OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid

Okay so what is a para zapper and what are crab rangoons?

And anyone recall how far back the last recipe was? *L*

(page 18)

 EmilyInOntario wrote:

Update...sure hope I got everything...

Cure for Cancer ( NEWER and More IMPROVED)

Have on hand:
73 rolls of Bounty ( due to recent shortage may need to be substituted)
2 joints of "medicinal" marijuana ( may use alternative of 2 asparagus spears. Note: must be dipped in kerosene or won't stay lit)
2 enema bags ( pink, if you can find them)
1 handful of dried sage
1 crackpot ..er crockpot
1 CB radio antenna
1 roll duct tape
1 pair rubber boots
1 roll Tin foil
1 blender
1 huge vat of "special"  Mud ( reserve one cup for oral consumption)
1 bacon bra ( may be special ordered from Meece's Cure-ture)
1 pkg.Starbutts coffee enema grounds ( fine grind)

Snacks aka Cleansing Diet: breadless sandwich, sugarless doritos, sugarless brownies, sugarless pepsi, sugarless alcohol
Note: A recent Scientific Study..see page 6 of this thread..has warned that consumption of bread triggers latent criminal tendencies.

Before starting, please plan to add ingredients below to the pot during a FULL moon. DO NOT use teflon or plastic implements or containers.

Recipe
3 cups pureed asparagus ( hand picked by Franciscan Monks is preferred)
1 cup juice of one organic alkaline lemon
63 cloves of garlic
1 cup alkaline oxygenated water ( blend water until oxygenated and then add 1 tablet alka seltzer to achieve alkaline pH)
Bones of an ANCIENT organic chicken
1 spritz of fungacide
1 road apple ( seasonal variations are acceptable)
1 walnut
1 tsp. olive oil
Eye of Newt
Pinch of sea salt
1 bottle of windex
1 container cottage cheese
1 handful of flax seeds
1 strip of bacon
Note: If you suffer from erectile dysfunction add 1 banana

Simmer the above for 9 days in crockpot until the consistency of paste. Stir 3 times for luck.

Set aside:
1 cup of concoction for enema
2 cups for topical application
1 cup for oral administraction
1 cup for remaining body orifices ( to cover all the bases)

Serve warm.

Instructions:

1.Don your bacon bra DURING A HOTFLASH to optimize crispiness.
2. Roll in vat of special MUD until well coated.
3.Fashion tin foil hat.
4.Don rubber boots and duct tape CB antenna to forehead.
5. WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE ( because we all know our cancer was caused by bitterness) administer asparagus enema while standing on left foot. Hold and repeat " I am cured" 6 times. Expel and then follow with Starbutts Coffee Enema. (Hold the cream and sugar) Do NOT expel.
6.Apply topical mixture while pointing north by northwest. Prepare the oral portion and drink from an old chipped cup previously used by a scientologist. Follow with a chaser of MUD. Light sage and insert remaining mixture into remaining body orifices with a shovel.
After 6 days, expel the enema and then shower ( with the Cure Guy fron NM if possible). Towel off with Bounty substitute and then insert 3 rolls in your pants.

After you have cleaned up, look for your local " Puff for the Cure" event and join in with your asparagus or medicinal pot joints.

Congratulations, you are now cured.

Love this sign that says:

Dear Karma,

I have a list of people you missed.

Veggy....YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! thanks for snagging the recipe! That never gets old!!! LOL

Lulu....seriously awesome thread. I always tell sisters to start at page one....its like a book....it builds, affects you emotionally (so awesome), has lulls, then builds again!!! I might just start at one myself!!!

I'm in tears!!!! Just read the cure again!!! Oh Emily....this will go down in HISTORY!!!

Yes you cluclkers. while you were in the recovery room our DEAR VEGGY, kept things going---then --Then she was steeled away to a bottom place -------------aaaaaaand we had to figure how to get her out-------we got her  out but,  I've forgotten how---- but we did it. Yeah us and yeah Veggy -------------------i  would suggest that we shouldn't Talk of that  place again------------it's like talkingTO DRAGONS.........Reading a series now , the perceive old bones as dragons versus tyrannosaurs Rex

 went to  a super bowl party on Sunday, was  happy I kept my pants up.--------need to buy new clothes------there is nothing worse than baggy pants other than pants falling down.

 The duck didn't die lovey-----------we are all here to say we love you, and please dont't shoot the duck. We have other things to shoot.

 AND for Homeland Security. since we are on you radar now b/c a radar scope is on our site. Please read from page one and wear you tin hats if you want to be part of the group. Thank you and Cluck youohooooooo........brwargh- AND DON'T SHOOT THE DUCK THANK YOU:)

Whats lovely CLUCKERS ---------IS tHE HOMELAND SECURITY IS EXPENDIND SO MUCH TIME -ANAALYZING OUR  WORDS

 I GETS GET CRAZIER IN OUR WORDS -WHICH WOULD MAKE THEM CRAZY. MEN LOVE TO BE BE CRAZY ABOUT WARS, OR SUPPOSITION OF WARS, OR ACTUALIZATION OF WARS their SUPPOSITION WILL BE THAT WE ARE ALL TERRORISTS. It will waste so much Government Money, and they will be ------oh so  about it, and we wil have so many things put in our fillies.OR AT LEAST i WILL-------NAMES I-was almost wiling to give my name-, but now I'm considered a threat b/c I spoke my , I am with Jefferson, Franklin and Adams and the Rest, Should our fight againt terrony------YOU JOKERS GET IT RIGHT ,I REALLY HATE MISSPELLINGS Forgot to say why we are on there radar , it's b/c of the radar thing put on the board as a joke.         Nothing  in the USA is a joke anymore, Our Liberties are gone, the Constitution is gone, we have less liberties than"let say others" I wonder how thick my Hoover file is-----------*&^^%$$$taht's what I think of Hoover and his gang. Yes, Hoover dead, but is surveillance on FREE AMERICAN"S THAT SPEAK THEIR MIND CONTINUES----We are not free, we are surveileeed------------------------Sorry sweet one this is usually a happy/ angry sight--------I was on a rant on free thought ----------thanks women--------------&^%$## men

Oh Emily......do Nilla Wafers cure anything?? I just ate the whole damn box....

What? I had the munchies!!!! LOL

Veggy....oh Veggy....any pics for Nilla Wafers? I seriously have cravings all the time!

puff...o puff....puff puff puffffffff.....puuuuuuuuuuffffff

puff puff pass...

Veggy & VAMom - YAHWHOOOOOO!!!!! Holy crap I should have never asked for photos!!  LOL  I want them all!!!  I woke up and ate Chocolate and Peanut Butter Snack Cookie things ... mmmm.  Seriously, something is wrong with me!!  I use to juice and eat so well ... I'll admit, cookies will blow spinach juice away if they were ever in a battle ... The juice may have a better cholesteral level, but the cookies are probably a lot happier!    Oh...am I actually talking about these things like they have feelings???  Clukin' Coo Coo I tell ya!

Puffing and a passing Mother Cluckers!

OMG you all are sooooooo......funny you have made my day AGAIN...

Oh we should start a list for Karma!!!!!!  

I'd like to take a stab at that ....

Dear Karma ... The bartenders that wouldn't serve me...at all three bars...

Dear Karma, 

The co-worker, who thought I should have come into work when I couldn't stand up from the hip pain (bone scan scheduled next week).  How the h377 am I supposed to get there if I can't stand?