Is There A September 2011 Chemo Group?

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  • cooka
    cooka Member Posts: 278
    edited February 2012

    Yay Kate! Speedy recovery:)  Home Depot has those little burlap carpenter's aprons for less than a dollar that hold four drains (hated those annoying little buggers) and are washable...plus you look handy!

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  • Kimberly1961
    Kimberly1961 Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2012

    Yeah, the drains were a pain in the ass and just gross, but they ARE temporary. Good luck to our girls undergoing surgery or recovering from such.

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  • Kimberly1961
    Kimberly1961 Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2012

    CJRT - A good friend from my childhood was CJ, Carol Jean, but no one ever knew her except by CJ. We have not forgotten you, undergoing the chemo yet, and what that entails.  Punch it right in the nose sister, hard, hard, hard.  It sure desverves it. Like all of us, it is us against it.  Some of you are young and have all the more reason to knock it to the next universe with a killer punch.

    Maybe I am wrong, but have you ever had someone backing you and felt the strength mounting from that? I guess I should not speak for all the older ladies, but I think, send her stength, spare the young'un.  Keep that young mom and child safe. Amen. 

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  • CJRT
    CJRT Member Posts: 524
    edited February 2012

    Kate- So wonderful to hear from you. Hope your recovery continutes smoothly, and you were able to get some rest last night.

    Kimberly- Thank you so much! I have drawn such strength from all of you and especially admire your sense of humor and strength throughout this.  Your words to me and to others have picked me up during some rough times.  I realize I have let the chemo get the best of me emotionally, and I'm working hard to fight through it and to have faith that I will get my strength back and get back to living a full life soon.   I'm finally starting to feel better after this last round of chemo, go for fluids this afternoon for a little pick me up, and find out Monday if I will do my last chemo on Feb. 15.  Again, thank you for sending me all the positive thoughts. 

    I keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers daily and celebrate as all of you move forward. Hope everyone has a great weekend!  

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  • shelley2011
    shelley2011 Member Posts: 199
    edited February 2012

    Kate, prayers and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Hello ladies.  Glad to be here tonight.  Gotta admit I'm a little down but it doesn't have anything to do with my BC.  It has everything to do with my oldest daughter.  I am pretty sure she is back into the drug business and it is just tearing me apart.  My whole family is just up in arms over this but we can't do or say much to her or she will just disappear and I can't let her do that with my babies.  I am currently trying to keep my grandson with me as much as possible because he is in school (pre-k) and needs to be in bed by a decent hour.  When he is with her, no telling what time they come home.  The other night I threatened to come find her and get him because it was getting late and he needed to be at home and in the bed.  She keeps the baby with her most of the time (she's 22 months old) because I just cannot care for the both of them together.  It just wears me out.  She's let me know in no uncertain terms about it too.  To say I am broken hearted is just not strong enough.  Her hours have been cut at work because she couldn't get there on time.  She has let the insurance on her car lapse.  She didn't pay the babysitter this week because I'm sure she didn't have the money.  But yet, she keeps the road hot running back and forth to her dope buddies.  You may wonder how I know all this but we live in a small town.  Everyone (most everyone anyways) knows me and knows her.  So I find out lots of information whether I want it or not.  Please pray for me that I can get through this as well as the rest of my treatments for BC.  I have made it very clear to her that if she returns to prison (she's been there twice already) that she will NOT get her children back.  I intend to file for custody and not some papers the prison sent me last time.  I intend to sue her in court for permanent custody of my grandchildren.  That way she will have to SUE ME to get them back.  Something that I know she will never be able to do.  If she does go back to prison, she will  have to serve the remainder of her 15 year sentence.  That equals about 12 years.  Kids will be grown by then!

    I am so sorry to vent about family issues but I am just so hurt by all of this.  Thank you for listening.  There's really nothing anyone can do but I do appreciate each and every one of my cyber friends.

    Here's hoping the rest of your weekend is as wonderful as each and every one of you!

    HUGS!

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  • Kimberly1961
    Kimberly1961 Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2012

    RJ- That's a painful and heavy load to bear, but the children are innocent and do need protection and stability, as much as the world can offer.  That's a lot on your shoulders. You have always impressed me (and probably all of us) with your strength, but I know sometimes you have to shake your fist and say "This is too much." I agree.  Feel free to vent.  I think if you scraped just a little below the surface you would find 99% of people have emotional turmoil and difficulty in their families.  Cancer is pretty much like the cherry on the sundae.  Holding your hand pal from way up here.  I don't know how it helps that someone knows what you are going through besides yourself, but it does.  A worry shared is a worry halved?  Oh, well, Vent away.  Probably a lot of us are familiar with the problem in one way or another, our children, our parents, ourselves.

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Thanks so much Kimberly.  I'm just playing the waiting game right now.  I will just have to wait and see what is going to happen.  But at least I have a plan and will act upon it if and when the time comes.  My job at the convenience store was going to let me come back on Monday nights but I declined right now.  I just feel like I need to be here as much as possible so I can at least take care of my grandson.  He needs stability right now and it is apparent to me that I am the only one willing and able to provide it.

    Thank you so much for letting me vent.  It just makes me feel better to get it off my chest.  Now I can just continue to get well so I can face whatever is going to happen with her.

    HUGS!

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  • Kelliregi
    Kelliregi Member Posts: 138
    edited February 2012

    RJ - You are such a strong, amazing woman. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with your daughter and drugs. I'm also glad to hear you will fight for your grandkids. I would do the same thing. The little ones need and deserve love and stability. It's heartbreaking that your daughter would put you and her children in this position. Vent as much as you need. We are all here for you.

    Sending hugs. xx 

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  • CJRT
    CJRT Member Posts: 524
    edited February 2012

    RJ- Praying for you, your daughter, and your grandkids. I echo what Kimberly has said about being in complete awe of your strength, faith, positive attitude, amazing way you juggle everything...I could go on and on.  This group is definitely a wonderful place to vent.  I can only imagine how difficult this is for you, but what an incredible thing you are doing for your grandkids, especially your grandson, giving him security.  I have spent years working with kids who have been exposed to trauma of all kinds, many of whom have been separated from their parents for various reasons.  I can tell you that kids are incredibly resilient, and the gift of you being in their lives will go a long way to offset some of the terrible position their mother is putting them in. 

    I know that doesn't make the concrete aspect of how draining it is to juggle all your work, treatments, and little ones any easier. I know you said you live in a very small town, but I am wondering if you have any resources available to you to assist you with some of conrete day to day stuff.  I know we have some programs around here that pay for a certain number of hours of babysitting per week and have a free "drop and play" on Saturdays. Maybe a social worker at the cancer center might be able to find out about that type of stuff so you don't have as much of the physical drain, espcially while going through the BC stuff.

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way... 

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  • daintyBamf
    daintyBamf Member Posts: 20
    edited February 2012

    Hello again ladies! I haven't been on in forever. After we moved into the new place, the holidays came and everything was a rushed blur, lol. The good part is that chemo is over and I was able to have my mom, dad, and brother here in Germany for Xmas and New Year's with our family :D 

    I will now be having double mast. on Feb 24, and am looking forward to what I am calling Project New Boobs. I love the surgeons and I am scared of the recovery, but my BIL will be here to help with the kids while DH is at work. My friends have signed up to bring meals for 2 weeks. I am overwhelmed by the generosity of people. 

    I am still waiting for true signs of hair growth. My last treatment was Dec. 27 and I still see nothing much. A bit of nubbies on my eyelashes, but hair/head looks the same. I am trying to be patient. Not so good at that, hee hee.

    I hope all of you are well and wanted to just stop in and say that I think of you all often and pray for your continued healing as we move forward in this journey! :)

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Good evening ladies.

    Kelliregi:  Thank you so much for your comments.  I am just so hurt beyond belief.  This time I really believed she was going to make it.  Now I'm just not so sure.

     CJRT:  Thanks so much!  Fortunately, my best friend and her husband stepped up when my oldest went to prison and my grandson was only 6 months old.  They kept him and helped me raise him.  And at that time I had 4 jobs.....yes 4!  It was summer time and I was driving the bus, working in my office, working at the Shell on the nights that I wasn't umpiring!   Whew!  Well, needless to say, I retired from umpiring after 27 years.  I just couldn't do it all and spend time with him.  I also cut back on hours at the Shell.  It wasn't perfect, but it worked for us.  None of us wanted to see him in foster care.  So one night she said, "You're keeping him and we're helping you."  Just like that!  Now that's what I call friends.  They still keep both kids but my daughter pays them.  Of course, grandson is in school now.  And now he stays with me on the nights I don't work and I take him to the babysitter at 6:00 a.m. when I leave for radiation.  Just can't trust him Mom to get him up and take him to school.  Just sucks!  And fortunately for me, one of my good friends works for the Department of Human Services and has the inside scoop on lots of programs.  She's in quality control.  So at least I know she will know which direction to point my in if and when this happens.

    Other than my sucky home life right now, I am doing okay.  Both doctors (onc and RO) said I was doing extremely well and that I looked fantastic.  My RO did give me some Aquaphor as I am having some peeling and skin irritation underneath my breast right in the fold.  I did have to go back to wearing my sports bra because my underwire just hurt too badly.  It was much more comfortable but I don't like the uniboob look!  LOL!  Oh well.  Right now I'm taking comfort over looks.  My onc also drained the site where my port was.  I had a little accumulation of fluid there but when he drained it there was no sign of infection.  Now my left side is flat again and it doesn't look like I have a third boob trying to grow!  LOL! 

    Here's hoping each and everyone of you have a great day tomorrow.  Thanks so much for letting me vent.  I can't do much of that around here at the moment and it's just nice to "say" what I want to say without fear of losing my grandbabies.  Thanks to all of you for being there for me.  I don't know what I would have done without you!

    HUGS!

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  • CJRT
    CJRT Member Posts: 524
    edited February 2012

    Well ladies, in a very anti-climatic appointment with my oncologist, I was told today that I was done with chemo.  She said that her job was to "keep me alive" and that no good would come out of having the final chemo.  She gave me all the reasons that I should be confident  that we are doing/have done everything possible and that we are being more aggressive than she would normally recommend because I am young.  My family and other treatment team members all agree with her, but I know I will second guess things either way because that is my nature and because this BC has made me more obsessive. So, I am now onto Herceptin alone and will be starting Tamox. in 2 weeks.  Not looking forward to the Tamox. side effects but very glad to let my body start healing from chemo. Hope everyone is doing well.

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  • khegidio
    khegidio Member Posts: 100
    edited February 2012

    Rj: I am so sorry you are having to deal with your daughter and her personal issues right now. This is not the time. I am so sorry she does not realize that you need her right now and that she should be there for you. I am glad you are fighting for your grandchildren. They deserve a good home.



    Well there are a lot of updates for me. I did get released from the hospital on Sunday. I spent an extra day in there because I had a few fainting spells. The first time I fainted I was walking in the hallway and I fell straight back. I had such a knot on my head. I fainted two additional times but thankfully my sisters were wi me both times and I did not fall. They managed to get me seated. So it turns out my fainting was due to my hematocrit levels being so low. They said I could have a blood transfusion or go home and let it repair itself by taking iron and eating more protein and just being very careful when I get around. I decided to go home.



    So I have been home and I have been very careful. I have not moved without someone by my side. I am healing well... Moving around well.... Sleeping well. I had 6 drains, two of which were taken out. 4 to go. I had a follow up appt with my PS yesterday and he said all looks good. Next follow up appt is next Monday unless my drains are ready to come out earlier than that.



    Finally, my pathology report came back. I am cancer free! My left breast tissue was analyzed and clear. My right breast the tumor was fully removed. It had shrunk due to the neoadjuvant chemo treatment. The margins were all clear. They moved 3 seminal nodes and 16 auxiliary nodes. 2 of the 3 sentinal nodesvwere positive (which we knew) and 1 was negative. All 16 auxiliary nodes were negative. This means that the cancer did not spread to the auxiliary nodes and that the likelihood of it having spread to other parts of the body is very low.



    So yesterday was a very emotional day for us and I guess I am considering it my cancerversary. I found out I was cancer free on 2/6/2012!!!!

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  • mags20487
    mags20487 Member Posts: 1,591
    edited February 2012

    khegidio---happy happy happy for you!  Cancer free is music to my ears.

    rj--wow.  You are amazing.  hang in there.  I hope it gets better with your daughter.  You are doing the right thing for you grandbabies.  Your strength and character will see you thru.  Vent anytime about anything .   We are here to listen!  Love and hugs.  (see ya on the jan rads board too)

    Maggie

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Evening ladies.  Things are going pretty well around here.

    khegidio:  So happy for you!  I love it when I hear someone is cancer free!  Dancing with NED is awesome!  Please be careful!  We don't want you to be fainting like that!  I know that was scarey.  Take it easy and ask for help when you need it!

    Mags:  Thank you Mags.  I'm going to hang in there for all I'm worth cause my babies deserve it.  Radiation is going pretty well and going by pretty fast too.  I can't believe that I'm already in week #5.  Only 11 more treatments to go and I will be done!!!!  Can't wait!  Trying to care for my sore boobie.  It's awful red and the skin is peeling underneath but at least I have some cream now to use.  The nurse told me to mix together 1/2 peroxide (sp) and water and take a cloth and get it went and gently cleanse the area.  Got to do that tonight.  The area where my scars are is getting sore too.  If I can just make it to the 22nd without much more pain, then I will be okay.

    CJRT:  I was wondering about the Tamox side effects too.  I am supposed to be put on that for 5 years also.  I'm very scared of all the SE's I've read about.  I just hope I am one of the lucky ones and can just sail right through it without many problems.  I certainly don't like the possibility of weight gain.  I lost quite a bit of weight about 5 years ago and I really don't want to gain it back.  I feel so much better being 30 pounds lighter!

    Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.  Thanks for being my cyber friends.

    HUGS!

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  • belleeast
    belleeast Member Posts: 653
    edited February 2012

    rj, my heart goes out to you-stay strong for those grandbabies.

    cjrt, it's hard to accept when plans change, sounds like you and your dr have been aggresive,so it should all be good.

    khegidio, glad to hear u are cancer-free,hope your recovery is easy!

    had my first radiation today, during the treatment felt this tingling and warmth sensation. after my breast was hot to touch and was nauseated for 3 hrs, really hope the nausea doesn't happened each time or get worse. between the nausea and feeling really tired, it was a long drive home,thank god, my son drove me!

    i keep saying to myself this too shall pass and it will !!! hope everyone has a great week!!!

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Hi Ladies!

    Belleeast:  Planning on doing just that!  They need me whether anybody else on the planet does or not, they do and I intend to be around a while so I can make sure they are okay.  It just breaks my heart but what can ya do?  The oldest is 32 years old and ought to know better.  But right now it's all about her!  And I have to work tonight so there's no telling what time, or if, they will get home tonight.  I just hate it!

    Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.  Only 10 more rads for me!!!!  Yeah!  I am starting to peel underneath my breast and noticed today my nipple area was starting to peel too.  I will be so glad when this is OVER!

    HUGS to all of us!!!

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  • Kimberly1961
    Kimberly1961 Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2012

    Well, hope Kate has not had any more fainting and her blood counts come back up quick.  Between the chemo, megaperiods, and surgery, well, I think her blood is going to be way happier now that the treatment is over. 

    Don't know when Linda's surgery is planned, but thinking of you still and what a rough road it has been for you.  I am so glad you have such a supportive network of family and friends to help you though.

    RJ - Unfortunately, from my own personal experience, AODA issues are mighty stubborn, resilient, and hard to fix. What a sorrow it must be to a mother of a child with a serious problem.  There is always hope.  Some people do escape. If I were in your shoes, I would be screaming the reality "What if I am not there to look after them?" but I don't think it would sink in enough to effect a change.  So I am just going to wish you continued strength and good health and good friends, I would feel that way anyway, but even more so knowing the little ones need protection.  I'll remember your daughter in my prayers too.  No one ever sets out with the goal of being a drunk or an addict any more than they ask for breast cancer.

    I had a dream last night my hair was back, kind of. I was putting on a scarf and realizing I could put it farther back because I had a couple inches to show outside the scarf.  Part of that dream is that I was riding a weed whacker like a kid doing wheelies on the expresway (used to have a Yamaha 450 as a youngster, not much difference).  I admit to being silly today and running my mascara wand over my head, just to see the effect of color on what has come back.  Then I had to put baby oil on to get that mascara off.  I do not want to dye because I live silver, but during this nubby period with white hair the scalp shows through like a see through t-shirt.  C'mon hair.  You always grew like crazy before.

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Good evening ladies.  Hope you are all doing well.

    Kimberly:  Thank you so much!  The words you spoke are so true.  I guess I am so disappointed because she had done so good for 2 1/2 years.  But now, all the signs are there.  I don't have any real concrete proof, only hearsay but I know.  I've been down this road with her before and believe me the signs are there.  Please continue to pray for my strength  and good health and I really do appreciate all my good friends here in town.  I know they will step up again if need be.  I pray that I do the right thing at the right time.  In the meantime, she brought my grandson home tonight and says she will be back before I have to go to work tomorrow.  We shall see.  My bestest friend and his other caregiver told me if she didn't come home by the time I needed to leave in the a.m. to just bring him to her and it would be okay.  What a great friend I have!  I am so blessed!

    That's so funny about your dream!  I have wondered if I could use the root touch up kit just to see what mine would look like right now.  You are so right about the silver.  I can feel the hair, but where the hell is it?  And why is it not growing like it did before?  I mean, geez!  LOL!  Too funny!

    Only 8 more rads for me! I am so excited. I am finally getting there. I have an appointment with my onc on February 20, 2 days before I end rads. I'm pretty sure he will be giving me the tamoxifen script that day. I just wonder how soon he will want me to begin taking it. We shall see I guess.

    Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow. Please keep my family in your prayers.

    HUGS!

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  • belleeast
    belleeast Member Posts: 653
    edited February 2012

    hi all,

    hope everyone is doing great,2nd wk of rads started! guess what i have nausea with rads. altho ro says it isn't the radiation,i'm like ok-whatever!!! lost 2 lbs this wk, i can stand to lose a lot more so that's ok with me!!!

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  • belleeast
    belleeast Member Posts: 653
    edited February 2012

    daintybam,good luck with your surgery on the 24th. it's good you have a good support system in place, thank god for family and friends!!

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Hello ladies.  Hope you are all doing well today.

    I didn't make my rads appointment today.  We had a touch of winter weather.  Us folks down south just ain't used to no bad weather and I am one of those that just don't drive on it unless I have to.  Well, gonna try it in the a.m.  It's cold, and there may be ice in spots, but hopefully I will be okay.

    Gonna have to go get me a new TV for the bedroom.  I have a TV/DVD combo and the darn thing talks but don't show a picture!  I am so upset!  I haven't had that TV that long.  Well maybe 5 years but I don't think the picture tube should be gone by now!  Anyways, I think I'm going to get a little bigger one.  The one in there now is a 19 inch and I'm thinking about a 26 inch.  At any rate, gotta have my TV!  I watch the morning and evening news in my room a lot and of course my grandson watches cartoons and movies in there.

    Belleast:  So sorry you are having nausea with your rads!  I only have 8 more treatments left and my breast is sore, very red and the skin is peeling underneath the breast in the fold.  All of this stuff didn't start until the 5th week.  I hope you sail right on through and the nausea goes away soon!  How many treatments are you having?

    Things are not great around here but at least we have settled into a routine.  I keep my grandson every night except for Friday.  Fridays she has to keep him because I work on Saturday.  And she did come home this past Saturday morning before I went to work.  So that was a good thing.

    Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow with little or not SE's from whatever treatments you may be getting.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers more than  you will ever know.

    Take care!

    HUGS!

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  • belleeast
    belleeast Member Posts: 653
    edited February 2012

    rj,glad to hear things are settling down for you and your grandson into a routine. i have to have 34 rads, 28 reg&6 boosts. 5 down so only 29 left! nausea doesn't last long,a few hrs. my appetite is gone which is good because the week before rads started when i got my tastebuds back i swear i couldn't stop eating!!!!!

    my children,their loved ones and all 10 grandkids came here tonite. everyone brought food,had a great evening,loud but great!!!

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Good evening ladies.

    Belleeast:  I can so relate to the taste buds!  Isn't it wonderful to be able to taste all that great food again?  I am thoroughly enjoying it myself!  I feel like I'm eating like a horse, but my weight is not reflecting that.....yet! 

    I am so glad you enjoyed a great evening with your loved ones.  Those times are so special!

    I did get a 26 inch DVD/HDTV combo for the bedroom.  Little man is loving it!  Is is a lot bigger than the 19 inch we had.  He is thoroughly enjoying his cartoons in there!

    I have 2, yes thank the Lord, 2 whole breast radiations to do and then I will do 5 boosts.  They measured me today for the boosts.  The RO also prescribed me some sulfadene (sp?) cream for the area underneath my breast in the fold where the skin is just literly falling off.  It is a little painful but I am hoping this cream will work it's wonders.  I hear it is some really good stuff.  So far my energy level has been good, but I did find myself (and the grandson) taking a nap on Sunday that lasted about 3 hours.  I guess we were both just tired. 

    Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.

    HUGS!

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  • Kimberly1961
    Kimberly1961 Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2012

    RJ - Glad you TV is bigger and better than ever.  About the naps...I am still taking a few but nothing like post surgery or during active therapy like chemo.  Glad you are almoooost done with rads.

    My hair is still very, very short, less than 1/2 inch, but I am not wearing any coverings out and about unless it is bitter cold.  I was in the grocery store today and, Hallelujah, there was another one of my kind shopping.  I wanted to hug her and say "What have you got?" But I guessed that would be rude.  It did seem funny with us both in the same aisle.

    Late happy Valentine's to all.

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  • mags20487
    mags20487 Member Posts: 1,591
    edited February 2012

    I know what you mean Kimberly when we see someone else in the Cancer battle out in public.  I have found that we make eye contact and smile at each other.  No words are necessary. 

    Finished #15 of my rads today and "only" 20 more to go.  My skin is broke out in a red itchy rash already and I am more fatigued than with chemo.

    Have been crying today over 3 of my TN sisters who are now losing their battle with this monsterous beast.  It makes my own mortality come back to the fore when I read about this.  I hate the "what if" scenarios that pop up in my head.  When do we ever let that go?  Maybe never. I just know that everyday is a gift and I intend to be grateful for everyday I receive that gift!

    Love and hugs to all.

    Maggie

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  • CJRT
    CJRT Member Posts: 524
    edited February 2012

    Mags- Glad you are almost done with half of the RAD's.  Hope the struggle with the fatigue eases fSorry to hear about your TN sisters.  I am struggling with my own mortality whenever I hear of anyone else going through anything medical...not just BC.  Hope we all find a way to put this into the periphery and go on living in the way that you mention, appreciating every day as a gift.

     Kimberly- It's funny how our perspective changes and a 1/2 inch of hair feels more like an actual "style." It felt so good for me to go out without a head covering when I got some regrowth during my surgery break. Love the expression "one of my kind." I feel that way in the chemo lab and cancer center when I see people 50-ish and younger.  

     RJ- So glad to hear you are at the tail end of your RADs. I know you mentioned Tamox.  I will be starting Monday. Hoping the side effects are minimal. At this point, with all the crap we have done to our bodies and have had to endure, I'm hoping this is just a drop in the bucket. I can hope, right?! :)

     Hope everyone is doing well.

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  • Kimberly1961
    Kimberly1961 Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2012

    Maggie we all fear, do our best to get through treatment, and then wonder what our fate will be.  Llistening to the stories of later stage cancer patients can break our hearts and put fear into us, but it educates us too.  Some people put their fingers in their ears, blinders on their eyes, and refuse to look at what might happen.  We sympathize for our later stage sisters for the truth of their stories.  We learn from them.  We hold hands during this, because the whole trip of having cancer is scary, irritating, and difficult.  No one understands it better at gut level how it feels living it day to day than another of your kind.  I hate to separate people, but sometimes it is good to speak or be heard by people who face the same problems. 

    I love your good attitude to be grateful for today.  In the back of my mind I have that too but then have the fear, how long?  That would be a waste of today.  You or I could be hit by a bus or a tornado or heart attack tomorrow.  It is best I stay in the today. 

    Enjoy every day you wake up.  I say that because I believe that, but I have not been able to shake off this diagnosis from interfering, fear of tomorrow.  I got this from your message, be grateful for today and all its gifts.  OK sister, I will try to put the other fears on the back burner and just look at today for what it is, and enjoy it.

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  • rjbaby69
    rjbaby69 Member Posts: 349
    edited February 2012

    Hello ladies!  Getting closer and closer to the end of Rads!  Only 4 more boosts to go and I will be done.

    One of my bus drivers is very big in the Relay for Life here in our town.  He stopped by my office yesterday and asked me if I would be an illuminary (sp?) at the Relay this year.  He said he wanted me to share my story of my battle with breast cancer. Of course I said yes.  I feel so very honored and grateful to be alive.  I don't mind telling my story at all!  I hope that when I do I can help someone else find the strength, courage and determination to fight the beast.  I also know without the support of my cyber friends, my community and my Lord, I would not have done as well as I did.  I still believe I am here for a reason.  Not sure what that reason is but maybe sharing my story is the reason.  Or maybe trying to give my grandbabies a better life is the reason.  Whatever it may be, I am so grateful to be here.  MAGS, I get scared and worry about tomorrow too.  Everytime I read or hear of someone passing from this damned beast, I hurt inside for them and their families.  It's because I know somewhat where they have been and what they have been through.  I may be strong and determined but I worry too if or when it will come back and will I be strong enough to fight again.  But one of the lessons I have learned is to take each day and live it to the fullest cause I could be gone tomorrow and not necessarily from BC.  I think we all learn to do that.  My heart goes out to you and you will be in my thoughts.

    Kimberly:  I'm not sure if little man loves that TV more or I love it more!  It's so much bigger that I can actually see the screen with straining my eyes!  We are putting it to good use!  I have decided that naps are okay.  I don't have to keep trucking full speed ahead when I am just tired and need a rest.  I've also just about decided to stop wearing my wigs.  My hair is not really that long yet but it is growing and I am so ready to just have my hair again.  I did decide that whether or not it is long enough, when warm weather gets here, the wigs are coming off!  We've had a few warm winter days here and I was was sweating under the wig so bad!

    CJRT:  I am worried about the SE's of the Tamox.  I am hoping I don't have anything bad while I'm taking it.  But I have decided if it is too much, we'll have to do something different.

    On the home front, oldest daughter has been "suspended with severance pay" from her job. In other words (my words) she's been fired. She's still burning up the streets spending that income tax money.  My granddaughter is still at the babysitters and who knows where the daughter is. I told my friend when I got through here in a minute if my granddaughter was still there, I would be over there to get her.  My youngest daughter and I talked today and she thinks I need to see if sister will let me keep the kids here until "she gets settled."  And we all know when that's going to be.  Probably a better idea than just outright trying to take them right now.  That way they will be out of harm's way and oldest can do what she pleases. It hurts me to see all this happening and the oldest doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing.  Parole officer did call her in to sign papers and be drug tested the other day (wonder how she got tipped off to this drama that's going on.....I'll never tell).  She was adamant to the PO that she was clean.  We shall see.  At any rate, my youngest feels like we have a better shot getting them away from this drug induced life if I just offer to watch them "until she gets settled."  We both kinda know she'll be having a large time then.  No responsibilities at all.  I'll let you all know how it goes.

    Keep my family in your prayers and pray that I do the right thing.  I pray every night for the Lord to show me what to do and the strength to handle this mess.

    HUGS!

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