Just Diagnosed & Brain Numb
Comments
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Needed your words and I have received them with an open mind and heart. I know that I will continue to need them through this journey. A part of me knows that I have been preparing for this time all of my life; now it is the time to rely upon what I do know to be true and continue to be the person I am.
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Be courageous and brave! I never knew of my own strength until i was diagnosed with breast cancer and I am proud of myself that I got through it. You can too!! Think of yourself as a warrior ready for the fight!! Please keep me posted on your details. My prayers are with you. Do not hesitate to comer here for support - THESE WOMEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING!
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Thank you--thank you---thank you...I will continue to update as this journey continues on. Trying to stay brave. I say lots of quiet and silent prayers and hope for the best and will always continue to forge ahead to get past this.
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Whenever i was feeling anxious before I had my plan in place, i would watch something funny on television (the sitcom Frasier comes to mind). This brought some relief. Look for creative ways to make yourself feel better. Almost five years later, I indulge in chocolate when the urge arises. I also do yoga - the breathing and slow, gentle moves are very calming.
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Godlistens--Thanks for the suggestions! Moving forward day by day, one step at a time and trying to have positive thoughts.
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Good girl! Keep those positive thoughts coming - they will be your strength! I am checking in to be sure you are OK and it sounds like you are!! Don't forget to keep me posted on your appointments......Godspeed!
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Just made an appt to see an oncologist tomorrow afternoon and having all of available info sent there. I didn't want to wait until my BS follow up appt (2/28). Thank goodness I have wonderful friends here who are connected in the medical community here that have been so willing to help me. Since I recognize that I need lots of help, support and comfort through this, I am willing to get those things and accept the help from whomever gives it and wherever it comes from. Thanks for reaching out to me.
POSITIVE THOUGHTS and GOOD KARMA to all!!!!
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My oncologist appt is changed to Thursday since the pathology info isn't all in. So patience is my friend ---- As one of my friends told me whose H has rare form of cancer--- it is a "hurry up and wait" situation and learn to get used to it. I'm trying.
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Something that helped me.....when I was first diagnosed I was scared to death, went to appointments in a fog. I was trying to keep life normal for my kids. I was at a soccer game for my son, but I could not sit with the other parents because they did not know yet. I got up and started walking and got really really mad that I had cancer. I was so angry! Then I decided to use that anger towards the cancer, and fight it for all it was worth. It made me feel better, it was a turning point. I hope you get angry and fight too!
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To be honest, I am pretty mad right now about all of this since this isn't what i had in mind since my youngest child(son) is a senior in high school and my daughter is 21 and a junior in college in NJ. I am doing what I can to channel that anger into positive action. Gathering the troops to win this battle for my life. Happy to find all of the support from all......
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When I was diagnosed, I kept trying to figure out what I did that made this happen. Was it the food that I ate? Was it because I wasn't great at exercising? Was God mad at me for something? Was it some stress that I had in my life? Was my body weak and unable to fight cancer cells? WHAT WAS IT?????!!!! Guess what......NO ONE HAS THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION - so I let all of that go........up into the wind......it is FUTILE to try to figure out why it happens to some and not others. Unfortunately, it has happened to all of us on this message board...and no one knows why. I did not feel sorry for myself, I did not feel angry. The most intense emotion I felt was FEAR and I had to learn how to channel that fear, and make it subside. If you are ANGRY, THAT IS PERFECTLY OK!! You have a right to be angry. No one wants cancer. If you are mad at the cancer, then use that to fight it!! And think about your life six months down the road, when, perhaps, this might be over, and you can go back to what you had before..You will be a changed person for the better. ..Look ahead. Think of a wonderful future with your children and grandchildren. Visualize a beautiful future......then do what you need to do NOW to touch that future!!!
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I am angry but not enough to let it take hold of me and immoblize me. So please don't think that I want anger to rule me. it isn't productive and isn't positve. I am scared and I am fearful but not so much that I am paralyzed. As I have told my family and friends-- it is what it is and now I must go forward. I am getting more and more comfortable with it all .
Thanks for the words of support....
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The waiting is the hardest, as we tend to think the worst. Click on my profile and you will see the timeline from mammogram to today. Each step is a little more info and a little more waiting. Sometimes it feels like it will never be over.
I did not tell anyone except my husband until after the appointment with the surgeon at which I received ALL of the details of my diagnosis (the ER/PR Her2 scores). Then planned my surgeries. My at home children at 14 and 15 (at the time). My two others are 26 and 29. It is a tough conversation to have. I did not want to have it until I knew a little more about waht the future held.
Good luck and keep coming back for support.
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YOu are saying all the right words....I can see that you are gaining control of the situation. Another thought: when I was diagnosed, I didn't have the reaction I thought I might i.e. I had no burning desire to plan a trip overseas, or go hang gliding, or do something I have never done before. THat all seemed silly. What I did desire was to cling to my normal everyday life....my warm cozy home, my caring husband, my very supportive family. THis is all I wanted in the face of a cancer diagnosis - to feel protected in my home, and protected by my husband and family. When I was cuddled up in bed with my husband, I felt safe even though I had cancer. THis was my comfort. The last thing on my mind was being far away from everything I love......Look for the beautiful things in your life, and savor them at this time.
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Lots of thoughts, prayers and love to you Melrose. It's extremely overwhelming in the beginning. I bought a digital voice recorder and took it to every appt with my husband and I. We were both in such a fog for so long (we have 3 small children) that I neither is us could be held responsible for remembering anything, much less details Haha! I promise, it gets better once there is a plan in place and you don't feel like you're just along for the ride
Just remember, YOU call the shots and no one else. If you need something or are confused about something, speak up. We are all here for you. You've found a great place 
Hugs to you Xoxo</p> -
Hi Melrosemlr: I was where you are back in September and if you are impatient like I am, you want things to move quickly. I finished my 35 radiation treatments on January 19th with only minor inconveniences to my regular routine. Thank goodness for these boards and all the wonderful stories that are shared.
I did get me a pink binder when I started this journey and take it with me to any and all doctor's appts, etc. It's so much easier to have all the path reports, test results, doctors notes, etc all together. I even take it when I go out of town since you never know what may come up, after all this breast cancer diagnosis came out of the blue.
It did bring me to my knees but while I was there, I asked God to guide the medical team and help my family cope. It has honestly been harder on my family than on me. My sweet Momma passed away on 12/31/06 from a 9 year battle with lung cancer so I gotta say this was a show stopper.
I came to realize that I needed to be proactive and get all my questions answered before I made any decisions. My doctors really appreciated me asking questions while I was there instead of having to call back. I make my list as I thought of the questions I needed to ask. Some were very simple but ones that I believed were important. The worst thing is the not knowing.
Once you know the whole picture, you can make a decision that is right for YOU. I also found that our local breast cancer support group is just what I need, those women have been through a lot more than I have and they are still smiling and take the time to support me. My family, friends, former classmates and even high school teachers have followed my posts on Facebook and have kept me so lifted up in their prayers that I don't think my feet touch the ground!
I went to see my RO today and got a N.E.D. (no evidence of disease) report! Last week I saw my family doctor for regular check up and all is well. I saw my MO last month and all was well. Hopefully, I'll just have to go for more frequent checkups than before but I like that, I like having that "warm fuzzy" feeling.
God bless you and your family!
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Looking forward to the day that I get that NED!!!! Until then, patience has become a friend to me. I have to go through part of my journey to get there. The calming words of loved ones, friends, everyone here makes all of this a little easier to handle. I have a few days to get ready for my 1st visit to the oncologist. Thanks to this community and family and friends, I will be prepared with my questions and notebook in hand ready to hear the facts of my case no matter what it is. I appreciate each blessing and kind thought I've received here. It means more than each of you know.
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It sounds like you are managing things better Melrosemelrose, I know it isn't easy and you will have days where you want to pull your hair out or dong someone on the head and you will have days you are that centred it is almost spooky- we are here for you no matter what; make sure you get written answers to your questions because walking into your specialists office is always very stressful on your body/yourself though you may or may not realise it so it makes it harder to think clearly! Remember don't go in assuming the worst either for nothing is written in stone!
I wish you luck and strength in everything you do and hope to here more of how you are going dear one!
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Brain numb at first, that is a good way to put it. I remember. As you have found, pretty soon the plan begins to formulate. I have a little blue notebook that goes everywhere with me. I am not organized and had no real memory then, but the notebook kept me together.
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THANKS!!!! I've been working on the question list & notebook for tomorrow's visit and gathering all of the courage and strength I can. My husband is going with me so we will continue to walk this path together. Sending HUGS to all!!!
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Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Let us know how it goes. We are all rooting for you!
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Thank you!!!! I picked up the partypics (aka mammos & US films) today for my appointment tomorrow. I also went by the BS office and was given the prelim pathology report but have opted to leave it in the envelope for now. Yes, I'm a scaredy cat but would much rather sit down with the oncologist tomorrow so she can explain things to me. Everything will be revealed all in due time and not wanting to be in a hurry and frantic. Staying positive and as calm as I can. Thanks for checking up on me.
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Thinking of you today.
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Good Morning to you!!!! Today is a good day because I will find out more info. Gathering all of my inner strength to walk through the oncologist's office door so I can learn what that nasty thing they took out of me was and my future treatment plan is. I have had my down moments but gosh who wouldn't. So glad for all of the loving hearts who are supporting me and helping hold me up. HUGS to all and sending good thoughts and positve karma to all.
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UPDATE-- Had a visit with the oncologist and also met with a new BS. Unfortunately, not all of the pathology is complete but enough to map out what is to come for my body. It is what was suspected-- intracystic cancer. The future holds an MRI asap and more surgery to examine nodes and get a clean margin (which means a lumpectomy or masectomy), chemo and radiation plus followup hormone therapy. I guess you could say I get the whole package here. So it is what it is and at least I know more than I knew earlier today.
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I know it is hard to think of all that, but I know I was calmer after I had a plan in place. Good luck, know others are wishing the very best for you.
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Thanks..... Just having met with the oncologist today has made me feel better since I now know what is next. It has been better for me to have received information in what seems to be for me just enough amounts that haven't been too overwhelming. Since I had an idea of what type of cancer I had before I went to see the oncologist and breast surgeon helped and had prepared myself for what I might here. Thank you to all for the words of encouragement and support.
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Glad to hear you have a plan, or the beginning of one. I know that made me feel better too!
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The plan is not an easy one but here is the bottom line--- there is a treatment so I take that and move forward. I have more tests( MRI, bone, CAT, whatever else they can think of) plus lymph node biop and additional surgery to get that clean margin. After that, it is the full works ( chemo w/ target therapy, rad, hormone). Every test reveals more about the cancer which is good and can only help the cancer docs and me get the plan more settled. During the past three weeks, I have done everything I can to get answers to painful questions about that cyst and what to do. There has been no delay here --- just continued progress. Thank you for keeping up with me and thinking of me.
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You sound like me....I just wanted the information so I could make the decision with my husband and the medical staff on what treatments, etc. would be best for me.
I felt like I had got the wind knocked out of me when I got the diagnosis of breast cancer. After many meltdowns, I just wanted to get started so I could get finished.
I had my lumpectomy, sentiel node biopsy, radiation treatments and now generic Femara for the next 5 years. So I've been able to put check marks by all but one and that's gonna be a while since I just started the generic Femara on January 20.
I do still have a meltdown from time to time but I think I deserve it! My journey started on August 29, 2011 and I'm one day closer to the end! I've had my first follow up with my MO and RO and will see them again in May....till then I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee!
This has been a speedbump not a roadblock for me and I know it'll be the same for you!
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