January 2012 chemo
Comments
-
I really agree with what has been said! I have to battle with myself all the time. It seems everyone around accepts that I am not at 100% functioning level. But I have a hard time accepting that. Even though I am back at work, it is with very accommodating co-workers and boss. Even my students 'understand' to a degree. I had a young lady approach me on Thursday to let me know the word has been put out that any student giving me a hard time will not be tolerated. I thought it was pretty funny since she is one of my thorn in the side kind of kids. I do appreciate every one's concerns, but I don't know if I want them. I feel like a sick person.
I had my 4th and final AC tx yesterday. I was seen by the NP before tx. We had a nice talk about how I was feeling. I described my overall feeling as though my entire body is upset with me. She said is was pretty upset with what is going on and that it should be upset. AC is poison and very difficult to tolerate. I felt a little better. She also reminded me that the effects could be cumulative. So next weeks should be loads of fun!
-
Oh WOW. I'm one of the ones still working, but like Janetanned it is with a lot of accommodation from my university workplace. I am not academic staff but work in a research unit and my job is administrative. I have been set-up to work from home if I need to. They have provided me with a parking space for 6 months. And I am lucky that I have union mandated 50 (yes you read it right) sick leave days a year that I can use when the normal amount in Australia is 10/year.
I am struggling like everyone else appears to be. The first round I took 3 sick days and worked from home 2 days and then was back at work and back doing my exercise. This second round I've taken 5 days sick, worked from home about 4 days and it took me over two weeks to start exercising again.
When I'm not working I'm lying on the couch watching mindless tv or sleeping - I sleep a lot :-( I'm due the final FEC on Thursday and am thinking that it's obviously just going to be worse than last time if it goes ahead. Not sure that it will as I had bloods the other day and my liver function levels are way high which is a big concern.
Last week I cried a lot. This week I seem to be emotionally numb - I think I'm too tired to even cry. This sucks. Big group squeezy hug to everyone... Jenn -
Finally finished reading all the posts. I felt pretty lousy after AC #3 - chemo sick is a great way of explaining it. It's now day 10 and I actually feel good enough to move around the house and do a few things. I'm going to try to go to work on Tued & Wed, but I've had another bout of low WBC - it was .46 (yes, less than zero) on Thurs, and then 1.43 on Fri. My MO was happy that it was on it's way up, but she said between that and my low RBC, it's why I'm feeling like crap all of the time.
My hand/foot syndrome has been a bit worse this time, too. I actually had to ice my feet one night and last night, I had DH put cold cloths on my feet so I could finally go to sleep!
This thursday is my final AC - I'm dreading it as well as looking forward to it. I can't wait for this to be done!! MY MO told me that Taxol will be much, much easier. I'm so ready for this to be done. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!
-
DonnaDS The second wasn't as easy. The day after the infusion I went to work and by the afternoon I was running a fever - about 101.5. Since my wbc was fine the day before the dr. wasn't too concerned but now I don't know if I had a reaction to the chemo or I had picked up a bug. I stayed home the rest of the week. I had a lot more nausea with this one. The meds took care of it. My hair started falling out big time also. I also found walking up and down the steps at work difrficult this time. Now I am going into week three and feel 100% better so this will be my good week coming up and then here we go again for tx #3.
I got my wig fixed up by my hairdresser last night. I love the wig and it looks very nice but after wearing it around a while I couldn't wait to get it off. It was hot and seemed to push on my ears. I will try it again but I think I am going to be mostly a scarf girl - much more comfy.
-
Me two, Char, me two.
The chemo nurse said taxol will be easier in some regards. Digestive tract problems will be much less. She did frighten me a bit with possible, immediate reactions. Kinda scary! NP said to ,look for other SEs, such as hand and foot problems. She said I might get sores on hands and feet. Neuropathy is something else to watch for. If not addressed it can become permanent. Not ok! She wants to hear right away if this SE shows up.
-
Janetanned - I'm nervous about neuropathy because I have hand/foot syndrome on the AC. The chemo breaks the tiny capillaries in the hands/feet causing them to be really sore. So far, I've only had problems with my feet, but they get so painful it hurts to walk across the floor. And they are hot. I had to ice my feet one night and had to have cold cloths on them last night in bed. My MO said this is in uncommon SE. Lucky me.
I'm an editor/writer/graphic designer so I'm on the computer all day - I don't know what I'll do if my fingers don't work!! I'm the main breadwinner in the family. DH works but he only makes about 1/2 what I do.
-
Char - The NP said if the neuropathy got bad, they would reduce the taxol and possibly stop using it. They want to know if I experience any reaction to taxol. It sounds like reaction can be common? It is scary. While my job does not involve using my hands much, I sure don't want to deal with more problems in my life!
-
Neuropathy Gloves ~ Since I have had the sensitive fingers for 6 weeks now, I wear the Fleece-micro cheapy gloves you can get almost anywhere-the one size fits all. They give you a little cushion/bounce/shock/absorber protection to type with and do other stuff that is sensative. If my nails are to long I'll bust through...but hey they are about $5.00 and I can't sew anything right now. Just a thought since some of you could be looking forward to this. Tight Socks with tight slippers or sneakers help no sliding in slippers or socks...basically no friction on the feet and I can walk no problem. Oh and at Sloan I met a girl on Taxol now, after finishing the AC and she is on Lyrica from the Taxol, don't be afraid to ask if it comes down to it, If god forbid and cancer is not completely gone on the AC, Taxol is what stops the cancer cells from being able to divide...and the remainder will then die. Sloan doesn't even offer AC without the T, they feel it doesn't work to it's full potential without the Taxol. I'm still moving forward with the T, that's my plan, even with my problems.
Big (((HUGS)))
Barb
-
Good to know there are ways to deal with the taxol! Thanks.
-
I notice the cumulative effects of the AC (3rd tx was last three days ago). I am tired, irritable and crankier than usual - so much unlike my pre-tx self that it's disturbing to me. But I know this is temporary. So I cry when I need to, I feel sorry for myself from time to time (in private usually), and I just try to make it through another day. I pray Day 10 will life me from this sh*t, but I'm not counting on it.
What's been hardest for me lately has been the number of people who call me "inspirational" - for doing treatment, for continuing to work part-time, for continuing grad school. I don't feel inspirational; I feel like a fraud!! If only they could see how un-inspirational I am / feel, they'd probably blow me off. There is nothing special about me; they would do the same, I have no doubt, in the same situation.
If I haven't said it lately, thanks to each and every one of you for being here; for listening, for advising, for sharing, for being a sister in this battle. I always feel so safe here, and I don't have to *explain* anything - I feel normal.
-
Nancy I'm on day 11 of my third AC. 5-8 were hell. 9 was a little less than hell. 10 and 11 have been quite good...not as good as last time but I've been able to get things done. My daughter is coming to visit tonight from the USA and I've been getting ready for her. Clean a bit. rest a bit clean a bit rest a bit.
Peggy
-
HELP! I waited too long to do the short haircut. I had an appointment scheduled and cancelled when I felt sick. Now, it's set for this Tuesday. Last night, sleeping, my head hurt....like if I bumped it hard against a door or something. As I changed positions, I tugged at some hair just for the heck of it and it came out.
Do I even have time to have a short haircut for a while or do I just go ahead and buzz it all off? I thought I was ready for this but find that I'm not. Once again, tears have been shed.
NancyB: I'm with you. I'm tired of hearing how 'inspirational' I am.
Well, when all those people get done telling me that, they get to ...log off, hang up, go home...back to their normal cancer free life and "pray for Karen, think of her" etc. but their life is normal. I'm mad as hell at the world right now and I'm jealous as heck. I don't want to be an inspiration. I wanted to work till June, retire and move to a warm beachy climate. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.
-
NancyHB and Fldreamer: I so hear what you're saying. Yesterday I hit some sort of emotional bottom on all this. I felt close to a breakdown, as if I started crying I wouldn't stop. Not sure why that would happen at this point, but it felt overwhelming. I think this has been such a rough week and I'm not sleeping enough and, and, and. My third AC is coming up Wednesday and that thought makes me ill.
It's amazing how in a few short weeks our lives can become so different. I too envy those who simply get up and do whatever they want to, seemingly with endless energy. I can hardly believe that was me just a little while ago. It's challenging to remember that I'll be that way again. I'm really holding out hope that the SEs with Taxol will be more manageable, or at least more predictable. I have a book launch scheduled for March 22, the day after my first Taxol treatment, and I'm afraid I'll fall on my face in the middle of reading from my new novel. I then have publicity stuff lined up over the following weeks.
I'd love to hear from any of the Taxol women on how their energy levels are.
Annie -
NancyHB, Fldreamer - I am also sick of hearing "you're doing great!" And my favorite - "You look great." My SIL stopped over last night for a visit - she gave us a 5 minute warning. She told me how great I looked. After she left, I went into the bathroom and happen to glance at myself in the mirror - I looked like sh$t!!! I had no makeup on, my left eye was red from petting my cat (that I'm allergic too). I know my SIL was trying to be nice, but I wish she hadn't said anything about how I look.
-
FLDREAMER That is how my hair started also. I had it cut short on a Tuesday and by Friday there wasn't much left. Now it is 2 weeks and I am practically bald. I cry every time I look in the mirror.
I am tired oh hearing how well I am handling things as well. But they mean well so what can I do.
CharB22 - I cant stand the "you look great" either since I know I don't. I would rather they just say nothing.
Gayle
-
I love that "You look great" bit! I usually get it at work on a morning that I've taken the steroid. My face is flushed (unnaturally) and my eyes are glassy and watery (eye liner and mascara smudged) and I'm jittery. I just look at the person and say "its the steroids talking". The only person at work who feels she can say it like it is, is our social worker. She'll pull me aside and tell me that I should take a break, that I look exhausted. She notices if i'm hunched over or walking slowly. She also encourages me with good insights into how I'm taking care of the disease. I really appreciate her gentle honesty.
I'm feeling envious of others too. I think I might be taking it out on my poor husband. He has been so good. I pulled the 'you aren't the one with cancer' line on him yesterday. He gives me my neulasta shot every Saturday. I didn't tell him when I wanted it, so he got a little impatient and asked if he should guess when I needed it. I lost it. Told him that he wasn't the one getting the shot and I'm the one who should be upset not him etc............ I got all teared up. It wasn't fare of me at all. I know he is going though this with me and he really feels my pain. He also fears the unknown in our future. I just feel a little bit jealous that he can just walk away from cancer.
I know nothing will ever be back to what normal was. I just can't wait to get to what a new healthy normal will be.
Peggy - You must be so excited to see your daughter! And I'm sure she can't wait to visit. My daughter, young as she is, has been such a support. She takes me away from bc. She comes home every two weeks to hang out. She says it is to get away from her roommate and to sleep in her own comfy bed, but I think she is just checking in. We laugh a lot together. She's a good kid!
Karen - you should probably just buzz it off. Even the hair that was left when my husband shaved my head annoyed me for days. I kept running my hands through it until it all fell out. Now I just have a peach fuzz covering. I'm actually getting used to the wigs, so its gotten easier to handle the bald look. At home I go 'naked'. I wear a scarf if I'm staying local and a wig if I'm going anywhere for a long period of time.
-
Had 4th and final A/C on Tuesday (today is Sunday). #3 was by far the worst. #4 I am mostly tired, but not nearly as nauseated. Only needed 1 nausea pill so far this time. But I am mean and nasty. Does anyone else get like crazy coming off the steroids? I just get mad at everything and everyone. I finally realize it is steroid withdrawal.
Not looking forward to Taxol for 12 weeks, but sure hope it is better than A/C. Hang in there ladies. You all inspire me. I know I am not alone, and your posts help so much. But it still feels like a very lonely journey, doesn't it?
wow, I took "my other life" for granted!
-
Denise - I know that feeling. I hate the steroids!. My next treatment is 4dd taxol. I am supposed to take 5 steroid pills the night before and morning of tx. How crazy is that? I'm not looking forward to it! But I know I'm halfway through, so must continue. Will you be getting a neulasta shot for your taxol txs? I don't see it mentioned on my meds schedule written out by the NP during chemo school.
-
Denise,
I read some of your blog posts. You are a very insightful, eloquent writer. Thank you for putting into words what most of us are either thinking or feeling. Hoping your second week after treatment is better for you before jumping on the taxol train. I am a fellow triple positive and will be right behind you after my 4th/final A/C this coming Tuesday.
Brooke
-
Just wanted to let you know about my sister and Taxol. She just had her 7th Taxol on Friday and she said she just feels a bit tired for a few days, she also feels a bit of joint pain, some neuropathy, and usually by Monday she has a few mouth sores. She did say that it is so much more doable than the A / C. I have my 4th A/C on Tuesday and I can't wait to get it over with!
-
ely,
I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Hoping for a good 2 weeks post A/C for both of us. My heart goes out to you and your sister. I can't imagine having cancer and then going through chemo at the same time as a loved one. Good luck on Tuesday.
-
I just had to share a piece of wonderful news...
My sister has lived in Alaska (I'm in Michigan) for 15 years. Somehow, my family was able to smuggle her in this evening (via Southwest, of course) for a 10-day visit. We haven't seen each other in about 4 years - it's expensive and time-consuming to travel. But she came to visit me, and I am overwhelmed with joy right now. I just had to share some good news for a change. xoxo
-
Hi all,
Last wrote on feb 10, 2 days before my 3rd infusion.
Today I am 7days past that and coping a bit better.When I went last week I explained to my onc ( a female)how bad things had been for me. She explained that often the chemo drugs can dampen down other pain issues, like the ones I have OA, RA FM etc and then sometimes the chemo drugs work in reverse, which they have done for me.
Now I realise that's what happened, is all the pain from the other things I have went into over drive , no wonder I felt sooo bad and in constant pain. Chemo was cut back 25%, no pain since... what a relief. Still feel tired, yukky, having nanna naps every day, etc but much better than before. Plus she has told me no taxatore as my body would not be able to stand what it does. I must admit I am so glad about that as after readng up on it I was pretty scared about how I was going to cope. She assures me that having got all the lump with clear margins ( ie taking the breast) and no node involvement that cutting down the chemo dose is ok. So gotta say living without 24 hour migraines is am improvement .
My husband and I have also been reading other threads about diet, not that we have done any thing to change things, but we would like to juice our vegies and fruit, have the jucer, not sure if we have the will though. Getting some books out of the library tomorrow so w'ell see.
Hope you are all feeling of if not heaps better on this sucky journey
Lynne
-
NancyHB - How wonderful. Enjoy your visit.
-
Nancy - what a lovely surprise!
Lyn - glad to hear from you! And happy that your onc listened to you and was able to address your challenging SEs :-) Does that mean you're finished chemo now?
Jenn -
Nancy - That is such great news! Enjoy every last minute of this visit! My sister moved to California a few years after my mom's passing (30yrs). While we talk on the phone monthly, we haven't visited in years. She had her own battle with BC about 6 yrs ago and has been a wonderful support to me. The phone is good but in person is so much better. I'm so happy for you!
Lynne - Yay for Drs listening to you! No more chemo? The juicer sounds interesting. I know I will be looking at everything I do now. Diet and exercise are my two big areas to change!
-
Thanks, all. We're going to suprise my parents today (they don't know she's in town). I am learning that every positive experience right now helps negate the caustic effects of the chemo, and my heart is so happy right now that I can live with the galloping heartbeat. :-)
Lynn - thank goodness your doctor was willing to listen to you. I am so sorry for all that you've gone through, but truly glad that things seem to be turning around. I have tried to modify my diet and, in some ways, I have - but am struggling like mad to give up refined sugar. "Hi, my name is Nancy, and I'm a sugar addict." Cookies and candy are my biggest nemesis. My understanding is that sugar fuels tumor growth so I really want to STOP, but the steroids aren't helping much.
My new favorite snack, though - kale chips. Has anyone tried them? Fast and easy to make, tasty as all get-out, and full of lots of good things for us right now.
-
Janetanned: I see that you're taking steroids in conjunction with your Taxol - my onc has told me no steroids with my Taxol tx's. I'm doing 6x dd over 12 weeks. I'll be curious to ask her why I'm not...
-
Nancy - My MO says the steroids are to help deal with any serious reaction to taxol. I was told that the taxol is preserved with a substance that can cause immediate allergic reaction during the infusion. Benedryl is also given. Onc nurse said If a reaction occurs, the tx is stopped immediately and I will be monitored. They might try again in 15 - 20 minutes. Often tx can resume. Sounds scary! My med schedule shows for first tx, 5 dex the night before and 5 dex the day of tx. The second tx shows 2.5 dex night before and 2.5 dex day of tx. Third and fourth tx shows nothing. I guess that will be determined by reaction or not.
No more emend or neulasta it seems. MO says nausea should not be an issue. Aches and pains might be felt. Neuropathy is also a concern and will followed closely.
-
Janet and Nancy - I am on Taxotere and had a reaction on my second tx. It was very scary but the nurses stopped my infusion right away, gave me more Benadryl and Ativan and we were able to restart after about 10 minutes. I was really nervous for tx 3 and 4 but no more reactions so far! I do take dexamethasone the day before, day of and day after tx.
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team