November 2011 Rads

MrsMot - so sorry about your throat problems. I know what you mean about rads - in many ways it is not as bad, but it is in others - especially emotionally - hard to explain, but regretfully, we all know what I am trying to say. 

Anandagram-So sorry you had to wait for so long for nothing.  I do love the image of the teddy bear and Yoda in the car with you.  I agree it would have been quite a sight for a police officer. Prayers that tomorrow will be better.

MrsMott-Hang in there.  For me it seemed to go much more quickly after I hit the half way mark.

Joan811-How awful that people aren't keeping your health into consideration.  I guess it's easy to forget what is happening to you.  The side affects aren't as visible as the chemo ones.

Natters-How are you doing with the whole "You're done, let's all celebrate!" phase?  Every time someone talks about celebrating after my last one tomorrow, I say yay of course...but in reality I don't feel like celebrating at all.  I keep thinking and worrying about what the future will hold.

I finally started to wear a bra on Christmas Eve! It feels great! All of my skin issues are completely healed.  I had an an appointment with my MO yesterday to get my prescription for Tamoxifen.  I thought it was at 9:30 but it was a 9:00. I was there at 9:20 and they refused to see me. I thought I was a little early! Now I don't see him until the end of January. That upsets me because my insurance is changing and now I have to pay him for the entire visit. The receptionist was very nasty. The sad part about it is I'm NEVER late for an appointment. Plus, I took the day off for this one. I would have thought they would have been a little more forgiving.........

Hello all, I have been lurking in the shadows and encouraging you all in my thoughts. For those of you who are close to the end...hang in there.

Joan 811 - Toward the very end, I tired very easily. If you feel up to your trip, I say go for it, but be aware that you will get tired easily (one trip through the grocery store about did me in). Take your time and allow yourself multiple resting spots. Usually after about a half hour or so of resting, I was able to get up and go again for a while. Just listen to your body and don't over do!

 rnforbabies - Isn't it totally unfair that a doctor can keep you waiting for hours in the waiting room to see them, but if you are late just a few minutes, they refuse to see you!. What makes them think that OUR time is less valuable than theirs. I would make sure that I told the doctor what happened! Perhaps they are not aware that the front office turned you away. At least they could have asked if you could be worked in...after all those appointments usually last only about 10 minutes max! Even if they do have the policy of not seeing you if you are late, I would definately give the doctor a piece of my mind!!!

Natters - I am so sorry! The stress both of you have been under must have finally been too much. It sounded like things weren't going to well in your previous posts, but that doesn't make the break up any easier. Now that your treatment is ending there should be some joy in your life...now this! This dam_ disease takes so much from us that it isn't fair that it also attacks our relationships. I will especially be thinking of you. Here is a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG< HUG< HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} It is a big strong one because you definately need it!

If you ladies want some irony...after all the treatments, side effects, burning, etc was over, I now have a lump in the exact same spot in my breast again. The RO said that it is just swelling and tissue reaction from the radiation and may never go away. She told me that, when she first started, they used to hurry patients into a mammagram right away to check it out but it was always just tissue reaction at the bed of the tumor site. Every morning, I feel that lump and wonder.....  Will be asking my MO in January when I have my appointment though...hope I get the same assurance from her. This just never seems to end! The book I read, After Breast Cancer, said that whenever you feel something that doesn't seem right, wait two weeks to see if it changes before you react. So I will wait until Friday the 13th (that is when my MO appointment is) and try not to think the worst!

Natters- So sorry to hear about your partner and you separating.  I'm glad you have friends to support you now.  Your right about keeping busy.  That can make all the difference.

Kdajay-Prayers that your lump is nothing.  I wonder if any of us will every relax about our health again.  Probably not, and perhaps best that we don't

I had my last radiation appointment today.  My husband called after it was over to tell me congratulations and see how I wanted to celebrate.  I told him I didn't feel like I did when chemo ended.  I wanted nothing more than to celebrate that ending.  Now I just feel tired.  I keep thinking that I now am not doing anythng active to fight this.  I guess I have to start considering my exercise routine and good eating habits as my fight.  That seems hard to do...maybe if I have a doctor call me to set up the exercise time I feel like it is. 

Toomanycocktails, Its rough. We all have had too many shocks and turmoil with this diagnosis but I really encourage you to stick it out and finish  radiation. Yes you will be tired, yes you will probably burn some, but you really need to consider that it is killing those bad cells and looking at what you have posted as your diagnosis you need every tool in the arsenal to fight this battle. I will be here for you as will everyone else on this forum. We all need to stick together.

Natters - I am so, so sorry to hear about your breakup. I knew things had been rough but I was hoping the counseling would get you both through these hard times. I hope the healing begins soon.

Nans, Congrats on having your last treatment.  You must feel so spent after the emotion and physical drain of chemo and rads. Your celebration may be just to catch up on sleep or things you've missed....
As annoying and disruptive the daily appointments are, we do feel like we are blasting the BC out of this world.  So when we finish, it may be a a time of new worries for us.
Today I had #23/25 regular tx.  They told me when I arrived I'd have my planning session today for the boosts (5).  I was unprepared and had left my iPod in the car....but I had music on my phone and they were really supportive.  I had to lie on my back, but it won't be bad for 5 tx.
I felt very emotional about getting to the end of this.  I know I will cry on the last day...
Celebrating is not what I'll be doing since I have to have a cardiac catheterization as soon as rads are done.  I hope I do not need surgery; my skin is in no shape.
m4babies, It is hard to believe they couldn't squeeze you in. My cancer center has put me in numerous times for a quick check whenever needed. If I'm close to my arrival time for rads, they will take the person after me if she's already there.  There is a need for flexibility and you deserve better. I admire your patience waiting another month.
kdajay, I am glad you mentioned the lumpiness after rads. I wouldn't have known what to think.
I am so grateful for all of you here and your help, comforting words, and personal courage.
Joan

To those who want to give up... I remember my last week of rads when I put my hand over my head for treatment and the skin felt like it was tearing. I cried right there on the treatment table...those silent, painful tears that we all have spent because we just can't hold them in anymore. The techs thought it was because I was in pain but really it was because I was really tired, just didn't want to hurt anymore, and wanted to quit more than anything (after all, I never was really sure if it was helping anyway!). My RO came in to look at my burns and broken skin and she put a hand on each of my sholders and looked me straight in the eye with a very serious expression and said, "Don't stop now. Give us just those few extra percentage points to beat this." This was from a woman who on a good day seemed to be pretty much of a cuckoo!

So this is me, with my hands on your shoulders, looking you in the eye and saying "Don't stop now. You have fought this long and so hard. I know you want to give up, to stop being tired, to stop hurting, to stop giving this disease ALL it will take. You are strong enough to do this after all look how far you have come already.  Just give us those few extra percentage points to beat this thing!"

lilylady - So glad you are done! If it is any consolation, the healing happens pretty quickly after they stop the rads. In another couple of weeks you will be doing the happy dance again.

Oh, and thanks for the image of you sleeping at the dinner table while they cleared the dishes! Guess my falling asleep in the recliner every night during the news doesn't seem so bad now. I have slept more in odder places since this all began but never at the dinner table. Wish they had thought to get a picture for your avatar! that would have perked everyone up! (did I just say that out loud?)

Well ladies, I went in to see the RO.  I told him my concerns (I have other health issues and is it safe to continue the radiation without damaging or causing something else basically).  He listened and he deferred me back to the MO.  He did not push the radiation tx's on me.  I guess, he wants to be safe and to know that all is well too.  I'll be seeing the MO early in January.

Thanks for all your kind replies.  It's nice to know that someone cares. 

missey29 - so glad you made it! It wasn't easy for you, was it?! Just be a little patient about getting on with your normal life. The burning will continue for a bit before the healing commences in earnest. But it will happen. Party on!

Happy New Year everyone! I for one am glad that 2011 is over.  A wretched year for me. 

Congrats Lilylady and Missy! You are done.  I am jealous.  Hope you are healing!

Eleven left for me.  These past 3 days off from rads have been so healing for me.  I feel better when I don't have a treatment.  But tomorrow is back at it.  

Missy - how is the hair growth?  My hair is growing in...I look like a man right now with my very short short hair.  But my scalp is covered (with very gray hair).  The 13th I am getting it colored!  Can't wait! I have to wear big earrings so I look like a girl! 

#23 for me tomorrow, just 3 more full treatments then 5 boosts to my scar line.  The area of my skin that is being zapped for my mammary nodes is just raw.  Everything else has held up pretty well so far.

 Oh how I wish I could sleep for ten hours!  I'm lucky to get six or seven.  Fortunately, so far, I've not noticed any unusual fatigue. 

2011 was indeed wretched!