Taxol Chemotherapy

I love my xanax! Helps me to sleep and helps to not freak out for certain appts.

Get tx tomorrow and then only 1 left. Anxious for hair! Losing my eyelashes and eyebrows, but my nails are growing like weeds. I also get sore all over. Mine is more sore to touch in the upper half of my body. Atleast the nausea is a lot less now. Will be taking my steroids tonight and w/out the xanax, I'd be all jacked up and unable to sleep. Will probably have to go to rehab in the future to learn to live w/out the xannies!

I have been thinking-- really-- I have been thinking about something someone said to me-- that my recent tearing up at a few things was "fear" and then, someone else said something about 'fear" and then, someone else...  I stood in almost disbelief because, for me, it is not fear.  I spent a few days pondering if I was  simply  not honoring how I felt but fear  is NOT what I feel.  Then, I realized that it is GRIEF-- grief over what no longer is, whether it is only forthe now or for longer than the now but grief, nonetheless.  

I grieve over knowing that I cannot "expect" a life of ignorance --although that was ripped from me on my 30th birthday by Lymphoma-- that the rest of my life will be filled by an awareness of cancer, and me and cancer.  I grieve because I know that I will face, have faced, things I have done and do that I will not ever be able to do again, at all or with little ease.  I grieve when I go to bed at 8pm and I hear my wonderful son with his contagious laugh in the den and know, that I cannot be there laughing with him.  I grieve when I think of my almost 8 year old Arabian whom I trained as a baby, whom I love almost as much as I love my son who will not ever understand why I don't ride him as hard or as long or as often as I have for all the years of his life.  I grieve at his loss of me. I grieve for my son's loss of his playful energetic mother. I grieve for his loss of innocence.  I grieve for me.

And then, I look at the gift of life --that I have been given a glimpse of my own strength and my own willingness to confront life as it really is handed to me, in all its beauty,  from the sun rising over the mountains, to the nicker when my arabian hears my voice, to the kiss on my cheek and my son telling me how beautiful I am, to life as it is, right here, right now.  I am thankful for all that I do have.

And I am both sad and thankful I am not alone. Thanks to all of you.

Q. 

Well said Q, and spot on. I know I have lost my innocence and grieve over missing my life, the way it was. People don't understand that just because treatment is over, you don't go back like nothing has happened. I liked the old me, and am reminded every time I approach a mirror that I am not the same.

Claire, so sorry to hear about your husband. I can't imagine what you've gone thru.

My DD was dx with leukemia in 2010 and we spent a year at St. Jude watching  her go to hell and back. We almost lost her, but  71 bags of chemo and 80 transfusions later and she's been in remission. I was her caregiver at home, doing things I never thought I'd be able to do. I'm sure you've done the same. I feel as tho that's the point when my family lost their innocence that nothing bad would happen to us. It made my kids handle my dx much easier after what we've gone thru. I am sending gentle hugs and good wishes your way. Some people are dealt a crappy hand, and I feel as tho nobody can truly understand what you've gone thru unless they've walked in your shoes. Stay  strong!

claireinaz, I can't imagine how damaged you must feel. I know it's not the same, but your breast sisters are here for you in any way you need us. Sending hugs your way. You're right, I feel like a cancer survivor twice over. I rationalize my bc by thinking that I'm going thru it so my DD doesn't have to again. Just know you have many shoulders here to lean on!

Q--congrats on finishing taxol!!!! Wooo---hooooo!...but don't leave us. I'll bet there are many women starting taxol and will be looking for information about our experiences with it...and we'll still see you on the Nov. chemo forum too!

I'm anxious to know about your hair re-growth.  Do you have any yet? Do you remember when it started growing if it did during T infusion?  

I'm going in for #5 T today.  Not even halfway there yet.

Claire

So Claire-- we will be getting chemo at the same time maybe???  I am scheduled for an infusion at 2pm....  just think, we can drip together!!! LMBO (laughing my BOOBS off)... oops already off!

Q 

thanks phyllis. here now all druggedup and loopy--not responsible for ANYTHING i shoudl say henceforth....LOL

I will get a 3 week dose of Herceptin today which will add another 90 minutes to the treatment.  sleepy...later gails but come on--where i all the posting disappear to??? 

LOL Quaatsi, that really is smooth!  Hope tonight and tomorrow are SE free!

Hi ladies!

I start Taxol tomorrow, I just finished 4 DD AC which really sucked. I am nervous but hoping that I will get through it okay. 

I really want to be able to go to Clearwater on Saturday to watch my daughter play in her first college softball tournament. She has a full athletic scholarship and I do not want to miss this because of SE. Realistically, what can I expect on Day 3? MO has me taking just glutamine powder nothing else additional in the way of supplements.

Thank you in advance for your help. 

gator... i have done taxol bf ac but rlly things vary soooo much week to week. I have found that getting enough fluid and sleep those first 2 nights helps a ton. Usually day 3 is the hardests for me but it wasnt bad today. I take a xanax to sleep on days 1&2 and during xhemo i stay and make them run my saline bag full out at the end. That helps get extra fluid. Btw r u weeky taxol... se will be diff if you are on dd or x3. .... good luck gettting to the game. Im rooting for u.

Mini - It is 4 DD Taxol. So, SE will likely be more intense?  My new best friend for AC was Kytril. Zofran, compazine, etc did not touch my nausea. My second best friend is Ativan. Thank you God for that! lol

As far as the knowing.... I found the first tumor while in the shower and I knew. I found the 2nd tumor when I was pointing out the first one during my mammogram. 

Shore - Thanks! I hope so because AC was just so awful. The nasuea was just unreal. I wanted to give up so many times. I could talk softball forever!  Where are you from? 

Hey Q I was out of infusion by 1220 PM today!!! Wow, only took 3.5 hours from port hook up, labs, NP chat, premeds and infusion!  For the first time I was pretty flattened afterward (Taxol #5) but managed to hike about an hour and a half in the red rocks with off-leash dog (she's so happy when we get to give that to her) and hubby.

Next Wed will be halfway (#6/12) Taxol.  I know when I look back it will seem like it wasn't so long, but right now I feel like I'm watching the glaciers recede, waiting for this final part of chemo tx to end.

Thinking of all of you...

Claire

I am awake gals-- slept entirely through the night...well, not so entirely--  i got a new drug to sleep (Tamazapam) and it really works!  But I did the ONE thing I have told others not to do-- I ate about an hour before bed and I had a bowl of cornflakes and hot milk.  I haven't eaten any grains for a week and have been feeling much better but i didn't finish my chemo until 6:30 and didn't get home until 7:15PM.  It was long- Claire I was so drowsy yesterday furing the whole infusion-- no complaints just was and if I had only KNOWN you were hiking (what trail?  I have done so many of the trails, if not all)-- I would have dreamt I was hiking and seeing through your eyes!!!  

 Abut 2am I finally got out of bed and whoops-- I vomited and then, all was better.  LOL

SO I am done gals!!  And today, like Claire does-- I am going to get outdoors and move my body-- mind and soul.   Gator-- I can share that one of the things that REALLY helps me is that I do something physical in the morning BEFORE my chemo (mostly it is the gym and I go at it as best I can) and then, the next day, I get moving out doors--for me that is an intense, maybe a short but still VERY intense ride on my horse.  I think we basically FLY together. It is a deal we have between us.  I cannot tell you how much better I feel--bone pain, muscle pain etc (Shore1 and ?).

And Minimac is right-- it simply does vary from person to person and infusion to infusion.  I finished all of it-- I still have Herceptin, now a big does every 3 weeks until next November and I have Navalbine for the next 3 months (hopefully no more since things often change with my doc! LOL)

I will come on here from time to time but you guys can  find me anytime.  hugs all--Q