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Queenie0405
Queenie0405 Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Ii just found this forum tonight and could use some advise. I had a double mastectomy 2 1/2 yrs ago and still am not done with the reconstruction, I have at least one more surgery to go. My husband has been really great through all of this, however he has kept a calander of how often we had sex in 2011. I don't like how my body looks right now, I have one breast that took the implant just fine and the other side not at all as of right now. He is getting very furstrated cuz I really just don't care about sex. How do I make myself get over the way my body looks and enjoy having sex again?

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  • Queenie0405
    Queenie0405 Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2012

    Does anyone have any advise on this?

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  • Linda1966
    Linda1966 Member Posts: 633
    edited January 2012

    Hun, I dont think anyones ignoring you, its just a difficult situation. I was divorced just prior to diagnosis and masectomy and the meds make it so I really dont have a sex drive and havent even thought of dating since so i cant help you.

    I do think though that your husband loves you and not your breasts so if you can feel the urges forget what your chest looks like and go have some fun with him.

    Wish i could have helped.

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  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 1,383
    edited January 2012

    Hi Hun, I'm sure most people are feeling the same as you. I start my chemo on Friday and I'm a bit worried about the same thing. My hubby and I are very active so it will be a great shock for him as he tells me quite often. All I know is you have to make the effort even if it cuddles. Try having time together like a day off and buy nice food, watch a film and nice bottle of wine. He loves you for who you are and not what the cancer has done to your body. Also I always find if you where sexy but nice things that will make you feel special too. My hubby and I always have two days a month just for us and no kids around it works a treat. I hope this helps and you relax more and take comfort with each other.



    Alison x

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2012

    Hi Queenie, and welcome to BCO. As well as the support and advice you've received from the community members here, there is a wealth of information at the main Breastcancer.org site.

    The section on Sex and Intimacy is a great place to start - just follow the links down the left side to more on subjects such as Changes In Your Sex Life, Loss of Libido, and Accepting the Nude You.

    Judith and the Mods

    .

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited January 2012

    Queenie, everyone has a different reaction to how they look. I have seen some women say that they wear a pretty camisole or nightgown during intimate times and it helps them feel prettier and more feminine. Would that help you?

    All the best.

    Leah

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2012
    The funny thing is as we go through BC we're all concerned with how we look and our DH's just want to know that we still find them attractive.  Like Leah recommended, if you're self conscious about your breasts you can cover them up and still be sexy.  You can go the Victoria Secret route if that is what he's into or a cotton camisole if he's not.  Even a men's shirt (buttoned strategically) can be sexy.  BC does tend to sap our desire but my DH and I found that even if you're not in the mood, if you just start, you'll usually find yourself getting in the mood.  (We call it Mood Schmooding.)  I found the intimacy brought us closer, too.  And it felt good to know he still wanted me- no matter what!  
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  • Queenie0405
    Queenie0405 Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2012

    Thanks ladies for all the advice. I really wish I had found this site 2 1/2 yrs ago cuz really there are dsys

    I just need to vent, and it sure cant be done on facebook lol

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2012
    Queenie- Yep, this site saved my sanity and my reputation on facebook!  Laughing
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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited January 2012

    Queenie.....  I know we are all concerned about our breasts, but if you take a good look at our bodies, they really are a relatively small part.  Men usually find a lot of other areas attractive too.  Sorry though that things aren't going well on one side.  I did use a camisole when I had a drain in, but otherwise was fine.  But I had a lumpectomy.

    It helped my feeling still womanly and attractive that I had to hand Main Squeeze his eyeballs back to him every time we were together.  Even when I had no hair.

    I would carve out the time, and bite the bullet.  As one of the ladies above said, the right moves on his part do wonders for getting the the mood.  Make sure you have any lubricants you need.  If that is an issue, go visit the Scream Cream thread.

    Do a complete makeup so you feel confident with how your face looks.  Wear something pretty.

    Make sure you pay attention to HIS body.  Note that it isn't perfect either.  (Unless you have a very unusual man.)

    Promise that both of you will feel a lot better.

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  • Queenie0405
    Queenie0405 Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2012

    Thanks for all the advice it made me feel better.

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