A husband who has rendered me speechless

there are no excuses for his words period...as for an explanation maybe, it sounds as if he is in the anger stage of grieving the loss of his cousin which very well could have brought back feelings of losing his mother and amplified his fear of losing you [even if he doesn't say it]  Men are taught to be stoic and not show weakness and he doesn't know how to emotionally handle everything that's before him.  Men lash out at those they love the most when they are hurt or afraid or feel anything basically.  HE needs to talk to someone.  If he won't go see a counselor, then perhaps another breast cancer fighter/survivor's husband would be a good sounding board. 

with that said though, I would still tell him "I'll grow some balls when your grow some boobs and have them cut off you"...or..."you want to understand?  have your dick chopped off because that's what THIS feels like to a woman, so I'd say I have a steel set of balls already"...:perhaps an awareness will hit him upside the head...lol

seriously though, he needs an outlet, maybe even give him the phone number to a couple places or people who'd be willing to listen [ACS or someone similar] that's available 24/7 so when he's on the road he could reach out to them, might make it easier for him so he doesn't appear "weak" or "emotional" in front of you

keep yourself and your recovery as your number one focus at all times regardless how dumb or clueless DH can be...you've come this far in your recovery and need to take it easy still when you feel tired, etc.  take care of YOU first and foremost!!!

misswim: after you posted that his mom died and a very close cousin quite recently, he may be trying to "toughen" himself up with his words.   I know it sounds convoluted but he truly might be feeling like if you don't start gettting back to "normal" soon he could be losing you as well.  I am so glad to read he apologized.  Best of luck with the whole situation.

Timbuktu: your son sounds a bit odd to say the least.  First he his a doctor and he feels bc does not kill anyone and then he isolates you from your grandkids by getting a dog when you are deathly allergic?   Wow...that is Freudian loaded.  I am sorry you have to be hurt like that.  What goes around comes around is not just a pithy maxim but rather a truth and if you watch long enough, you will see it happen!  I am telling you, I have seen it time and time again.  In the interim, volunteer if you have spare time and interest.  It will help you get past this incomprehensible, and reprehensible, behavior.   Best of luck.  

misswim...that sounds really good.

Marriage counseling is working out really well for my husband and me...way better than I expected.  I originally thought it might be our way to finding ourselves in divorce in an amicable way.  But, instead, we are finding out that we actually want to work things out.  I don't know if we will succeed...but we are trying.  I hope that marriage counseling works well for you.

Claire

misswim - I am also so angry at him. How insensitive. I know he may be resentful of the BC changing your life together, but OMG - how cruel. My heart is aching for you - truly aching.