pretty common side effect, and I've had some doozies while on chemo. These hot flashes are far worse than those I experienced when I went through menopause. Part of the reason mine might be so bad is that I had been on hormone replacement therapy after menopause and I had to stop those cold-turkey the day I got my diagnosis of BC.

The night sweats have been especially annoying. I've gotten so I lay out a fresh set of pj's every night, with a towel, so if I wake up soaked, I can walk into the bathroom, wipe off with the towel, put on fresh pj's and get back into bed without turning on a light, almost without even opening my eyes.

A nurse told me that some foods and drinks exacerbate the hot flashes, including red wine and chocolate, which had been two of my favorite vices. I've cut out both, and it does help some. 

NancyHB-I'm so sorry you have to work today. Take it slow and maybe you can knock off a bit early.



For me, today is treatment #4, last of The AC and it marks my half way point. All good stuff but I dread it so bad. Treatment 3 was kinda rough and I only started to feel human this past Saturday. The side effects were varied, some mild, some not. The worst thing going right now is the hemorrhoids that accompanied the constipation of treatment 2. They won't go away! The constipation is being managed with additional fiber in my diet, but all that fiber has to make it past those hemorrhoid. OUCH! I've tried Prep H sup and ointment, Anucort RX, tucks pads, acupuncture. My next call is to my GI doc but I don't want to do anything that could possibly delay treatment. Any suggestionts?



Good day to everyone!

NC-beachgal,

Good luck with you 4th AC , regarding constipations and hemrroids not much to guide you but I would say soft diet few days before and after helps.

Thanks Hugs Bela 

Hello All:

Haven't posted since after my reconstruction. Tomorrow is #4 AC!! NCbeachgal you and I are on the same track! It has been hell. Like Nancy HB, I too have been trying to work through this and that goodness for my coworkers getting me through the mess. This is the halfway point. Now I have Taxol to look forward to.......

I too tried to take a trip after #3AC....I didn't drive, didn't walk a lot...still, it was the dumbest idea I have ever had...I was a sack of coal.

I wish there was a way to know that any lingering cancer is gone. Between the chemo and the antibiotics ( I had an infection in my implants...hospitalized, IVs...not good)  How can anything be alive inside?

Hugs to all. We will get through this together. Somethings one minute at a time.....

CharB22, 

Awee, I hope I can make you feel better some how. I wish I knew. Atleast your mom is there I know tho' what you mean about crying and xanax and hating this F***ing disease unfortunately I am in same boat.

HUGS.

Bela.

I will pray you breeze thro' it  

Hi, everyone. I had my friend use his clippers to shave my head as close to the scalp as possible today, thinking my partner could just shave the stubble off later. We approached it like shaving legs, or something, having no idea that shaving the scalp is somewhat of an art form. Luckily, we didn't hack up my scalp. Tomorrow I'll be visiting a barber.



Today I also had a power port put in. It feels weird, but uneventful so far. Tomorrow I'll test it out when I get A/C #3, which I'm dreading. I've felt good the last three days after a fairly tough period following #2. Not looking forward to more of the same, if not worse. Honestly, I don't know how people with 'regular' jobs do it. I'm a real estate agent and I'm ending up shifting my work to other agents. I just can't reliably be well enough to be there for my clients. I really admire you, 'cause I don't think it's that you're feeling any better than me.

Annie

Just checking in on everyone.

It seems I have also had the chemo blues and just didnt feel like doing anything. Even getting on the computer made me nauseas.

Im also hating being bald at the moment. I made more scarves last week and now it makes me sick to look at them too. haha It seems my mind is connecting the sick feeling to what I was doing last week after treatment.

forget thinking about the chemo lounge. UGH!!! Just the thought and I could puke. I guess # 3 just made me more sick but in reality I know it could be so much worse.

I also was very foggy headed and depressed but that seems to be lifting now.

I was just feeling like I was in some other world and wouldnt be able to function again and the what if it comes back and this is forever?

I sat down and read God's word and prayed and decided just to let go and trust him and to remember this will pass and it did. Today was much better. Hopefully I will remember next treatment that the bad feelings will pass and just to allow myself to rest and not try to think too much.

Hang in there everyone.

I remember when we were on page one and waiting for out first treatment and here we are almost half way through. We arfe on page 44 now. We have come a long way baby!!! We will make it through.

annie, luck with your 3rd. I will keep you in thoughts.

shellseeker, I am depressed too. no hair and just consumed by this forever is killing me to tell you the truth.you are done with hardest #3 so congrats, now it will be easy I have heard.

Kite,I am glad we have here to vent. vent all you want. hope all gets better soon. I hate being bald. and kids doing good is biggest relief.

Bela

HUGs 

NancyHB ,

Hugs, I know it feels like a crap. Hopefully anger will help you same as this rant too.

Bela 

As bad as BC is there are way worse cancers one can  get. So as angry as I am that I have to go through all of this I am grateful that it wasn't a cancer that can't be treated.  I figure as long as they can catch it early, cut it out and treat it it will be ok. 

 Lumpynme -  I am with you on being glad this was me and not one of my kids or siblings.  I certainly am better able to handle this than any of them would be.

 NancyHB - It can be very disheartening when you read or hear about other people losing the battle or having reoccurences but everyones case is different. But you are entitled to your whining and your anger and do not apologize for it.   My 13 y.o. is quick to point out every time she hears of someone or reads of someone getting cancer, dying of cancer, etc.  I get very angry that she has to have this on her shoulders now.  But I believe that the support at home, with friends and most of all you wonderful ladies that understand what we each are feeling will help us get through this and come out stronger on the other side.

Nancy HB- people call me an inspiration and remark about how good I look and how strong I am. They remark about my positive attitude. Well, that's either my mask or I only allow contact on those good days. I also believe that when people see us "high-functiong"( HA!) BC patients, they are going through their own possible reactions should they be struck with disease.

What I'm saying is that you can't feel bad about feeling bad or making associations with these new rituals that have been put upon us. I hate every minute of every appointment. Sure, I have a great cancer center with a very caring and professional staff of lab, nurses and providers and that helps my attitude some. There are so many things I hate-being sick, being constipated, having roids, being bald, spending money on OTC meds and head coverings ( no matter how lovely-I'd rather be having my hair highlighted and buying hair products).


I know I can vent here. The outside world is more comfortable with the person who puts on the brave cancer face because the reality is too much for them to care about or simply process in the 10 minutes of uncomfortable contact they typically have with us.

That's my ramble-I hope in some way, it helps.

Angie