Mourning my perfect breasts. Can I adjust

Yes I had little perky ones too. I was in the best shape ever too when I was diagnosed. Well I just got my tattoos on Tuesday (my birthday). This was the final step in my reconstruction. I look fabulous. Initially I wanted to be the same small size I was but then decided to go a bit larger. I'm glad I did. No PS will ever be able to copy nature exactly so going bigger I'm not comparing to what I had. Even my mom approves of my new size.

Yes we all enjoy how our bodies were but the bottom line is our bodies change all the time. I wan't the thighs I had when I was 20 but that isn't going to happen again and I can't blame that on cancer. This change is a bit faster but even if you keep your breasts, they are going to change over time.

As far a the decision to do a MX or a lump… that's tough. I really didn't have too much of a choice. One had to go and the other would have to of had biopsies every year so it was recommended I do a double (skin sparing with tissue expanders done at the time of BMX). But to be honest I have no regrets.

There is a thread were a bunch of women have had no reconstruction AND are HAPPY with thier decision. So yes there are women happy with their flat chests too.

I sent you a PM...

I sent you a PM, too...

 Absolutely, a second opinion would be great. 

Such a personal choice... I opted for immediate recon w/ TE's and have had problems. I was actually thinking that my problem would be a blessing, as I could see one side with and one without. I thought I would be okay without. I can honestly tell you, I'm not sure if I am. I guess the word is still out on that! I like the side with the TE placed, and now find my biggest worry about being able to make the bad side look like the good!

As for getting a BMX, I found out after surgery that pre-cancer was brewing in the "good" side. I never needed convincing as I did not want to have to live in fear... deal with this cancer once, then move on...  I have no regrets. You have time to figure out what is best. Take the time to think! We are all here for you:)

janet, when you "delayed reconstruction" does that mean not having an implant or not have an expander?  I had expanders in when I had rads.  My implant exchange has gone off without a hitch, thus far.

I didn't know if I needed radiation but my BS was pretty sure I did given the size of my tumor. We still went ahead with TE placement. Ended up I got a pass on rads although in a gray area but the plan was to place the TEs. I don't think they want them filled too much though at my treatment center if you are getting rads though.

Janet, can you get another opinion?  Not placing TE's prior to rads is so 10 years ago.  I interviewed 4 surgeons before I chose my team and ALL of them said that they would do it.  And look at my diagnosis - there was no question that I needed rads.  If I were you, I would be looking to find a different surgeon.  

Janet, it sounds like you really really don't want to have a mastectomy and while you're not keen on radiation (but then, who is?), you feel that it will be easier than a mastectomy.

So why are you even considering the mastectomy?  And even more, why a BMX?  

I had no choice but to have a mastectomy - I had too much DCIS in a small breast and so I had no choice.  I had a single mastectomy (no way I was removing a healthy breast for no good reason) and fortunately I was eligible for immediate reconstruction, which made it easier to adjust emotionally and mentally. Overall I had it pretty easy - no pain, no real problems.  Much better and much easier than I thought.  But.... I do have a number of lingering issues and what seemed like a minor problem in the months or even first year or two after surgery (phantom itching, frequent pec muscle aches) has become really tiresome when it goes on for years and you realize that this may the way it is for the rest of your life.  

So knowing what I know now, having gone through it and having 6 years under my belt, if I were back where I was 6 years ago and I actually had a choice on whether or not to have the mastectomy, I would absolutely opt for a lumpectomy with radiation instead.  A mastectomy changes your body for the rest of your life in a way that a lumpectomy doesn't - removing the breast affects your muscles and results in numbness.  A lumpectomy (even with a misshapen breast) doesn't have the same affect. 

This isn't to say that a mastectomy or BMX isn't the right decision for many women - I know that for many women, it is the best choice.  However my advice is always the same - if you are not sure and not convinced that a mastectomy is right for you, then don't have the mastectomy. You can always change your mind and do it later, but once you have it, you can't go back. 

 Looks like I am the only flat one responding. I too had smallish breasts that even at age 53 were still pretty much upright. I had no option but the mx because my tumor was behind the breast in the chest wall. The other was removed at my request after having several "things" seen there on scans.

  I will be perfectly honest and say naked I am not thrilled with how I look. I think I look like ET. I am muscular thru my shoulders and arms and my chest looks very tiny to me. In clothes however I look no different than anyone else. I wear coveralls for my job so i didn;t need them for that. i have several dresses for dressy wear that also look fine without breasts.  

  I do not regret my decision. I did not even get my foobs (boobs in a box). No bras ever again either. Always such a personal decision. Mine was driven by a Stage IV dx knowing I was probably going to have other sx (didn;t happen) but still I am comfortable with where I am at.

  I wil say i am glad to see floaty peasanty tops are in again this summer. I also swim several times a week and wear regular tank style suits from Lands end that I don;t have to do anything to. I really don;t miss them.

I loved my breasts.  I thought they were my best feature.  Given the choice between lumpectomy and mastectomy, I would have chosen lumpectomy and rads.  Because of multifocal disease, I was not able to have that option but I did delay treatment with tests trying to save my breasts.

That said, once it's done it's done.  I don't look back with regret.  I had no choice.

Be aware of a few things:  with mastectomy your chest will be numb.  You may have shoulder and movement issues, so if you choose that route, be proactive and do exercises.  You may end up with phantom pain - with me it manifests itself as constant itching which is more than annoying.  If you do a lumpectomy, you can still do a mastectomy (check with your insurance) but once it's gone, it's gone.

I did a uni with expander.  I got results that look okay in clothes but not really nude.  Now that I'm Stage IV I don't care but had I not had more important concerns, I might have done a revision. 

The most important thing is to find peace .  You have to know you are doing the right thing.

Good luck to you whatever you decide. 

Edit:  I'm sorry, I didn't see that this was posted in the "without reconstruction" section.  I did get recon, but I'll let my note stand as some of it will happen whatever you choose (like numbness). 

I want to jump in and echo those that say be SURE before you go through with the surgery.  I had to have a MX due to tumor size and honestly, I was devastated by it.  I still cry about it, and my surgery was May '11.  Okay, so I'm crying just writing about it.  It was VERY hard for me to accept and I was given very little support from the docs.  I was 41 at diagnosis, so my friends weren't really much help either, not having much experience with cancer.  I have a very loving supportive husband, a supportive family with a Mom who had a mx 3 yrs ago.  Even with all that, I near had a breakdown over the surgery.  Looking back, I think I really should have postponed the surgery and insisted on some counselling.  All of my "if I had it to do over" thoughts concerning my treatment, center on the MX and all that went with it. 

I also had radiation, and had a difficult time with it.  Lost most of the skin from my underarm over to the middle  of my chest.  In spite of that, I'd honestly do rads agin vs. a MX, if I had the choice. 

Having said all that, the concern of the cancer returning is a big factor too.   At my FIRST "post treatment" mammo, they found another spot, and I had to go through the agony of a biopsy, and waiting for results all over again.  Thinking it through, I'm still glad I didn't do the BMX, because emotionally *I* never could have handled it.  Others are different.  Just be sure before you do the surgery.  You can always do the surgery"when you are ready" but you can't undo it once it's done. 

good luck in your decision--it isn't easy!

Hi Janet - just thought I would add my ideas on this. When I was advised to have both my breasts removed my first thought was that I wanted reconstruction. I was 34F (UK sizes) and very happy with my boobs - they were firm etc even though I am 48 years old. I can honestly say that they were one of my best and most femine assets! I guess I was lucky. So the thought of being 'flat' was awful.

Then discussions with the plastic surgeon revealed complications - I had already had radiotherapy on one side 18 months ago and there was potential for radiotherapy on the other side depending on what they found. I would certainly need a few operations at least. I was devastated at the time. I just wanted one operation - a 'cure all' after which I would emerge with new boobs, walk away and never be troubled by BC again. It wasn't as simple as that. So after a long chat with my son (I am a single parent and my son has just had is 19th birthday) I decided to have both breasts removed without reconstruction. The operation was 8th December. I have not mourned my boobs - honestly- wonderful as they were. They were going to kill me and now they are gone. 

Yes, I have scars etc and when I am undressed I am flat. I like to think of them as battle scars! Now I have nice shapely prosthesis and they are great; under my clothing they look just like my normal boobs. I have entered the world of lovely pocketed bras, undergarments and swimming costumes etc. I am fine and the whole experience has been no way near as bad as I thought it would be.

I had lots of reasons in addition why I chose not to follow the reconstruction route and you can PM if you want. But, at the end of the day it is your personal decision and it is what you feel happy with. I know that I made the right decision for me.

Wishing you the best of luck in whatever choice you make.

Karen X