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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

My son & his FIL caused physical injury to my daughter just before Christmas.  My daughter made an offical complaint to the police.  If the two men are found guilty, they risk jail time.

I hate what my son did to his sister & support her in following through on her complaint.

What distresses me is that I might not see or speak with my son before I die.  I'm stable at the moment but know that that might change quickly from reading these boards.  I stay awake at night after having taken two different sleeping pills, I take an anti-anxiety pill in the morning & see a counsellor once a week.  Even with all this support I still cry every day when I think I'll never see him again.

Any thoughts on 'letting go' of this?

Jeannie 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited January 2012

    Awe Jeannie I'm so sorry that your unthinking son is putting this extra stress on you.  I lost my son to stupidity twelve years ago and the only way I could come to terms with that was to realise the choices he made no matter what they were, were his and his alone..................he was an adult.  I had given him the same upbringing as his sisters and I taught him right from wrong but there comes a time when the behaviour of your children is no longer your responsibility.

    I'm sure you have done the same so choices he makes are his to deal with including the consequences of actions taken...........but I hear you on the fact that it is a possibility that you may not see or speak to him again.

    I'm not sure if what I have said will help as I do understand the ties between mother and son, oh yes I do, but I truly hope the consequence of his action does not deprive you of his company.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2012

    Chrissy is right on. He's his own person and has to sleep in the bed he made...and you my darling may be able to find what is right for you...I decided to create a post right here on the boards (its a great place for me and easy to remember) designed to leave little random notes for my girls. So, when my day arrives, there I am.

    Maybe you have something that you enjoy that would help you work through this? Its an aweful position to be put in, but you did not have control over that and you raised him right. Be there for your little girl as she may need her mama! And, her mama may need her too; )

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2012

    Thanks to you both dear ladies.

     Jeannie 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2012

    Jeannie - I've seen this happen too many times.  My mother suffers daily because my brother left her ... not because he went to jail, but because he made the decision to just stop connecting with her.  It's the most painful thing fo rme to watch (she has a terminal illness as well) and there is nothing either of us can do.  I don't think that hurt ever goes away, but I am comfortable knowing that me and my mom are closer than we have ever been and there has to be a reason that this happened. 

    Do you know what you are going to do?  Maybe it would help to just stay connected and walk through this tragedy with the greatest supporters in the world :)

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2012

    Dear Fuzzy, So sorry about your brother.  You're heroic too.  Can't imagine how my QOL would be without my daughter.

     I try to live in the moment but there are moments in which my head is invaded by my need to see him & it's also a physical pain in my abdomen. 

    My daughter is herioc in her support.  She had a twin sister who died from a lung emolism when they were 18.  After I feel the loss of my son, I then feel the loss of this daughter.

    Sometimes, but only sometimes, life stinks.

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited January 2012

    Jeannie I feel your pain, i really do, but at some point in a child's life they must take the consequences for their own actions and decisions.  I know you will miss him as I know you miss your other daughter and I know the visceral pain that comes with knowing that you will  not see them again,  I am there with you in this but your job as a parent is to let them go.  I'm sitting here typing this to you with tears rolling down my face because these are feelings for me that I try not to visit because they are too painfull but it is because I have been there and am still there that I can say this to you.  At this point in your life, you are the most important one and you need to concentrate selfishly on your self to get you through.

    Yes life at times does indeed stink but equally there is much in life that is wonderful.

    Love n hugs.   Chrissy

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2012

    Thanks for your wise words Chrissy.  I know you're right.

    Jeannie 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited February 2012

    Jeannie, please let us know the outcome of all this and how you are coping with it all.  Never forget, we are hear for you, always.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2012

    I seem to have absorbed the shock & stress of the event now & have let him go. Many thanks for all your support you wonderful human beings.

     Jeannie 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited February 2012

    ((((((((Jeannie)))))))))

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