fed up again

Hi there

This is my second rant of the day doing well aren't I lol?!

Over the years I have donated hundreds of pounds to Breast cancer charities in fact any charities. I am what I call the queen of second hand shops and about 90% of my wardrobe is second hand. I often buy clothes from second hand shops and wear them a few times then re-donate them. I have always contributed to charities and even before DX would buy breast cancer ribbons, sponsor any friends doing any marathons etc for charity. I recently sent my story off to a magazine in the UK where I live. It is a magazine called Full House and is entirely comprised of reader's true stories. It will be published in March which I am delighted about. It's not cos I want to be published, I am hoping younger women (a large section of their readership) who may not think about breast cancer ( I am 35 and I never did) will read my story and be encouraged to check their breast.

Anyway the long and short of it is, the magazine are paying me £100 for having the story published, anyone who gets printed in the magazine gets the same, though they can pay up to £500 depending on the length of the story. Everyone has been saying to me the same thing "I expect you will want to donate that to breast cancer research charity" Well I feel terrible (please don't all shoot me down lol) saying this but actually I want to spend it on myself! I feel like I have been through hell and back and actually wouldn't mind buying some nice feminine nightwear or maybe splurge on some face cream to pamper myself. Is this wrong? I am already planning to throw a charity disco this summer in aid of breast cancer, and have karaoke, food etc all of which I will fund myself, and have lots of raffles and things going on to raise money. I just feel like I shouldn't have to be told what to do with the money. There are all sorts of stories in this magazine, some are like the type of thing you would see on Jerry Springer, I have read of married women with kids having affairs with toyboys. They still get paid to print their story no one says to them they should use that money to spend on their families who they have heard. I guess it just made me angry when people tell me what to do, I wish I could add up the cost to me of trips to the hospital, parking fees there, dressings, skin itching cream for my wounds, special underwear etc I am so fed up!!!