Aging Parents Anonymous

Happy New Year...here's to only good things in 2012!!!  Althea...enjoy your get-a-way!!!

Sierra - thank you for your post.

Wahine - thank you, too.

My brother collected my father and brought him to stay with me over the Christmas days.It was quite difficult as he not only repeated things a hundred times, but also thought I was my mother at times......I know I was not always very patient with him, and felt guilty afterwards that I did not always keep my cool. However, he is so appreciative and polite - and wouldn't complain about anything , ever. I am sad that he has become confused and unable physically to do a lot of things.He told me he had a really good time with me, so that is the most important thing.

I wish all of you a happy and healthy 2012.

Sorry about the italics - for some reason I was only able to use either bold or italics...gave uptrying to get it to work properly after the 9th attempt.....

Talked to Mom today...she went to PT for an eval....PT was going over meds....long story short, the difficulties walking may be a side effect of her anti-depressant....PT was going to google the side effects..Mom will also talk to her counselor tomorrow...Mom said that the troubles started soon after she switched meds.....will keep you posted...

"Better living through chemistry!", I say...usually.  I know that's the antithesis of the treatment approach advocated in this forum, but when a person's "chemistry" is messed up, sometimes it helps to tweak it a bit. 

Trouble comes when the medical team is not paying enough attention to possible SE's of the drugs a person is on.  This is especially true in elderly patients, who are often taking a whole bunch of drugs with varying -- and sometimes conflicting -- actions and SE's.  It's good to take a look at the timeline, and to see whether a person's difficulties began at the same time as a change in his/her meds.

[I must have been feeling talkative tonight; I wrote a very, very long story about my dad, which I decided to delete.  Here's the Cliff Notes version:  Almost exactly a year ago, Nurse Ratched at my dad's skilled nursing facility told us that Dad's recent onset of lethargy and weight loss was due to his body "shutting down."  "You just have to accept that his Alzheimer's Disease is progressing," she said.  "He is dying."  One very agitated care conference later, we learned that he had a severe UTI for which he was on two antibiotics, and he was seldom eating more than 25 or 30% of the food he was being served at mealtime.  Once the UTI resolved and the lack of appetite was addressed -- and, once we got the staff to move him to a table where he would get "assistance" at mealtime -- he became more alert, he started showing interest in his meals, and he regained much of the weight he had lost.

The message is to trust your gut.  If what you're being told about your loved one does not make sense, or if you aren't getting answers to your questions, insist on talking to someone higher up the food chain. 

otter

Wow Otter, good example of listening to your gut. Too bad we can't always trust the health professionals(?) that are in charge of our health. Gotta be such advocates for our own health and health of our loved ones.

Althea, WOW.....so glad your mom's vit D levels had come up to a good level! Yay! Glad she has gained a bit too....wish I could give her all my excess pounds.

Karen, So glad you will be seeing your parents again next month! Too bad prices are always so high there. It is also $$$ for my parents to come here from Hawaii. Tourist destinations do not have low prices. But I still check on Tues and Wed in case the fares go down. My  mom's computer had changed its date again (gremlins?). She is so rarely on email anymore, but she wrote a couple of weeks ago and I never got it, cause her puter was set on Aug 2004! Finally when I got an email on my cell fone but it didn't show up on my computer, I searched and found it waaaaaay back there. Talked my dad into how to correct the date, but he couldn't get the time right, so it is 12 hrs off. Now I search for her name every morning just in case she has written! BUT she apparently thinks she can travel here alone, and is just waiting on their taxes to be done so she can sign them and fly back here. So I am really busy trying to get caught up at home so I can spend a ton of time with her. Right now I wouldn't even want her using the stove, etc. OR driving. When my dad is with her, if she forgets where she is driving, he can remind her, but by herself I am afraid she would just get lost. WIll need to figure out how to deal with that. Might just have to be honest...that its not that I don't think she can drive safely, but worry about her memory slipping when she is out. Since she is aware her memory is failing her, that might be the way I can get her to realize I don't want her driving alone. Will have to keep her keys at my house, or she would wake up and FORGET that she shouldn't drive. Oh Karen, I hope your parents CAN come up for Passover! That would be nice to have them there with your family.

Hoping everyone is doing well. Love and Hugs to you all!

Kathy

Hi girls, I just heard from my Dad, and yesterday my mom got so lost they had to have the police help find her.My Dad had to drive them into Honolulu to the airport (which would get ME lost!), to pick up my sister. WHY she has our parents,in their 90's drive 40 min to pick her up instead of her renting a car, is beyond me. But then he went into baggage claim, leaving my mom in the car. The cop made her move it, and after that she didn't know how to get back. She also never remembers how to use their cell phone, and drove around for FOUR hours. Luckily a good samaritan noticed she was driving slow and looked lost, and helped her call the first number on the phone, which was my brothers wife, in Alaska. SHe still didn't know where she was, so the police had to find her. I know it rattled my dad up too, as he was waiting at baggage claim all that time, not knowing where she was.

Oh Mallory, you said both of your parents turned 70 this year, so did MY HUSBAND!!! Now I feel old....LOL. He is a lot older than me, but still active and doesn't look his age. I hope it will be many years till you need to help care for them!!!

Hope all you girls are doing well, and your parents are too!

Hugsssssss,

kathy

Kathy....glad that your mom was okay after all this....Talked to my mom today and they came up with an emergency plan for Dad incase something would happen to mom....such as if she got in an accident.....she felt good about the plan.....someone would come to the house to be with dad....its interesting how in the past 4 months how much mom has changed her thinking....a while ago she was talking regularly about placing dad for respite and now this is the farthest thing from her min....she said that dad really wants to take a vacation and hopefully they can work out coming to denver in april for passover...just the sedars and a day or two after.....I'll be there next month.....Never imagined myself in this roll....or being a part of the sandwich generation...but I guess thats what happens when you have a kid in your 40's...and my parents are still relatively young given i'm 55 and my brother is 57....

Well I talked to my Mom today, and she does not remember (or at least not while I was on the phone with her) her 4 hr drive, getting lost. She sounded good, and that was soooooo good for me to hear. I just worry about her so much, as I know you all do too, about your parents. So hard when some of us are hundreds or thousands of miles away from our aging parents.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!!

Kathy

Oh Otter my thoughts are with you. I know how hard it is losing your last parent, even when you know it is for the best. Hospice will be a great support for you and you family.

Oh dear Otter, My heart goes out to you, along with the other gals on this thread who feel your pain and sadness. I really hurt for you,and your post got me all weepy. Wish there was something I could do to help. I am sending hugs, along with Althea. (((((Otter))))). Please use this post to vent when you want to, we are all here for each other. Hoping your father is not feeling any pain.

Hugs,

Kathy

Otter, I am so sorry to hear about this. The pain and dread must be enormous.

It's one thing to intellectually accept the idea of hospice, but when the reality is there it's so different.

I wish I had words that would comfort you but I think at this point words would be insufficient.

All I can do is send love.

Leah

Otter I am so sorry ! What a terrible time for you

wahine  it seems like the forgetfullness seems to help them continue to live in denial about their poor health.  I think that my parents have simply forgotten what a full functioning adult can do.  I hope your Dad can find a way to cope with your Mom.

Otter, Glad that they are treating your dad so well, and taking good care of him. I have been worried about you, how are you holding up?

My parents will be back here on the 27th. I am trying to get a lot of stuff done, my dr appts, surgery, etc., before they get here so I can devote all the time I can, to them. Today is their 8th anniv (they were first married in 1941 and honeymooning on the side of the island that was bombed B4 Pearl Harbor was bombed a short time later). Then they divorced when I was 12. So glad they remarried after both lost spouses, as they are a big help to each other.

Thinking of you all, and hoping everyone is doing okay.

Hugsssss,

Kathy