Why am I only ok talking to stage III ladies?feeling like a jerk

Gran, I say that line once a year. I'm sorry reality is hard for you, but I read things that upset me yet don't feel a need to tell the poster. For example, there are a lot of women who still think that getting to year 5 is a good thing!!! For slower growing, ER+ women, it's at year 5 that they have to start worrying!!! This is why a discussion about stage or grade is never clear cut. Stage 3 means you get more attention and treatment, yet I've seen WAY MORE stage 1 and 2 girls flip to stage 4 than any grade 3's!! Grade 3 girls seem to stay grade 3. Lucky you!

Granuaile,

They'll never know how many positive nodes I had before chemo.  After chemo, there were still two left with 2mm of cancer in each of them.  My onc said a tiny amount as if it was nothing and inconsequential, but this was AFTER chemo and several herceptins.  We all know it only takes a tiny amount to grow into something larger quickly.  I know how you feel.  If is nice to have stage 3 ladies to talk with about it.

Barbe, I think your info is wrong.  If you look at statistics, which don't lie, a much higher percentage of stage 3 becomes stage 4.  Look at Elizabeth Edwards who I am sure had the best care available.  It may just seem that way because there are so many more women diagnosed at stage 1 and 2.  But regardless, I am hanging on to the fact that statistics don't matter to any one person.  It only matters what happens to you, and for you it's either 0% and you don't recur or 100% and you recur.  Someone on the boards posted that and it really helped my outlook.

I think it's human nature to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence sometimes. (And often it is!)

I am er+ and pr+ and grade 1 or maybe a mix of grade 1 and grade 2 depending on which path report you're reading. I have had professionals tell me these are favorable characteristics. But I'm also IDC and stage 3c with many nodes. And to be honest I sometimes find myself feeling jealous of:

a) ILC patients, who have a much better prognosis than IDC, even though their tumors tend to be larger, according to this report: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20162457 

b) grade 2 and grade 3 patients, who have a chance at total pathological response and / or at least excellent response to chemotherapy (not so for grade 1) 

c) grade 2 and grade 3 patients who seem to get to relax a bit with each passing disease free year, again if my understanding is correct (node-positive grade 1 patients are the most likely to recur later, especially after 10 years, according to this: http://foodforbreastcancer.com/news/likelihood-of-late-recurrence-for-hormone-receptor-positive-breast-cancer-is-hard-to-predict . So as the years pass I expect my anxiety to actually increase) 

d) er- and pr- who can improve their outcomes with actual dietary choices moreso than hormone positive patients (low fat diets seem to reduce recurrence more in hormone negative patients according to this: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA354693)

e) er- and pr- who seem to have less concern with late recurrence than hormone positive

f) and of course stage 0, 1, and 2, and 3a and 3b girls (and men)

I apologize if I got any of the facts wrong, but these are my thoughts, irrational though they may be.

I admit if I was triple neg, I'd probably be jealous of the hormone positive people and their AIs. If I was grade 3, I'd probably be jealous of the grade 1s and their later recurrences. Like I said, human nature. Or maybe just MY nature.

I also stay almost exclusively on the stage 3 board.

Holy crap ladies! I wasn't stating stats at all!!! I was only writing about my observations from the forum! I think English is right, there is more lower grades diagnosed so it's obvious that there would be more that move on to stage 4 than just stage 3 moving on.

Stats are just that. A guess. Sometimes based on facts, but as meds have changed so much in the past, especially with the addition of Herceptin, stats that we read now adays don't have much that applies to our current situations.

It was me that said you have a 50% chance of recurrence (not 100%!!!). You either get a recurrence or you don't. It's really as simple as that!!

Please read my posts for what they are. When I state that "on this board" or "on this forum" I am only relaying my over 3 years of observations ON THIS BOARD. 

With almost 15,000 posts of interaction with many different ladies in many different stages, I do find it interesting that the stage 3 gals think they are so different from everyone else! Breast cancer is not curable for ANY OF US. Those of you who got aggressive treatment have a better shot at staying cancer free than those of us who ONLY got a double mastectomy. I know everyone thinks that their treatment was harder than everyone elses, but I think the point is that once you hear your name and CANCER used in the same sentence that the fear that grips our hearts and souls is pretty much the same. I don't think "okay, I only have to be 63% worried because I'm not stage 3". Doi.

My own experience?? What the hell do you think I've been speaking from...yours??? I don't understand that sentence.

I am always respectful of those with a more advanced stage, and surprise!!!....also those with a LESS advanced stage. I am IDC (Papillary Carcincoma really, but so rare we just get treated as IDC) Stage II with micromets to matted nodes. My surgeon had emergency heart surgery and dropped the ball on my file. It was only from reading this forum that I even knew I should be seeing an oncologist!!! Seriously, I thought I was over it all after my double mastectomies. I had NO chemo, NO rads, NO AI's and NO Tamoxifen or other treatment. NO onc. I finally got one 9 months after diagnosis. She even said that I seemd to "fall between the cracks". It was too late at that point for any further treatment. I am at a watch and wait. I've had 2 biospies for enlarged nodes in my neck and am getting surgery on Feb 6th to take out the large tumour that is in there with them.

So, have I had is EASY? NO!!!!! I had a double mast and now a couple years of fear. I honor and respect ALL sisters with breast cancer, not just the ones that think they had it the hardest!!

More stage 0 ladies get masts than stage 4. Why does no one acknowledge that? Some stage 3 keep their breasts and then are surprised when they get a local recurrence. Why are you surprised? You kept your breast!! So when you do have to get a mastectomy, maybe you won't mind when "some stage 0" pipes in on the surgery thread to HELP you with your mast!!

Now my back is up. I'd better stop typing.

Hi J,

It's OK to feel the way you do.  I don't venture to the "other" stage forums very often unless I see an active topic I can relate to.  It's normal.  We feel similar and have the same issues. 

I also like some of you felt a bit angry towards the celebrities sharing their bc battles that pale in comparison to what we are going through.  There is not one of late (Melissa Etheridge did have chemo but I'm not sure what the rest of her dx/tx was) whom has had to suffer physically (although GR did end up with the bilateral mx) the way we have, so no, they don't get it completely.  But in their own way they are suffering too, mentally if not physically.

(((Hugs)))

Sharon

((((Hugs))))

Josiekat- Obviously your comments struck a nerve with alot of people on this board.  Here is my take on things.  Do not, do not, do not worry about your attitude toward yourself or anyone one else at this stage of the game.  You are going through Hell and whatever feelings you have are OK !!!!!!  Be as nice to yourself as you can. Forgive yourself for everything and do whatever it takes to make it through the day.  I think I have felt every  negative emotion in the universe during the first year after diagnosis.  At times they were overwhelming. But, I made it through.  I am not the same person I was physically or emotionally but I am a happy person now who does not dwell in the dark places.  

Having said all that I do have to admit that when I encounter someone at work whining about allergies, getting a mammogram, or aches and pains I have been known to drag out my stage 3, grade 3, no boobs, constant pain, litany.  Sometimes ya just gotta feel sorry for yourself ! 

My original post to Josie was very supportive and I hope the back and forth with these kinds of posts isn't discouraging!! My surgeon had a heart emergency and was hospitalized, sorry you missed that in my previous post. He thought my reg doc had picked up the slack and my reg doc thought the surgeon had sent me on.

Outfield, we talked about that before. I was going to ask my onc on the next visit about the stats, but I chickened out again and still don't know. I still want to find out, maybe next visit.



I agree with you 100% on your comments about human nature. I am not proud of myself either when that comes out, but I can forgive myself and move on. I think it took a bit of time for me to be able to do that. Probably with more time, the jealousy will stop too.

would it be wrong for me to say that ... I am proud of myself?  It was a long f-ing road to get here and ... I'm pretty ok with all my thoughts and such.  Ya know?  It's not that I would ever hurt anyone, or wish bad things for anyone, of course.  I just can't understand some stuff and I am so thankful that this thread addressed one of em.  I've added this to my fav's ... I think you're onto something here.

And ... HELLO! You have Sherrie, Barbe, Pup??  Oh yeah...I'm in!

Josie - the snarky teenager came out in me when I read this.  We're the cool group, you can't eat your lunch with us.  Sigh, don't worry - your feelings are normal.  We don't minimize having cancer, we just know that our journey, well, treatment and surgery typically, uh, sucks more.  I also had neoadjuvant chemo (done with that, on to BMX with Lat D and TEs on the 18th woo hoo!) and live in South FL.  So we have a few things in common.  Cancer, location, and the occasional self-righteous moment.  Its all good, girl.

Can someone please tell me if they see this post. Just checking I comment but get no response, so I just want to make sure my post can be seen. Thanks in advance.

kenyohunt1, I can see your post.

Hi Annette!!!! Where the heck have you BEEN????