Mom starts chemo for triple negative bc Jan 3rd

I'm sorry about your mother's diagnosis, and the tough situation you've been put in. First off, thank you for doing everything you have for your mom. It sounds like you're both approaching the hair loss with a good attitude, which is about the only way to deal with it. I'm on Day 16 after my first chemo tx (AC-Taxotere), and I expect my hair will be gone by the end of the week - what a New Years.... But I have picked out a great wig and was surprised to find that I look really great in scarves and turbans. I don't think your mom will think you're taking it too lightly - and if you feel the need to be serious or express sadness, she'll understand that, too.

It's very good that your mom may have started taking a stand about your father's role. Have you talked about this with your mom? It sounds like she would have the best chance of influencing his behavior, and sometimes a situation like this is just the type of thing to jolt people out of their old routines. I know my Mom has had to deal with complaining from my Dad about things related to my treatment, such as her spending so much time here with me after my surgery - but her response has been to look at him and say "It's not about you." So far, that seems to work.

I wish you the best - and use this site however it helps you. There are some great women, each with their own stories and challenges, and it's a great place to vent and look for support. No one can do this on their own, and you certainly deserve support and advice as you help your mom get through this. 

Hi Pam, I'm not TN but I did want to give you a big ((((((hug)))))) for you and for the support you are giving your mom.  If she is in denial about loosing her hair, there is not much you can do to persuade her, the only thing you can do is be there when it does start to fall.  Hopefully by the time she has her Mediport put in the reality of what's going on will have sunk in a little and your dad's reaction is very typical.  Most men don't know how to handle this kind of Dx and so do the worst thing.........it has a lot to do with the fear of loss.  Once your mom stars treatment, I'm sure things will change for the better as he will see that she does need him.

Good luck with everything and please let us know how you both are.  I'm happy that you are well after your brush with cancer but you also must keep in mind that you need to stay healthy if you are to help your mom.

Love n hugs.  Chrissy

I have triple negative but much younger than your mom, I had Abraxane followed by AC, I lost my hair two weeks after starting chemo. I actually had a college women's soccer team cut, style my hair before my coworker gave me a military buzz cut. Unlike my mother I preferred going bald, I found funny hats to wear during the winter. 

My mother also had cancer (ovarian) and one of the most upsetting things was the loss of her hair.  She refused to let anyone see her without hair she even went to bed wearing the wig.  I remember searching for wig shops around town for my mom, she was a strong woman who rarely showed emotions until that week we spent looking for the right wig  I didn't understant until I faced losing my hair.   I wish I had been able to go to all her appointments like you but my mother choose to go by herself. 

Dealing with family can be tricky because they always talk to someone or read something and start questioning.  I would go to the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation website to get more information, the biggest thing is there is no pill for Triple Negative, Only option is Chemo, which TNBC responds well to, the pill thing is a question I get asked all the time. I

Ignore any statistics you see because everyone responds different.  Heck I was stage IV out of the gate and have been NED (No evidence of Disease) since 2009.  I keep a Carebridge page to update family and I will link articles pertaining to questions that have been asked.   Basically I am having to educated the family while also telling them what is going on. 

It is very furstrating trying to make sure you don't say the wrong things, basically don't treat her like she is helpless.  That is what my Dad and Sister would do when I brought my mom home on weekends (she moved in with me 9 months before her death and lived with me 7 of those) she lived with me becasue I was 30 minutes from UNC Cancer Center. 

She knew her body and limitations she would drop me off work in the morning drive to the Cancer Cancer Center to get treatment, come back to my work and curl up the sofa in my office until it was time for me to get off.  She would cook something, I learned quickly to let her do what she had always done, we ate and then she would rest again.  When we went home all my sister and Dad would due was nagg the crap out of her until she went off on them, I had to tell them to lay off. 

Like her I know my limits, I also learned that it's better for the family to keep them abreast and educate them at the same time.  It was very over whelming at hte beginning having to repeat the same thongs over and over again to cousin, aunts, friends, etc.  I got to the point I refused to answer any phone calls, so everyone was calling my sister she too got overwhelmed.  When I finally got adjusted to my new life I started my carebridge blog. 

It sounds like you are very close to your mother, just being there will help her allot.  Also when you talking or just lounging make sure to take note of her body language, you can learn allot, and it will give you a clue to what she needs. Some men can't handle the doctor appointment and treatments, my Dad being one of them he emotionaly couldn't handle it, some will also block our or refuse to observe what is going on right in fromt of them. (my sister).